40 to 40 (Gratitude 11)

I am thankful for my church. I go to a nondenominational church called Crosswinds. I'm not sure of the year, but I think it started 8 or 9 years ago with some people in my pastor's living room praying and dreaming about starting a church.

I've been going there now for 4-5 years. One of the things I'm grateful for is that people are very involved. Recently, we purchased a building from an aging congregation. We went from this warehouse:




to this 97 year old building that was filled with 97 year's worth of stuff! It was amazing how many people helped on the remodeling that was done. (My contribution was food and hauling stuff like wood to the burn pile and carpet to the dumpster. Yes, I am very skilled in these types of things . . . .)


We've moved from the edge of town into a neighborhood. There is a real desire to serve the neighborhood we are in. The pastor planned a lunch for the neighborhood school teachers before school started. We are also a polling place. One person spearheaded the idea of feeding the election officials at our site from 5:30 AM to 10:00 PM. A variety of people contributed.

So I'm thankful for a church that has people who are really involved and that wants to reach out.

40 to 40 (Gratitude 5)

(Click graphic to find
our about 40 to 40)

I am thankful that God gave me a love of reading from a very early age and that my parents encouraged reading. I remember going to the local library every Saturday and checking out 2-3 books. These would all be read by the next Saturday, so they were ready to be taken back.

My one sister and I actually were interested in the same things. Often, you would find a book with two bookmarks in it because we would try to read it at the same time!

Even now, I have 4 books that I am reading: Behind Those Eyes (Christian inspiration), Thank You For All Things (secular fiction), The Shack (Christian fiction), and The Life You've Always Wanted (Christian inspiration).

For the most part, my family were C & E (Christmas and Easter) church goers. However, there were other occasional days sprinkled in there as well. One Sunday we "just happened" to go to church the day they were giving the third graders Bibles. I remember holding it and looking at it as being the first time I had looked at a Bible.

It was a holy "coincidence" that brought us there that Sunday. And a built in love of reading that made us, without parental encouragement, want to read it. God wired me so that when given the chance, I would fall in love with His word. This is me in the third grade.

40 to 40 (Gratitude 4)

(Click graphic to find
out about 40 to 40)

I am thankful for my church. When I write that, I don't necessarily mean the building. I definitely mean the people. A building is just a place to meet. The real heart of the church is the people.

I started going to Crosswinds about five years ago. I had been having a difficult time and was angry with God. I determined that if I didn't seem to matter to God then I shouldn't bother getting up for church on a Sunday morning. This lasted about 9 months. Finally, in desperation I called my doctor's office. It is a Christian practice. I asked the nurse if there was a church they could recommend. They listed 3 but only 1 had a pastor's name attached. I called there.

I'm so thankful that God brought me there. I was as jumpy as a frog and prickly as a porcupine, but God used the people to really minister to me and bring some measure of healing.

Question on Gifts, Abilities, and Service

A couple years ago, my church was short on people to run Power Point (ppt) for the main service. I saw the announcement and thought, "I can do that." And I did. In my mind it was an act of service. It wasn't necessarily a gift. Simply, it was something that I knew how to do and that needed being done.

While I was more than able to put together and run the show, I found I didn't enjoy it all that much. The big piece was that I found it to be very lonely. Thursday night practice consisted of me in the loft upstairs watching the musicians chat and have a grand time while I waited for them to run through a song. (I couldn't join in the chatting without yelling.) More chatting. Run through another song.

Sunday morning, I watched everyone chat and worship. It was just me and the sound guy. Occasionally, they would have a prayer time. Sometimes I wanted to go down for prayer but I couldn't leave my post. Someone told me once to just ask the sound guy. The problem with running ppt though is that if I stopped and did that the slides would stop appearing.

Lonely. That is what I found ppt to be.

And, it was fraught with conflict. To be fair, I won't air all of that here. So, I decided to leave the ppt team.

So, when I quit, someone from our KidStuf worship asked me to run ppt for them. I was hesitant. There was definitely a lot less conflict but I still feared the lonely part.

She was very complimentary on how I run things. I have good timing and all. She called it a gift. Maybe. I wonder if it is just an ability -- something many people can learn.

We met this week to talk about next year. I found myself agreeing to help out, but now I am having second thoughts. We are moving to a different building. As we talked it came out that ppt might be in one place and sound in another. Thus, I would really be even more alone doing ppt.

I believe in KidStuf, but I'm not sure that I'm passionate about ppt.

And I definitely don't want to be alone. As a single who lives alone, I get up alone, I eat most meals alone (everyone at work takes different lunch breaks since it is a small office), I spend most evenings alone, I go to bed alone. (Unless you count the cats!) That is a lot of alone.

I think I feel the alone piece even more in social type situations where I, for whatever reason, have to be off by myself.

So, ppt has been an act of service on my part-- maybe more than others realize.

My question for you is what is the difference between gifts and abilities? Where do my feelings of not wanting to be alone on a regular basis come into play? Do I need to do it just as an act of service or should I find something different after a few years of doing it? Would it be selfish to say, "I don't want to do it if I have to sit by myself." (I do realize that might sound childish, but it is a real question.)

Your thoughts as I sift through this are welcome.

The Parable of the Sturdy Pillar

Once there was a big beautiful palace. In the center of that palace was an ornate room of the kind you only find in fairy tales. In the middle of that room was a large and very sturdy pillar. It was beautiful pillar, but it it was just a pillar. And as with some stable things in our lives, it was sometimes taken for granted.

One day, the king looked at the pillar and called for the carpenter. "Here now, I think I need a bit more room in here. Be a good chap and shave a bit off the right side of that pillar." So, that is what the carpenter did. He painted it all up and no one ever knew the difference. They barely noticed the slight wobble in the floor above.

Many years later, the queen was planning a ball. She wanted plenty of room for dancing. She called for the carpenter. "I need more room. Please take a bit off the left side of that pillar."So that is what the carpenter did. He painted it all up and no one ever knew the difference.

Several years later, the prince was having a fencing tournament. He thought he needed more room. So, he gave a royal command to the carpenter to take just a bit more off that pillar. So, that is what the carpenter did. He painted it all up and no one ever knew the difference. Though, when the wind blew off the ocean in just the right way and one was on the floor above, some thought they could feel the floor shake just a bit. But everyone knew this was nonsense because it was a well built palace and had a nice sturdy pillar in the middle of the room below.

As you might have guessed, there was also a princess. She was getting married. So, of course, she wanted her wedding in that very special room with that pillar. But there were so many guests that there wasn't quite enough room for all the chairs. She looked at that pillar and called for the carpenter. "The wedding is only a few days away. Quick now, I need more room. Take some off the pillar." So, though he thought better of it, that is what the carpenter did. But he was beginning to wonder how much more he could take off that pillar and still call it a pillar.

The night of the wedding all the quests were assembled. The bride and groom exchanged vows. So that everyone in the kingdom would know the wedding had taken place, the king commanded that 100 drums and 100 trumpets ring out. So, at just the right moment just before the kiss, the king gave the signal and the drums and trumpets rang out. They were so loud the whole room, the whole palace reverberated.

With a sudden crash, the ceiling gave way. The guests below just barely escaped. And the king called for his carpenter in a fury. He asked, "How could you let this happen? I thought this was a solidly built palace and with a sturdy pillar at the center!"

The carpenter stood tall. "I only obeyed royal orders, sire. But it seems that every few years someone commands that I take just a bit more off that pillar. But no one ever stopped and asked or gave a thought as to what that pillar might be holding up!"

The moral of the story: Before you move a pillar or shave anything off, be sure you know why it was put there and what it might be holding up. If you are careless and whittle a pillar away, you may find yourself scrambling when the ceiling gives way.

There are, of course, many pillars in our lives: diet, exercise, learning, and such. But more importantly, are the spiritual pillars like time with God, prayer, and meeting with other believers. But just like the royal family, we whittle away our pillars. We get up too late for a quiet time. When a friend asks for a prayer, we promise to do it later but other things crowd it out of our mind. Sometimes we think, "Sunday is a day of rest, so I'll just stay here a bit longer. God wake me up if you want me to go to church." Or we may think that listening to Christian music is enough to turn our minds to God and things above.

But God is our pillar. When we let things whittle away the spiritual pillars of our lives, we shave away important pieces of our life with Him.

Be careful not to move a pillar without finding out exactly what it is holding up or you know exactly what you are giving up! Thus ends the parable of the sturdy pillar.




Disclaimer: Can't say that I've ever tried to write a parable before, but the thought stuck with me and I thought I would try it out on all of you!

MIA

"Are you okay?"

The question was so immediate to my picking up the phone that it took me off guard. "Yeah. I just got home from work . . . ."

"I was worried . . . ."

I had talked to my friend, Jill, last night. Austin and Kolya had invited me to their band's first concert. (When Cypress Road takes off, I get to say that I knew them when . . . .) I had to work at the book store and Jill invited me to come for dinner right after and stay for their concert. But apparently all of my synapses weren't firing and both things slipped my mind.

We all have emotional traps we fall into. One of mine is that if I went MIA (missing in action) that it would take forever for people to notice. Aside from work, there is no one that I interact with on a daily basis. And then there are the weekends. If I'm not scheduled at the Barnes and Noble, then there in nowhere I have to be. While people might notice at church, it might take a few times of missing for there to be a response. There are a multitude of benign (vacation, out of town, etc) reasons for someone to miss.

I got off work at 6:00 and that would have put me at Jill's by 6:15 or so. Thanks to her call, I made it to the 7:30 premier. While I don't want to make a habit of missing things, her timely response and care touched me. I told her as I was leaving, "That blows my it-would-take-forever-for-someone-to-miss-me theory out of the water!" Perhaps it is silly, but it felt nice.

A Knight's Heart -- Hope Chronicles 44

One of the gifts I've received over the last year is being in Deb and Joe's small group. I've learned quite a bit from interacting with them. Last night after a meeting, they invited me to go out to dinner with them. It is a Mexican place that I had only been to once but had enjoyed. As part of the kid's meal, their children (Raquel who is 5 and Lucas who is 3) received a tortilla wrapped up like a cone with ice cream in it. (I have no clue what the technical name for it is.)

As they were eating, Raquel's fell to the floor. Debbie told her it "stayed there." Raquel burst into huge sobs. Not wanting to see his sister so upset, Lucas dove under the table to grab the cone and present it to his sister. As Debbie said, "What are you going to do with such a kind response?" The only thing we decided was that Raquel would at least be building antibodies and the 10 second rule has to apply in restaurants as well, right?

Apparently this is characteristic of Lucas with his big sister. Deb said that if they are disciplining Raquel, even just speaking firmly, Lucas makes the demand for them to stop because they are upsetting her. At 3, Lucas has become a knight rushing to the rescue.

I love the responsiveness of his heart. I pray that he never loses that responsiveness because it is so like God's heart. When we cry out, God responds. Psalm 34:17-18 says

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

In Psalm 55:16-18 the psalmist writes:

But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me.

Both of these psalms point to the responsiveness of God to the plight of His people. Granted, we may not always get what we want the way we expect it. However, we can have hope because our knight, our heavenly Father, is always listening and always responding. He is ever present and ever attentive to His children.

Be Anxious About Nothing -- Hope Chronicles 40

It would be so much simpler if there was always a cause and effect. But over the years I've simply found that there isn't always one.

I had a good day yesterday. I slept in and puttered around the house and on the computer. In the evening, I worked at the bookstore. It made for a late night since on Saturdays we are open until 11:00PM and we had been slammed most of the evening. It meant that recovery took us a solid 45 minutes. It probably should have been longer, but the manager was shooing us out the door. It made for a late night but it was still a good day.

I got up about 8 this morning and made it to 9:00 KidStuf. But somewhere in there anxiety inexplicably wormed its way in. There was nothing that I could put my finger on to be anxious about. I don't think that "being anxious about nothing" in this context was what Paul meant when he wrote in Philippians 4:6, "Be anxious about nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I had a couple reactions to the sudden onslaught. My first thought was to flee. Like some of the animals I love -- horses and cats -- I am a flight animal by nature. God whispered in my ear, "Start down that road and it will be hard to turn back. It will become a habit quickly," I stayed and wandered restlessly through the entire break between services.

The anxiety did not lessen second service. Rather, I turned into a puddle and cried during each worship song. Again, there was the feeling of needing to flee. But I stayed.

Well, I stayed exactly until church was over. There was no one on my right. And the person on my left was immediately engaged in conversation. I grabbed my stuff and sprinted to the door.

But the anxiety really had little, I think, to do with church. I got home and still felt anxious.

Anxiety is a hard thing to explain to someone who has never experienced it. It is much more than butterflies in the tummy. Rather, it is like a huge spring in your body being tightened and twisted until it might burst.

Sometimes there isn't much energy associated with it -- just a restlessness. But today, there was some energy behind mine. I made a choice. My first option was to hole up in my bed and pull the covers up. My second choice was to do something. I opted for the second.

I hate yard work. My dad always did all of the outside jobs. It was his domain. Consequently, I didn't learn how to mow the grass until last year. Thankfully, a friend did it for me a few times and then taught me how.

So, I checked the oil and added gas and pulled and pulled and pulled. About the 10th pull (right before I was ready to give up in despair), it started and I began the chore. As I came around the front, I realized that my closest neighbor (our townhouses are adjoined and she is also single) needed her yard done as well. So, when I came to the end of my lawn I kept going. On the swing back, I realized that my other neighbor (a single mom with two girls) needed her yard done as well. I hesitated a moment and then crossed into her yard. I did the 3 yards in long sweeps and hoped my neighbor's neighbors weren't watching and expecting me to keep going and going and going!

Proverbs 12:25 says, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." I guess I adapted it to "An anxious heart weighs her down, but doing a kind deed cheers her up."

We now probably have three of the worst cut lawns (given my inexperience) in the neighborhood, but they are cut! Though, not having a weed eater or trimmer or whatever it is I would need, I'm not sure how to get right along the fence . . . .

So, the lawns are cut and while there is still a hint of anxiety, it's not nearly as strong as it was earlier. I feel as if I chose hope when in the past I would have chosen retreat.

If I Had Only Known

Sometimes, others have already said it so much better than we ever could that it seems necessary to borrow their words. Carolyn Arends is a Christian singer/song writer. This song sums up the end of things with Bill for me. Here is a snippet of it:

If I had known only known

That you'd be leaving here so soon

I would not have been so flippant

When I offered you the moon.

I would pull my chair up closer

To the railing of your bed

Chosen much more carefully

The words I said

I would ask you for your stories

I would tell you mine

I would give you much more credit

I would take more of your time

There's so much I left unspoken

If you were here right now

Oh, I would love you out loud

Carolyn Arends

Love You Out Loud

Album: This Much I Understand

If I had only known:

• I would have held your hand more often
• I would have called you more just to say "Hello" even if we would be seeing each other in just a few hours.
• I would have laughed when you tried to tame my crazy kitty Katy into coming to you no matter how late it made us for dinner
• I would have pressed to meet your family sooner
• I would have let you help me with more things instead of trying to be independent
• I would have snuggled more
• I would have told you more about my thoughts and feelings. Oh, it wasn't that you didn't it ask but just that I am not a natural talker.
• I would have made you more cookies and peanut butter pie.

If I had only known that you'd be leaving here so soon, I would not have been so shy. I would have loved you out loud.

If you were here right now:

• I'd let you help with flowers for the yard
• I'd actually cook for you
• I'd tell you how hard it was to have you go so suddenly
• I'd laugh with you about Mali's antics. She would have you wrapped around that tiny paw.
• I'd let you comfort me on some of the strange turns my life has taken
• I'd tell you about the book I hope to write
• I'd drive you crazy holding your hand
• I'd laugh more
• I'd smile more
• I'd be the one to try and sneak the kiss
• I'd count every second as a treasure

And, yes, I would love you out loud . . . .

---

Bill died April 23, 2007 from an aortic aneurysm. We had met at church. Our first date almost turned into a group outing. I was standing with Emily when he approached me and asked about a concert in Peoria that night. Assuming he meant a group outing, I turned to Emily and asked her if that sounded like fun. He graciously said that more people would be fine. But Emily caught on more quickly than I did and she declined.

When he picked me up he noticed that I didn't put the garage door down. I explained that it was broken and I had no clue what to do with it. The next day he came by to fix it for me. I was making cookies, so he stayed for some . . . .

He fixed that sill garage door 3 times! Third time was the charm. It hasn't broken since.

But I suppose instead, it's my heart that got broken to have him leave so suddenly. It's been a year and I still remember. It's been a year that was really hard in places, but my heart is healing. I'm making it through.

Bill brought me laughter and a feeling of connection that before I had only ever dreamed could happen. Without Bill I might have given up that the connection even really existed. While it hurt to say a sudden "Goodbye," there is hope in knowing that mystical connection is fact not fiction and even I can dare to reach out for it.

Update and A Bit on the Ligher Side

Since I've asked many of you to pray over the last week about my going to NIU as a volunteer, I feel the need to update you. I'm not going. It's not for a lack of willingness, but it seems that it wasn't in God's plan at this moment. So, I have been praying today and will continue to do so. I just never heard from anyone other than the last email I posted about on Thursday. We were specifically told not to call because NIU was already inundated with phone calls about various things.

On a different note, I had a fun and encouraging day. At church this moring, we had a birthday party for EVERYONE. We were celebrating a year of doing KidStuf. I snapped lots of really cute pictures like this one of Lydia, Elena, and Grace. The thing that impresses me about many of the kids at my church is that they are so kind. I've seen it in various ways with older kids helping younger ones. And the younger ones just adore the older ones.

When I took 8 kids skating in December, they ranged in ages from 5-13. The older ones could have ignored the younger ones, but they didn't! I love to see the mix. It just so happens that the virtue this month was kindness. The parents got to brag on their children during service.

I've been getting to know Joe and Debbie and their two children. I've been in their community group and they have invited me over several times. I've invited them over a number of times, but they have never made it. (I suspect that part of it was a fear that their kiddos would destroy my house. While I don't want things destroyed, I have a pretty high tolerance level for kid messes and enjoy them -- the kids, that is.) Joe had to bow out, but Debbie, Lucas, and Raquel came for homemade soup and grilled cheese. We then made Peanut Blossoms (Hershey Kiss cookies.)

Raquel seemed to really enjoy making the cookies. She did a great job rolling the peanut butter balls in sugar. Lucas unwrapped the kisses but I think more ended up in him than on the plate for the cookies!

Even when the cookies had been baked, Lucas went for the chocolate. He then told me he wanted to share and gave me the peanut butter part. I discretely disposed of the ABC (Already Been Chewed on) cookie.

Both Lucas and Raquel were enthralled with Mali. (Katy is my shy kitty and she hid while they were here, but Mali doesn't mind company a bit.) I've been teaching Mali to do tricks like come, sit, and up. She was even willing to do up for Raquel and I finally have proof of my little one's talent. Hollywood here we come!

Have a blessed week!

Hope in the Darkness -- Hope Chronicles 16

Have you ever noticed that a candle in the light doesn't mean much? That is to say, its impact isn't felt. A candle in the dark -- now that is another story. Its light draw's our attention as it pushes back the darkness that surrounds it. Hope is always useful. But it is when the darkness is pressing in, that it is most useful.

But then, maybe those who have not learned to hope in the day cannot fathom it in the darkness? Perhaps, it is all the hopes that we see come to fruition in the light of day that make hope in the night possible.

I have always been fascinated by World War II history. I have wondered if I would have had the courage to hide my neighbors . . .. Would I risk my life for another?

Corrie ten Boom is the author of The Hiding Place. It is the story of her family during WWII and how they helped rescue Jews in Holland. In the course of hiding refugees, the family was found out. Corrie, Betsie (her sister), and their father were sent to concentration camps. Their father died within 10 days. Betsie also later died in the camp.

One conversation that Corrie writes about in the The Hiding Place stands out to me in particular. Somehow, Betsie and Corrie were able to smuggle a Bible into the camp when they were arrested. One night they are lying on the bunks being bitten by fleas. Corrie complains to Betsie about the fleas. Betsie tells Corrie that they must pray and thank God for the fleas. Her reasoning -- the guards do not come into their barracks because of the fleas. As a result, they are able to have their Bible and even does a Bible study with the other women.

Hope, seeing God in even the "small things," I think is what made Betsie able to thank God even for the fleas. She recognized that no detail was ever out of His hand. It was her life long history with God that enabled her to connect the dots to Him even in the midst of the horror of a camp.

So, how do we learn to hope in the day so that when we are in darkness we can hope again?

Recount God's faithfulness to you. Sometimes, when things are hard it's difficult to see all the ways He has been faithful. I did a little of that with recounting blessings in Friday’s post.

Tonight I was looking back even further. I grew up in a nominally Christian home. We generally went to church on Christmas and Easter and a few other times scattered among the year. As I look back, it is amazing to me that we just happened to go to church the Sunday they were giving the third grader's Bibles. Honestly, I had never read any of the Bible or even looked at one. I don't remember there being one in the house. But God knew that if He got a Bible into my hands I would read it. (Of course, it didn't hurt that I had a little competition going with my twin as to who could read the whole thing first. So periodically, we would ask, "So where are you?" This would set about a flurry of reading.)

God also put me in a family that was very BIG on appearances. It was important to my parents that we belong to the church. In our denomination, we had to be confirmed. This happened in the 7th grad and necessitated being in church for a year for confirmation classes. My parents decided that they would take us and drop us off. I don't remember being particularly thrilled the first week, but we soon discovered we liked it and were voluntarily going to youth group and choir as well! Within a year, I had made a personal decision for Christ.

When I reflect on all of this -- the Bible Sunday and having to go to confirmation class -- I see God's hand at work. He was preparing my heart for the day I would meet Him years before it happened. So, when the darkness pushes in, I can recount the way He was faithful in bringing me to himself and all the ways He's been faithful ever since.

How have you seen God's faithfulness?

Let Me Out I'm Stuck In Your Pocket -- Hope Chronicles 13

Little girls. You never know what they will find funny! Someone at work sent me this free ring tone. "Let me out I'm stuck in your pocket!" said in a high pitched and English accented voice. Elena and Grace thought this was the best! So, when I had them this weekend, there were about 100 requests to hear it one more time. While I thought it was cute, I apparently didn't know just how much fun it could be!




A friend called me Friday morning while I was at work. She is dong the single mom thing and has been under a bit of stress over the last 6 months. She is the independent sort, so for her to ask me to take her girls for the weekend says something about how much she felt like she need a break.




Though it wasn't in my plans, Elena (7) and Grace (5) and I are pals, so I thought that I could swing it. They came at 10:00 on Saturday. Somehow, it turns out that I had promised two meals on Saturday -- one to someone from church who just had surgery and one for a friend's family who was out of town. I don't renege on promises! So, we dropped a casserole off to Kathy, went to the grocery store (interesting event with 2 girls tagging along), grabbed McDonalds as a reward for being such good helpers, dropped supplies off to Kathy because she needed some things from the store, came home and whipped up baked spaghetti, played a few games while it was baking, and then ran it out to my friend's family -- all the while listening to that ring tone.







We got back to my house and my friend, Debbie, called. She invited me to dinner! She could hear the noise in the background, so I explained that the girls were here. She told me to bring them as her children play better with new kids around. We put in a movie for a couple hours and watched it in a "dog pile." I had the couch first and then Grace climbed on and the cats and then Elena. I couldn't move lest I knock someone on the floor, but it was a happy couple of hours.




We then headed over to Joe and Debbie's where we were treated to homemade pizza. The kids ran, played, and belly slid head first down the stairs! We then frosted mini heart shaped cupcakes. It turns out that when you range in ages from 3-7, cupcakes are reusable. They were getting eaten as fast as they got frosted but then we started running low on cupcakes. The kids decided to lick the icing off and decorate multiple times!






So, we've been to church in pajamas (the girls, not me), had lunch, and now Elena is reading and Grace and Mali are napping in a patch of sun as I write. Contentment is sweet even if I'm a little tired from keeping up with them. It has been a good time.


And, I think there is a hope principal to be found in all of this. Hope is meant to be passed on. I think a lot of hope has been passed around as people have served each other. I helped Kathy and my friend's family. (Though, I should point out that I'm not as domestic as all of this makes me sound!) While I'm helping out Grace and Elena's mom, they have also brightened my generally solitary life. And then, Joe and Debbie and their kids having us all over . . . . Interestingly, they had already spent much of the day having another single mom's kids over! I'm sure when they called to invite me they were just thinking one not three! I also know that my friend's family spent part of their morning helping to clean the church and work on the church library.




Ironically, today in church the message was on service. Mark Savage started the service by saying that he wanted us to each listen to the Holy Spirit and write down something we could do for an anonymous (at that point) struggling family in our midst. We've done it a couple times in the past, but we would also be emptying our pockets or purses as an offering for them. Still, this time he wanted it to go beyond finances so bright orange pieces of paper were passed out to put commitments on. He challenged us that we often look to for serving to be categorized and limited, but we need to know "It's not about me!" We can also try to serve depending on who it is. Jesus didn't do that. He washed the feet of Judas.



A couple months ago, I had a conversation where I was complaining about someone else. Julie said to me, "I've found that the people who grate on me the most are the ones I most need to have compassion on." I've been thinking about it the last couple of hours. I think Julie is right. In someways, the things I've done the last couple of days have been easy because of who they are for. I need to ponder who I might be called to serve when it wouldn't come so easily or naturally.



But what does it mean to have compassion on someone? I looked it up online at http://www.thefreedictionary.com/. It said, "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it." That was humbling to read.



I think it fits biblically. In the gospels, when Jesus feeds the 5,000 it says that he had compassion on them for they were like sheep without a shepherd. There are two things that stand out. First, He understood their plight. Second, He didn't just understand it. He had a deep desire to address it. In fact, that is why He came -- to be the Good Shepherd!



Mark also taught about how in John 12 it talks about how a seed must be planted to multiply. A seed that isn't planted remains alone. The planted seed brings about a great harvest.



So, as Mark talked about us emptying our pockets and (in some ways) our hearts in acts of service, I was reminded of that silly ring tone. Let me out I'm stuck in your pocket! Hope stuck in your pocket is really no hope at all. Hope stuck in your pocket will only wither and die. It's meant to be passed on. Will you let hope out of your pocket today?


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One last picture because it is so cute and an anecdote. At Crosswinds we have a kid oriented service at 9:00 with dancing, singing, skits, and contests. It is called Kid Stuf. Anyway, Joe and Debbie's kids, Raquel and Lucas, know all the songs and sing them loudly at home and in the car and dance. However, we've had Kid Stuf for over a year and they have never gone up front to join the other kids on the floor.




Last night, they were having a lot of fun with Grace and Elena, so we planted that idea that at Kid Stuf they could sit with Grace and Elena. Still, they headed to their normal chairs when they arrived this morning. I said something to Raquel but she seemed unsure. So, I said as excitedly as I could to Lucas, "Want to go sit with Elena?" His eyes lit up and I took that as a "Yes," and before he could change his mind, I snatched him up and carried him off to the front. Raquel, not wanting to be left behind, followed.




They stayed up front the entire time! This is Lucas rocking it out in his pajamas. The only catch was that it meant I also stayed up front and sat on the floor too. Since I was trying to engage them, I felt compelled to attempt the dances. Seeing as I have no rhythm, I'm sure it was quite the sight to see!

What Are You Passing On? - Hope Chronicles 8

Why didn't anyone tell me it was a theme week? You guys are suppose to let me in on those things!

Do you remember those days in elementary school or at day camp that were theme days? There was "Backwards Day" or "Hat Day" or "Pajama Day" or whatever. The great dilemma was if you should participate or not. If you came wearing everything backwards and no one else did . . . . Or if you were the only person not to wear a hat . . . .

This week has felt like a theme week. Actually, it's just been the last few days, but it doesn't bode well for the New Year. It has been "How rude can you be?" week. People have been down right mean with no real reason.

Wed. night I worked at the bookstore. There is an educator discount that has to be used for classroom items. A faculty member came up and wanted to use his discount for the paper he was buying. He showed me the card. I read the back and pointed out that it wasn't applicable for the newspaper. He told me that I was "most certainly wrong" and raised his voice and leaned forward. When I tried to show him what it said on the card, he just got more incensed. It was a 20% discount on a $1.50 paper. We are talking pennies not major dollars. His demeanor so alarmed another cashier that she fetched the management.

Thursday I was walking to my car after work. I was crossing with the walk signal. A guy was driving buy and yelled, "Don't jay walk you @!*% #*@!!!" I had the signal. I wasn't even crossing his lane of traffic. I hadn't stepped out in front of him or anything of that nature. I don't have a clue as to what provoked him. Oh, yeah -- it was like 24 degrees out. What possesses someone to roll down their window in that kind of weather and yell obscenities?

Today was my super long day at my data entry job. I go in at 6:30 and leave at 4:30 with a half hour lunch. At 4:20 I answered the phone. The woman said, "You're probably getting ready to close up for the day." I said that we were closing at 4:30, but could I help her? She asked for some information. I told her I couldn't give that to her over the phone but offered to transfer her to an office that could help her. She declined and switched topic to asking about who owned her land in 1911. I explained that the computer system only went back about 30 years and that would involve a search of the books. I also explained that I really needed the parcel number. She pressed. I told her I would like to help her but that there wasn't quick access to that information. I also explained that I am relatively new and hadn't been trained on a book search so I would have to get someone else's assistance. Her response, "Well, that much is obvious!" Major break in the conversation. I think I was stunned into silence. She finally said, "I was just kidding!" I replied, "I'm not at all sure how to respond to your comment." She again insisted she was "kidding." I eventually managed to transfer her to a supervisor.

So, it feels like it has been "How rude can you be?" week. I haven't intentionally participated but have definitely been impacted and it has not been fun!

If nothing else, it has gotten me thinking. I don't know if these people 1) have never been taught manners, 2) were having horrendous days, or 3) have no clue about about social discourse and being polite. Whatever the reason, I think they were passing on despair. I know I could feel the impact.

What do you pass on to others? It can be intentional or not. Sometimes, it can be a kind word or a smile. Maybe it is telling the management at your favorite grocery store when someone was particularly helpful. Maybe it is going out of your way for someone.

New Year's in central Illinois was greeted with snow. I love how it looks, but I abhor the shoveling chore that comes with it. It actually turns me a bit melancholy. I admit that my thought as I set out to shovel on Tuesday was, "Why did this happen to me?" Of course, I am the queen of taking things personally and weather is so personal. Not! And it turned to a long whine of, "Why does everything come down to me?" This is true since I am single. If the vacuum gets run, I have to run it. If the litter box gets changed, it's because I changed it. If the bills get paid, I paid them. But there is a difference in excepting reality and wallowing in self-pity. Yes, I ventured into the realm of self-pity.

God brought to mind the message from this past Sunday. My pastor and friend, Mark Savage, mentioned doing acts of service. One of the examples, he used was shoveling snow. Being in self-centered mode I thought, "I wish someone had surprised me by shoveling my drive!" God tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, "This is not about you."

















So, I shoveled my neighbors drive and sidewalk and path on the deck and put down salt. Before you shout, "Good job!" please note that I was deeply tempted to quit half way through. It was sheer willpower and the deep knowledge that it would look even worse to have just done half of it than to have done none of it that kept me at it.

And, I was determined to be obedient.

Like me, my neighbor is single. So, everything falls to her as well. My intent, besides obedience, was to pass on a bit of hope. I don't know that she was even home and I haven't seen her and there is no way she would know for sure that it was me. But I do hope that it brightened her day and made her feel cared for.

What do you pass on intentionally or unintentionally? Do you come ushering in a wave of despair that swallows others up in it's wake or do you buoy people towards heaven on the springboard of hope? Check yourself periodically. Make big and little intentional choices to pass on hope!

Side note: While I do have to do most things myself, God blessed me tonight with a couple of helpers. Kolya (13) and Austin's (11) parents were having dinner with friends, so the boys spent the evening here. While I cleaned up from dinner, they took down the Christmas tree (another task I hate). It was down in record time and everything stowed in the basement. We were then free to enjoy an evening of games and playing with the cats. After a difficult few days, they were bearers of hope and peace to me.

Hope Skates -- Hope Chronicles 3

Yesterday, I turned 39. I had a very busy birthday. My friend, Jill, took me to lunch. She knows that I am concentrating on hope, so she made me a lovely bookmark with the word hope attached to it. And it was good just to talk about it some with her. It struck me later that I said, “I’m working on it . . . .” Yes, hope is something that can be worked on. It’s making a determination to change your mindset. That takes a lot of work.

While yesterday was a very good day, today I was reminded of how far I have to go in the hope, grace, and faith departments. I knew it was snowing last night. So, when I woke up this morning, I knew I would have to shovel my way out. Before getting ready for church, I pulled on some jeans and boots and headed outside. I was dismayed by the amount of snow we had gotten. Actually, the way my drive is situated, a lot of snow blows into my drive way in huge drifts. Not only was it a lot of snow, it was heavy.

Shoveling made me think about Bill, a friend who died last spring. He spent last winter shoveling my drive for me. As a result, I turned a bit melancholy.

Then I went in to shower and change and realized that there were problems with the toilet. After 15 minutes, things got fixed, but I was even more miserable.

I arrived at church being glad that it was an “off” Sunday for me. I run power point for the service 1-2 times a month. I was looking forward to just receiving and not worrying about cues and flow and all of that. But, there was a monkey wrench in things and I ended up needing to put the slides together in under 10 minutes and run the show. I confess that my heart was not in a good place. I cried through a few of the songs, staring resolutely at the screen and hoping the sound person wouldn’t notice.

I had a choice. I think I made the wrong one today. I let the situations get the best of me. Instead of fixing my eyes on Jesus, I looked at my circumstances. I missed out on an opportunity to serve with a grateful heart. I missed out on counting my blessings when my thoughts turned melancholy with the snow.

Hope is active. It is often a choice.

The other part of my birthday I spent with some children I really enjoy. Six of them I know well: Kolya (13), Austin (11), Alex (10), Addie (7), Elena (7), and Grace (5). I do things with them on a regular basis – but usually in sets of 2! Last year, I took Kolya, Austin, and Alex ice-skating. They loved it. I’m a horrible skater, but I enjoyed how much they liked it. My friend, Allison, went along. (She is Grace and Elena’s mom.) I figured the price out and for the group discount we needed 10 and it would mean 2 more could go for $2.00 more than what we would pay for 8. So, I called up Erica (9) and James (7) to see if they wanted to come. I didn’t think they had probably ever been, so I thought it would be a treat.

It was. Everyone seemed like they had a good time. But it struck me after church today, how hope skates. I think hope skates like James and Addie. It was the first time for both of them. They were fearless. When they fell, they got right back up and shot off again. No holding onto the wall for them!

It’s not that we should never be cautious. It’s just that sometimes our caution keeps us stuck by the wall rather than whizzing around the rink. Hope takes risks because in the end it trusts that things will be okay. It says, “I may fall, but I can get back up.” It says, “I know the ONE who will always give me a hand up.”

There is a certain abandon about hope. Hope skates without the wall.