How Would You Like To Be Remembered?

There is nothing that makes you feel old like going to the graduation of someone you knew when they were an infant. This weekend, I headed back to Indiana. I spent five years on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana. This weekend, sweet Elizabeth graduated.

I lived with Elizabeth and her family for three years during that time. Elizabeth was just two when I moved in. We spent the next three years reading stories, going to the park, playing tag, and making cookies with her sister, Hannah, and later her brother, Jonathon. Her sister Sarah didn't come along until after I had headed to Illinois. I didn't get to know her. But I did enjoy hanging with her this weekend.

All weekend I found myself wishing I had kept in better contact with this great family. Though I do feel old that Elizabeth is now 18 and heading off to college, I was touched by the fond memories we shared.

Some of the things that we mentioned (aside from those mentioned above) remembering were things like the butterfly shaped birthday cake I made and Elizabeth helped decorate one year. Some of it was how Elizabeth screamed as an infant -- especially in the car. Her dad seemed bent on remembering the temperature. I am cold by nature and I lived in the basement. It's always colder in basements. He lamented not making it warmer for me. But honestly, that wasn't even close to things that readily came to my mind. There were too many good things from living there that stick out to me.

I was surprised by some of the things that people mentioned about me. Becca was also graduating. Her family came to Elizabeth's open house. They reminded me how she was so attached to her mom that she screamed when she was left in the nursery or with a sitter to the point that they just didn't leave her. I had forgotten volunteering to go spend some time with her and her brother over several days while their mom was present so she could get use to me. The idea was to make me a safe person so her parents could get out a bit.

I was touched by the warmth of the memories. It was affirming. I don't know how my time in Illinois measures up. It makes me want to strive to be that person again. Right now, I am so busy with two jobs and such that I wonder if the memories that would dominate now would be rushing off somewhere. But what stood out then was a kind of taking time for people. Somehow, I want to find away to get back to that. That's how I want to be remembered at every stage of life and not just one sliver.

That is my prayer tonight, that I would be known as one who takes time for people.

How would you like to be remembered?

Sarah, Asher the dog, Elizabeth, Hannah, & Jonathon

Who Do You Do Life With?

I discovered Grey's Anatomy this summer. Yes, I know it has been on for a few years. I just never tuned in. The summer was perfect time for starting. I've actually found the original episodes and I'm slogging my way through those as well as the current ones.

I was touched by one of the early ones. A mom was giving birth to quints. They were very tiny and fragile. I think they lost at least one. Another was struggling. Meredith had the idea to put one of the weaker babies in the same incubator as one of the stronger ones. She said it was called "co-bedding" and hospitals sometimes did it with twins. No one knows why it helps, but that it does. Perhaps it has something to do with no being alone.

That episode was on awhile ago, but it has stuck with me. What things might get healed if we emotionally "co-bedded?" There must be a better way to say that. What if we got that close to one another so that we could heal from someone's strength.

It has actually had me thinking about the American idea of living as one family or one individual. We want children to grow up and move out of the house. We encourage independence. But what if we are missing something too?

When I lived in IN I lived with a family for three years. It was bit of an unorthodox situation. I paid minimal rent and while I wasn't a nanny, I helped out with the kids whenever I could. I ate with them when I could. If Dana cooked, I cleaned up. If she was cooking, I would take the kids outside to play. I ran errands. I kid sat. I made a weekly time to have "art" (used loosely because I am no artist) with 5 year-old Hannah. When Elizabeth turned 4, she wanted a butterfly birthday theme. I made a butterfly shaped cake with yellow icing and decorated with pastel M & M's by the birthday girl. On Sunday nights after the kids were in bed, Jerry and Dana and I met to talk and pray. We did life together.

Honestly, daily proximity helped. But what if we did life together more intentionally? I wonder what places in our hearts might find peace for a time and maybe healing.

Who do you do life with?

40 to 40 (Gratitude 2)

(Don't know what 40 to 40 is? Click the graphic to find out.)

I am grateful that while I don't have a family per say, I have had families in my life. The one that comes to mind today is the Fredericks. I spent several years on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. During my time in Bloomington, IN, I had the opportunity to live with the Fredericks.

Jerry had said something about me moving in jokingly. But I was having a hard time making ends meet and was in a rough roommate situation. I got up the nerve to ask Jerry and Dana if they would consider it. We all agreed to try it out for 6 months.

I had a room down the basement and paid very minimally on a few things. In return, I helped out with the kids. When I first moved in, Jerry and Dana had Hannah and Elizabeth.

Hannah in 1996

Elizabeth in 1996

Both girls were adopted as infants. Later, they also adopted Jonathon. He was a little wild man, but I loved his spirit.

Jonathan in 1996

I loved the arrangement because it made me feel like part of a family. I was in some ways, the big sister. I did art projects with Hannah and snuggled with Elizabeth and read and read and read. With Jonathan everything was one big game.

I moved in 1996. Jerry and Dana later found out that Dana was pregnant. She gave birth to a little girl named Sarah. She was a miracle for them. I just wish I had the opportunity to know her like I did the other three!

Our six month trial turned into 3 very blessed years in my life.