Twisting the Golden Rule

Recently, I've been convicted over the golden rule. Interestingly, even people who aren't Christians at least know the gist of it. It can be found in Luke 6:31 -- "Do to others as you would have them do to you." (NIV) It's actually part of a list of uncommon ways we are suppose to treat others -- friends or enemies.

• Love your enemies
• Do good to those who hate you
• Bless when you are cursed
• Pray for those who hurt you
• Turn the other cheek
• If someone takes your cloak, give them your tunic too
• And do to others as you have them do to you

It's a strikingly uncommon way of relating to people in a world that focuses on revenge and blame and all of those kinds of things.

While I don't do it perfectly, in general, I would say I'm pretty good at following the golden rule. (Not perfect, of course.) I loan things freely. I try to say kind things. I'm more than willing to go out of my way for people. Yet, as I said above, I've been convicted about it.

When I was in college, I had never been in a discipleship relationship. Going into my junior year, I found myself in leadership of a Christian group on campus and there were people who needed some shepherding. Honestly, my approach was to provide what I wished someone had done for me. Amazingly, it worked. I found I learned as much as they did.

There have been other things as well where my mode of operation is based on "what I wish had happened for me." It can be taking an interest in the kids I know, going to sporting events even if I do not understand the rules. It can be following through with promises. It can be any number of things.

It has worked well, but here is the twist. Lately, I've noticed bitterness creep in. Though I still may do those things, I find that I can think, "I did this or that for so and so, why won't anyone do it for me?" The twist is that I somehow deserve something in return. Sadly, that means what I have given or done, has not been a gift. It comes with an expectation.

Yes, it would be nice on various things, but that is not the heart behind the golden rule or any of those other things listed above. The heart is considering others before me because that is what Christ did. The heart is giving up our rights because that is what Jesus did.

So, I need to ask God to change my heart to match my actions. Then, the gifts of time or interest or whatever will be freely given with no strings attached.

What about you? Do you ever attach strings to things?

Buried Treasure

Hadley loves her rawhide bones. When I initially got her, she would devour them. Though, since they are hard, it took a bit to finish them off. I think it had a lot to do with her teeth.

She still loves them and her tail goes nuts when I give them to her. However, she is now more apt to hide them. The go under pillows, in between couch cushions, into the dirty clothes basket . . . . Anywhere is fair game.

I laugh when I see her doing it. She takes it so seriously. And she absolutely remembers where she put them. She gets put out if I move them and a bit frantic if she didn't see me move them and cannot find them. Her bones are very important to her. But I have to wonder if she didn't get more pleasure from them when she really chewed on them as a younger pup?

And then there is the question of why she is hiding them. The cats and I really aren't interested in them at all!

It has gotten me thinking about buried treasure. What is it that I bury that I think others might want? Why do I bury things?

We all have things that we hold dear. But is burying them the answer? Probably not. Because if we bury them, we may not be enjoying them. Honestly, when God gives us good gifts, I think he intends for them to be enjoyed rather than buried.

I should do some laundry now. First, I'll make sure there aren't any of Hadley's bones hidden in the basket.

Scrappy Gifts

My paternal grandparents lived on a farm. Of course, barn cats (half wild) come with the territory. My grandmother routinely put out a mix of cat food and table scraps for them. Periodically, a cat would leave her the gift of a dead bird or dead mouse. If you can move past the "Oh, yuck!" reaction, you might see the heart of the gift. I'm not trying to over humanize these four legged creatures, but there is something about giving what comes from the heart, something we value.

Think of it another way. Sometimes children give us gifts of things that don't have much worldly value: dandelions, crayon streaked coloring pages, a sticker, rocks they collected, . . . . By the worlds standards they don't hold much value. But, by the heart's standards they can mean the world.

I've gone threw a bit of a phase of feeling like I don't have much to offer. I've felt myself thinking that I only have scraps to give. I want to offer God things that are so much bigger and better. The problem with that is that anything I give is like a scrap. Accept that like the bird or the gift from a child, it comes from the heart.

That is really what God wants -- my heart. He wants it even if it is a bit scrappy and worn. He wants it because even if it doesn't mean much to the world at large, it is of infinite value to Him. In that way, no heart felt gift to God is scrappy.

40 to 40 (Gratitude 39)

I am thankful for Proverbs 31. I know that I've already named off a couple people and She Speaks, but they all need to go into a gratitude. Since I went to She Speaks a couple of years ago, got involved in the blogging community, and went again to She Speaks year, I have gotten to know some wonderful people.

This past summer She Speaks 2008 was a true highlight for me. I was astounded that the minute I walked in I felt like I was stepping into family. Some of that was due to other bloggers I had met online like Lelia, Nicki, Lisa, and the list could go on and on. It was so great to see them in person.

But it was also wonderful to meet the staff. I've gotten to know a few of them over the past year and then again at the conference. I'm thankful Glynnis being willing to publish a couple of my things in the P31 magazine. I'm thankful for LeAnn and all she did to put the conference together. I'm thankful for people like Wendy and Samantha who did and do so many behind the scenes type things. I'm thankful for the whole lot of them.
Even after this conference they have continued to love on me. I was doing really well at the conference and rode pretty high a couple weeks after. Then due to insurance coverage I needed to change a couple things with my medication. Med changes for depression are really hard.

I called and talked to Melissa some and Terri a bit. They were encouraging that they were all praying.

One day a package showed up. It was a beautiful picture with hands reaching down and some reaching up. It said, "From Jesus." And it was filled with scripture and my name had been inserted in Isaiah 43:1.

But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed Amy; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

I suspected it was from Melissa as she and I had been keeping the most contact. I recently found out that it had been LeAnn's idea and that it truly was a gift from the whole office. I was touched that they would all want to send it.

I've placed it on my desk at work so that whenever I'm frazzled, I can look over and be reminded of God's love and care for me.

I am thankful for the entire P31 team and all they do.

Expectations

We are already beginning to get a bit of Christmas traffic at the book store. We have Halloween and a Thanksgiving display out and are quite ready to put out the Christmas stuff. We've had calenders for 2009 for several months.

All this getting ready for Christmas reminded me of a conversation I overheard last year between two men. The first announced happily that he had received a $300 bonus from his company. The second man was less enthusiastic. He said, "Well, you want to know what I got? A $25 gift card. Enjoy yours . . . ." Actually, he pretty much slammed whomever gave him that gift card.

I'm posting today at the Internet Cafe. Click here to finish reading the post.

The Package

This brightly wrapped package has been sitting on the edge of my coffee table since mid June. I'm not sure why I've left it there. I really should put it away somewhere because it has been a constant reminder of the friendship that almost was.

I met someone in kind of an odd way early this summer. For some reason, I had voiced the feelings of loneliness that sometimes plague me. Her response was that she would be my friend and after she got some exams out of the way within the next month we could hang out. I was thrilled. She genuinely seemed to like talking to me and called me a few times.

One day another friend and I were going to see Prince Caspian. When I told this woman this, she voiced how she wished she could go and how she wished that she had read all of the Narnia books straight through. She really couldn't go to the movie but later that week I spied a thick volume of all of the Narnia books in one. I picked up one for her and one for me. It was suppose to be a 'just because" kind of gift.

I invited her to come by. She had several things going on. I told her that I had something for her and it wouldn't take long to pick it up. She never came by and I was never able to reach her again.

So, that package has sat on my table while I keep hoping she will call. But now it is more of a reminder of a friendship lost than anything. I think it is time to put it away or find someone else to give it to. It has been 4 1/2 months.

The last several days it has gotten me thinking of all the packages that go unopened in our lives. Yes, maybe one is a friendship. Another might be some talent we've longed to develop but haven't taken the time for. It could be a book or THE BOOK that remains unopened on our night stand.

All things keep us from opening them. Time. Fear of rejection. Fear that things won't go the way we hoped.

But each time we leave a package unopened we close ourselves off to the joy that might be packed away in there. And maybe even miss the joy of being able to bless others with whatever the package might contain.

I have this thought of God sitting on His throne in a package strewn room. Some of us are there, too shy to take the one He offers or too fearful it may not be what we wanted. But then we need to trust that God knows best.

What package will you open today?

For me, I need to concentrate on my book proposal -- who else to send it to and just keep writing it. Yes, it is a long shot, but I think I took the chance at She Speaks and then packed it away. Now, it's time to reopen it and start working on it all again.

Little Girl Lost

Today, I received a very sad email. Compassion International wrote to tell me that my sponsored child in Ecuador is no longer in the program. They were able to tell me that she is healthy and had completed the fifth grade. For some unknown reason, her parents decided not to send her anymore.

I ran into Karrie the other day. She is the friend I made at She Speaks that was traveling to Ecuador earlier this month. She carried a gift laden backpack for me and handed it off to the Compassion worker. I don't know that I anticipated Delia having received it yet. It would have had to make its way to the student center that she went to.

I called Compassion when I got off work to see if I could glean anymore info. The representative I spoke to said that there really wasn't much more. The parents don't have to give a reason. It could be that she was needed at home or it could be pressure from the community. Compassion is an evangelical organization. In a very Catholic country, they can be looked on askew. So, there was no more information to be had.

I did ask about the backpack. There's no way to know where it is at this moment. He said that the staff would likely still try to get it to her. I hope that they do. The things I picked out were with her in mind.

But, if not, they will use the things for other children at the center. As I thought about that today, I realized that while I had Delia in mind, God may have had several others in mind. The pack had a t-shirt, three stuffed animals, a book, a couple bracelets, binoculars, hair things, a scarf, . . . . The items could bless a number of children.

Though, there is one item in particular that I hope makes it to Delia. There was a locket with my picture pasted inside. I wanted her to wear it as a tangible reminder of my love and prayers for her.

Either way, I know that God will use those gifts. But, I am highly relational. So, I am sad tonight for this one little girl who is lost to me. But I can still pray for her and her grim, determined pose that God would hold her close and one day introduce her to me in heaven -- lost to me for a time but hopefully, prayerfully found in Him.

Not Really Alone

Thanks for all the thoughts on today's earlier post. I really appreciate it. If you haven't chimed in, please feel free too.

I've thought about it a lot today. I'm not sure what the answer is. But please pray with me about this whole issue of alone. It is very real. But I wonder if my fear of it should be allowed to over ride my decision making. I have been doing ppt as an act of service. Should the alone factor weigh so heavily that I don't do it.

I believe in KidStuf and want to help. So, the other question is if there is a better fit for me, something I can get passionate about? I don't know that answer off the top of my head. But I did email a friend and asked to get together to talk about it.

And if I am suppose to keep doing it, I pray God will make that clear and ease that fear.

I'm drawn back to Prince Caspian. Aslan tells Lucy that much time has been wasted. Lucy says something to the effect of, "I couldn't have left the others and come up to alone, how could I? . . . . I suppose I could. Yes, and I wouldn't have been alone, I know, not if I was with you."

So, there is that reality. I would not really be alone. And I would not just have God but the rest of people working on KidStuf going in the same direction even if I was in a loft in the corner with God doing my bit.



As soon as I'm done reading all the Narnia books, I promise to let up on the Narnia quotes!

Question on Gifts, Abilities, and Service

A couple years ago, my church was short on people to run Power Point (ppt) for the main service. I saw the announcement and thought, "I can do that." And I did. In my mind it was an act of service. It wasn't necessarily a gift. Simply, it was something that I knew how to do and that needed being done.

While I was more than able to put together and run the show, I found I didn't enjoy it all that much. The big piece was that I found it to be very lonely. Thursday night practice consisted of me in the loft upstairs watching the musicians chat and have a grand time while I waited for them to run through a song. (I couldn't join in the chatting without yelling.) More chatting. Run through another song.

Sunday morning, I watched everyone chat and worship. It was just me and the sound guy. Occasionally, they would have a prayer time. Sometimes I wanted to go down for prayer but I couldn't leave my post. Someone told me once to just ask the sound guy. The problem with running ppt though is that if I stopped and did that the slides would stop appearing.

Lonely. That is what I found ppt to be.

And, it was fraught with conflict. To be fair, I won't air all of that here. So, I decided to leave the ppt team.

So, when I quit, someone from our KidStuf worship asked me to run ppt for them. I was hesitant. There was definitely a lot less conflict but I still feared the lonely part.

She was very complimentary on how I run things. I have good timing and all. She called it a gift. Maybe. I wonder if it is just an ability -- something many people can learn.

We met this week to talk about next year. I found myself agreeing to help out, but now I am having second thoughts. We are moving to a different building. As we talked it came out that ppt might be in one place and sound in another. Thus, I would really be even more alone doing ppt.

I believe in KidStuf, but I'm not sure that I'm passionate about ppt.

And I definitely don't want to be alone. As a single who lives alone, I get up alone, I eat most meals alone (everyone at work takes different lunch breaks since it is a small office), I spend most evenings alone, I go to bed alone. (Unless you count the cats!) That is a lot of alone.

I think I feel the alone piece even more in social type situations where I, for whatever reason, have to be off by myself.

So, ppt has been an act of service on my part-- maybe more than others realize.

My question for you is what is the difference between gifts and abilities? Where do my feelings of not wanting to be alone on a regular basis come into play? Do I need to do it just as an act of service or should I find something different after a few years of doing it? Would it be selfish to say, "I don't want to do it if I have to sit by myself." (I do realize that might sound childish, but it is a real question.)

Your thoughts as I sift through this are welcome.

From America With Love -- Compassion International

Think it might feel like Christmas by the time this all makes it to my sponsored child, Delia, in Ecuador. With money a bit tight, I spent several hours going through my house looking for good gifts. Most of the things I found were in great shape and very use able. I found a pocket size photo album and a couple bracelets and a silk scarf (things for her mother and sister.) I got a few household things at the Dollar Store. One of the gifts I am most excited about is a locket I found from when I was a child. It has Washington DC on it. It is a nice size and I was able to glue my picture in there. I hope Delia will wear it and that it will remind her that I love and care for her.

I also found Prince Caspian in Spanish and picked up a tiny stuffed lion to go with the book. Then there are binoculars for her father and an t-shirt for her brother. There's also an assortment of candy and gum for her friends.

It all went into this backpack that I had used many years ago. It is in great condition. That in itself probably works as a gift.

But honestly, the best gift is the letter that is going along with it.

Do you have a Compassion Child? Do you write regularly?

A friend recently went on a Compassion trip. She said that the graduates told how much the letters meant to them. She was sad to learn that 30% of sponsors don't write.

That made me sad. To think of a child watching other children get letter after letter and never getting one.

Letters don't have to be big deals. You can do them on line even. They are life lines to hungry souls because they say, "I believe in you. I am rooting for you!" I try to write every couple of weeks even though I know that I will probably only get a letter back every quarter. Still, it seems the right thing to do.

Yes, all the things I'm sending are great. I love the opportunity because it makes her seem real in a new way. But, the best gift in the bag is the letter that tells her I love her and pray for her.

So, if you have a child -- write. Write about what you do in simple terms. Write about your church. Write about shoveling snow. Write about your pets. Write about how you came to know Jesus. Remember you are building a chain of hope in those letters.

Giving Gifts

I love giving gifts. Getting them is good too, but I think I enjoy giving them more. (That's probably not nearly as self-sacrificing or whatever as it might sound.) I don't necessarily enjoy shopping. Rather, I enjoy seeing someone else's pleasure in something I've given or something I've done for them.

This is particularly relevant in that I am in birthday mode at the moment. Kolya turned 14 a few days ago. Though I don't typically like just giving money, for a 14-year-old, it is often the right color and size! (And Kolya is already saving for a car when he turns 16. His mom shared with me that he has already save $500! How amazing is that?)

Julie has a birthday March 6th. I'm set to see her tomorrow but then won't see her again for two weeks. So, I decided to do the birthday thing tomorrow. She's getting a homemade treat. I've taken stuff to her office before. However, I've never made this particular item. So, it is scary that I somehow managed to only copy half the recipe off the Internet and ended up winging the rest of it since I didn't have time to get on line and hunt it down again. We'll just say that there are ample amounts of chocolate and sugar and other sweet things involved. She's getting 2 of the same thing. One is to share with her office. (They love treats!) One is to take home to share with her family.

Jill was a little trickier. (I really do typically rely on the stumble method for her, but Christmas and her birthday are too close together for that to be reliable.) She has a ton more fashion sense than I do, so my picking out clothes for her isn't always the best option! (How does one look so put together just wearing jeans and a top? I really don't get it!)

In an earlier post, I shared about my foray to the mall. The wander aimlessly and hope that something jumps out and bites you technique really didn't work -- at all. I resorted to calling her husband and asking for an idea but that really didn't help. So, I took to cruising other stores -- Jeffrey Alan's, Hobby Lobby, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, Meijer, Walmart, . . . . It caused me to see the advantage of the mall in that all the stores are inside. With the temp hovering below freezing going back to the mall had a certain appeal.

In the end, I came up with the idea for Jill's present right before falling asleep one night. But I had to go back to Meijer and Walmart to look for it. They both had it, but I wanted to see which had the better price.

What did I get Jill? A pedometer. Okay, it doesn't sound like a particularly exciting gift. But Jill is really into her walking and it just seemed to fit. The other pieces of the gift were lunch out on Saturday and a heart felt card. Jill seemed pleased with both and in turn, that really pleased me!

Jill made the comment that I am "thoughtful." That has stuck with me the last few days and kind of nested in my soul. Thoughtful. What a nice thing to say. I like that characterization. And I think it reflects back to my efforts to find "the gift." When I give gifts, I like them to say, "I thought about you. This had you written on it."

I've done a little reflecting on the gifts God gives. In Matthew 7:9-11, it says, "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" I don't want to take this totally out of context or anything. But I think it points to God's heart.

If I enjoy giving gifts, how much more does God enjoy giving gifts to us? He knows us intimately and always has our best in mind. We are never far from His thoughts and every day is a gift He has prepared for us. Every moment is a gift He planned.

So, when you look at the sunset or the starry sky or the face of your sleeping child, stop and think. "Look how thoughtful He is! He thought of me and gave me . . . ."

I haven't teased it all out just yet, but I think it is safe to say, a hopeful heart and a grateful heart often go hand in hand. I think, perhaps, they compliment each other.

Say It All Out Loud

Last year it snowed right before Valentine's Day and it snowed the day of. It snowed so much the night before, I thought we would have to change our Valentine's plans. While it was still dreadfully cold, the snow relented and Bill and I and Mark and Jill made it to the dinner theater/show. (Jill lost her gloves somewhere there. We never did find them, but it made picking out a birthday present easy for her for later in the month. )

I remember being in a bit of a tizzy about what to get Bill for Valentine's Day. Having never dated much, I didn't have a clue. What would say to much? What wouldn't say enough? We had only been dating since November and had navigated Christmas and then his birthday January 14th. For Christmas I got him a Bible that helps you read it through in a year and the book I helped write. He had been asking to read it, but I was shy about giving it to him. I made him promise to read the whole thing and not just my chapters. (And he did, but he read my chapters first!) For his birthday he got slippers. Okay, that's kind of a practical gift. I typically like presents to have meaning behind them. But we were at the mall and he looked at them and really liked them and had been complaining for a month about the hole in his. Oh, and we also spent a whole day together in Chicago.

A month later, Valentine's rolls around. As I said before, I didn't have much experience in this holiday. Nothing jumped out at me. There was nothing he needed or hinted that he wanted. So, I had to get creative. I decided on two things. The first was making a peanut butter pie. I had never had one and definitely had never made one. But he had always talked about how good his mother's was. His mother had passed away a number of years before and there was no way to get that recipe. I don't think Bill even had it. I scoured the internet and came up with a simple pie recipe and decorated it with a Hershey Kisses shaped in a heart. The second gift was a heart felt letter.

I think they were good gifts. They made sense to me on an emotional level and I hoped they had meaning. But looking back, I also think the letter was my way of not taking a risk. I never heard my parents say, "I love you." I never saw any affection between them. Navigating this was really uncharted territory. So, I did what I felt safe with. I wrote.

Bill passed away unexpectedly the end of April last year. While I did manage to say, "I love you" at times, I never said it as much as I thought it. I never said it with as much depth as I wrote it or felt it. It was my fear of rejection or looking silly or sappy or whatever that kept me from it. But I knew that Bill longed to hear it. So, I wish instead of writing it that I had read it to him. I wish that I had said it out loud with all the depth there was behind it.

Whatever it is, say it out loud or in whatever way the person you love (children, friends, spouse) will hear it best. Don't let fear or embarrassment or whatever holds you back rob you and them. Say it out loud! Life is too short not to.

Expectations -- Hope Chronicles 5

Recently, I overheard this conversation between two men. The first announced happily that he had received a $300 bonus from his company. The second man was less enthusiastic. He said, "Well, you want to know what I got? A $25 gift card. Enjoy yours . . . ." Actually, he pretty much slammed whomever gave him that gift card.

There is a big discrepancy in the amount of money received. I will grant that. However, I wonder about the circumstances around the gifts. Does one work for a small company and another a large one? Were the gifts from the company or the individual bosses? What were the thoughts behind the gifts?

I was actually a little taken aback. There was so little gratitude for the gift given to the second man. Clearly he expected more or thought he deserved more.

I like to give gifts but I hope the price tag attached isn't what the people see. I hope they see the heart behind it. I hope I receive gifts being grateful for what has been given rather than looking at what I would rather have had or comparing it to what someone else received.

This week I've been reflecting on the three Wise Men (also known as Magi or Kings) that followed a star from far off lands to see the King of the Jews. In Mathew, they initially stop at King Herod's palace to ask where they can find this new king. It seems realistic that since the star was announcing the the birth of a king that they would find him in a palace. Herod doesn't know of this new king but is suspicious and asks them to find him and return and tell him where to find the new king. But God warns them of returning to Herod.

Tradition often indicates that the Magi show up the night of Jesus birth. But in Mathew, it indicates that they found Jesus in a house rather than a manager. Either way, manager or house, it was probably an infinitely more humble dwelling than they might have expected for a king! They seemed to initially think that they would find him at the palace.

My take on this is that they didn't find quite what they expected. They could have turned away, convincing themselves that this was somehow a mistake -- this isn't where you find kings. However, this did not deter them from worshipping Jesus. They were willing to have their expectations adjusted. As a result, they didn't miss out on a unique opportunity.

Which are you like? The Magi or the second man in the story above. When things don't look as you had hoped or anticipated do you reject what is offered or take it gratefully?

I would like to be like the Magi, but I think that I am often like the second man. Maybe not so much with gifts but more with my circumstances. Things look nothing like I dreamt of as a child or even what I dreamt of a year ago. I need to be reminded that my hope is in a living God who know what is best for me. He gives good gifts to his children -- even when I don't always understand them.

My prayer is that I would be able to fix my eyes on that hope and the good things He has given.