Letting Who I Know Overwhelm My Circumstances

I would not consider myself squeamish. I don't even know that I have any particular phobias. I can be cautious at times, but I don't get freaked out by spiders or heights or anything like that. In fact, for a number of years I took horseback riding lessons. A series of events and temperament ended up with me taking lessons on one of the biggest horses in the stable. While I was more hesitant at jumps after a fall, I always go back on and set my sites on higher jumps. So, height was not the issue one day at camp.

I stood on the tall block willing myself to relax. I told myself, "Close your eyes. Just lean back. They will catch you." But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

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Contentment -- Priceless

I know you've seen them -- those commercials for Visa.

• New shoes -- $20
• New dress -- $75
• New hairstyle with highlights -- $100
• Memories to last a lifetime -- Priceless.

Visa has our number. If $200 can promise something that is priceless, and will last a lifetime, of course we are going to buy.

When I was in college, I attended InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's School of Leadership Training. One of the sessions was actually on advertising and all the subtle meanings that are played out before our eyes and that we buy hook, line, and singer. Some of them were dated but some of you might remember them. The question that was raised was, "It looks like they are selling coffee, but what are they really selling?"

• Early morning sunrise. A farm. A colt. A coffee pot -- Folgers, good to the last drop. (Selling peace and an idyllic life that no one I know lives.)
• Cute kid singing, "I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener, 'cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner, everyone would be in love with me." (Selling the idea that everyone should love us.)
• Light bulbs, computers, a vast array of progress -- GE, we bring good things to life. (Selling that all these things are at the heart of what is good in life.)
• And then the Marlboro Man and the ultra thin model and the red corvette selling ideas of how we need to look and act and the car we need to own to really be someone.
  

Really, what advertisers prey on is instilling in us at a young age (think Saturday morning cartoons) is sense of discontent. Our society trains us to think that I want is synonymous with I need. The truth is that I want a lot of things. I need just a few -- food, shelter, safety, etc. So much of what we have is a luxury that once we become accustomed to it, we think it falls into the need category instead of a want and lucky to have had kind of thing.

So, I've been thinking about this the last few days. I've found myself trying to think of ways to pare down my monthly expenses. I don't like feeling strapped. (I don't suppose anyone does.) How interesting to face the reality that much of my life is made up of indulgences, luxuries that I now think I need. I find myself resistant to cutting them and looking at others and saying, "But they have X, Y, Z so I should have it too!" Not true.

But envy breeds discontentment.

So, I have to catch myself. What do I need? What if my wants lined up with my needs and not with what society says? What if my heart was fixed on God so that He was all I wanted? What if my heart was set like David's in Psalm 27:4?

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

That would be true contentment. That would be priceless. Sorry Visa, a credit card isn't buying that now or ever. It's a free gift to those who set the eyes of their hearts on the Lord. Though, sometimes it takes effort to focus on that.

God, show me the pricelessness of conentment in You.

Cheering Section

Having a puppy has put me outside more. The three-year-old neighbor boy has taken a liking to both me and Hadley. Truth be told, we've taken a liking to him and the rest of his family too.

The Lake Run Club sponsors a "Kids Run for Fun" program each Friday night in the summer. They run in age groups a quarter of a mile. Last Friday, I had the opportunity to go cheer Alex on. He was excited to have "Miss Amy" come watch. I think he would have also liked to have Hadley, but I thought it was best that she stay home.

I enjoyed cheering him on as he ran past. He was excited to show his ribbon (all the kids get them).

I wasn't involved in a ton of come-watch activities growing up. However, I do remember being in some school plays in junior high. I also remember being thrilled when the youth minister and his wife and some of the families that we babysat for came to watch. White Oak Junior High's rendition of the "Convertible Teacher" was very far off Broadway. I doubt that it was at the top of the list in entertainment. But they came to support us and not because there was any great talent.

Kids need people -- outside of their parents -- to take an interest in them. I think it helps them feel valued. But as I've thought about it, grown ups need that kind of interest too. Don't we all want some one to take an interest in something we do?

The problem is that life is so busy that we lose sight of that. What child or teen can you cheer on by going to a game or a show? What adult can you cheer on? Maybe they are into sports or drama or maybe they've been working hard at exercise and weight loss or some other accomplishment. What would it mean to them to get a note from you?

Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a culture where everyone had their own personal cheering section?

Buried Treasure

Hadley loves her rawhide bones. When I initially got her, she would devour them. Though, since they are hard, it took a bit to finish them off. I think it had a lot to do with her teeth.

She still loves them and her tail goes nuts when I give them to her. However, she is now more apt to hide them. The go under pillows, in between couch cushions, into the dirty clothes basket . . . . Anywhere is fair game.

I laugh when I see her doing it. She takes it so seriously. And she absolutely remembers where she put them. She gets put out if I move them and a bit frantic if she didn't see me move them and cannot find them. Her bones are very important to her. But I have to wonder if she didn't get more pleasure from them when she really chewed on them as a younger pup?

And then there is the question of why she is hiding them. The cats and I really aren't interested in them at all!

It has gotten me thinking about buried treasure. What is it that I bury that I think others might want? Why do I bury things?

We all have things that we hold dear. But is burying them the answer? Probably not. Because if we bury them, we may not be enjoying them. Honestly, when God gives us good gifts, I think he intends for them to be enjoyed rather than buried.

I should do some laundry now. First, I'll make sure there aren't any of Hadley's bones hidden in the basket.

No Such Thing as Too Hard -- Hope Chronicles 88

I was always a good student, but my senior year in high school, pre-calculus stumped me. It seriously stumped me. I was use to getting A's and bemoaning an occasional B. I put my nose to the grindstone the first quarter -- staying late and going in early for extra help. The result was a C. I vowed not to let it get the best of me and kept at it second quarter. Again, I got a C.

As the third quarter rolled around, I trembled. All year long, Mr. Bates had told us about the 200 point take home test he gave third quarter each year. I worked all weekend on that test, puzzling over and over the questions, searching the book, praying. When we got it back, I was crushed to find out that all of my effort resulted in 2 points out of 200!

With an eye on college (I had already been admitted to the University of Evansville), I called the admissions office and asked if I needed the class. It turns out that I only needed it if I was going to go into engineering. I dropped it -- wondering why I had been taking it in the first place.

I had Mr. Bates for a computer class as well. I hadn't talked to him about my decision, so when I showed up for the computer class, he expressed his disappointment. "Why," he asked, "after all that hard work would you quit now?" My answer, "It was just too hard." And it was hard and I couldn't stomach seeing an F on my report card after that disastrous take home test.

I don't necessarily quit easily, but there are times when I have decided that things are just too hard.

Lately, I've found myself thinking a lot about the idea of something being too hard. It's come to mind, particularly, as I've tried to sort through some personal things. I find myself wanting to avoid, bemoaning the fact that something is too hard. Is it doable? Probably. But it seems too painful. It feels crushing -- 100 times more so than contemplating an F on that report card. I quit then, so it seems logical to quit now. Maybe that is the danger of quitting. It becomes easier and easier to quit.

But should I have quit then? I don't know. F or no F, I had already been admitted to college and gotten a scholarship. While I didn't need the class for college, I may have need the growth experience from surviving an F on that all-important-to-me report card. But looking back, who cares now what was on that report card or more high school class rank?

As I've thought about it, the thought has come to mind, "What if Jesus had said it was just too hard?"

Look at Jesus as He approaches Jerusalem for the last time. Scripture makes it clear that He knows what was coming. What if he thought:

• My friends will fall asleep when I need them the most. I should stop.
• My friend is going to betray me with a kiss. I should turn around.
• They will bind my hands and beat me. The pain will be too great too bear. I should run.
• They will jam a crown of thorns upon my head, mock me, spit on me, humiliate me. I should hide.
• The crowds who praise me as I enter Jerusalem will call for my death in mere days. Would only a fool go forward?
• They will nail me to a cross like a criminal. I will die an agonizing death. How can I go one more step knowing that each step takes me one step closer to this pain and humiliation, the sense of being forsaken, the agony? God, it is just too hard.

And Jesus did wrestle with what was coming. In the garden, He prayed that God would take the cup from him. But then He prayed that God's will be done. His sweat came as drops of blood as He considered what was coming. But then He still prayed that God's will be done.

So easy to say, "God's will be done" when life is easy -- when friends and family are faithful, when everyone is healthy, when the job is going well, when everything is just going right. how much harder to say it in the midst of pain and suffering, illness, abandonment, sadness . . . .

Jesus could have said, "It's too hard" and He would have been right. It was too hard. But he didn't quit. He fixed his eyes on God and pressed forward to the joy set before Him.

Sigh. If Jesus did not quit, do I have the luxury of saying, "It's too hard. I'm not going there!"

But there is hope in knowing that when it mattered the most in all of eternity, Jesus refused to throw up His hands and utter "It's just too hard!" and quit. He walks with us in the midst of hard.

The Timing of Hope -- Hope Chronicles 87

Recently, I found two adorable small leather Bibles with horses on the cover. They are geared towards kids and I knew just the two little girls they would be perfect for. Catch -- their birthdays were a couple months out. I got them, thinking I would wait to send them. I couldn't. I sent them with a note and told them this was to help stretch their birthdays out.

Patience has never been my strong suit.

I know that we are told that we need to wait on God. However, I sometimes bemoan how slow the waiting seems. I want things to happen now. In the midst of difficult situations, this lack of patience can cause me to despair. "What if ____ never happens?"

So I am utterly amazed at Abraham. God promises him a family that will out number the stars. Yet, he had to wait years and years to have the one son God promised him and the one Sarah helped along. In fact, God's promise of Abraham's descendants out numbering the stars didn't happen in Abraham's lifetime.

To hope means to be ready at every moment for that which is not yet born, and yet not become desperate if there is no birth in our lifetime.

Erich Fromm

How do you not become desperate? I think -- and this is so hard to do -- that it is constantly reminding yourself of who God is. God cannot lie. What He says he will do, will come to pass. But we also have to remember that God's time and our time are often two different things.

In the waiting, I need to learn to rest in what I know about God.

One of the Scariest Words & Your Thoughts

Yesterday, a woman was lamenting to me that she had gotten Taco Bell on their shirt. It seems that she had eaten in their car and the bottom of their shell was broken. I asked if she had been in a hurry. She said that she hadn't been but that she always ate in her car and read. I laughed a bit and said, "You could take your book into Taco Bell." Honestly, this thought horrified her. She said, "I couldn't eat in a restaurant alone!"

Me: "Spoken like someone who isn't single!"

Welcome to my world.

Honestly, I'm not particularly brave about the alone thing. Sometimes it does keep me from doing things I might enjoy -- particularly things where I know everyone will be paired with a significant other. But even then, sometimes I have to try and go it alone. If I wasn't willing to ever do things alone, I wouldn't ever do anything! Seriously.

This is not meant to be a poor me post. However, I do have a question. If you are married, please put aside the thought that you would do anything for a day of peace and quiet.

What do you think scares people about being alone in the true sense of the word?

I'm thinking of trying to write an article about it. I'd love to hear your thoughts about why alone might be one of the scariest words ever.