When I was a child, I was disappointed to discover that the moon was just a giant rock that didn't even have it's own light. It seemed so large in the dark sky that there had to be more to it than that. It dawned on me tonight that there really might be more to it than that. The moon reflects the sun's light. Perhaps God placed it there in it's reflective capacity to remind us that even in the dark of night the sun is still shining.
"Are you okay?"
The question was so immediate to my picking up the phone that it took me off guard. "Yeah. I just got home from work . . . ."
"I was worried . . . ."
I had talked to my friend, Jill, last night. Austin and Kolya had invited me to their band's first concert. (When Cypress Road takes off, I get to say that I knew them when . . . .) I had to work at the book store and Jill invited me to come for dinner right after and stay for their concert. But apparently all of my synapses weren't firing and both things slipped my mind.
We all have emotional traps we fall into. One of mine is that if I went MIA (missing in action) that it would take forever for people to notice. Aside from work, there is no one that I interact with on a daily basis. And then there are the weekends. If I'm not scheduled at the Barnes and Noble, then there in nowhere I have to be. While people might notice at church, it might take a few times of missing for there to be a response. There are a multitude of benign (vacation, out of town, etc) reasons for someone to miss.
I got off work at 6:00 and that would have put me at Jill's by 6:15 or so. Thanks to her call, I made it to the 7:30 premier. While I don't want to make a habit of missing things, her timely response and care touched me. I told her as I was leaving, "That blows my it-would-take-forever-for-someone-to-miss-me theory out of the water!" Perhaps it is silly, but it felt nice.
I saw Narnia Chronicles -- Prince Caspian last weekend. I highly recommend it and I don't recommend movies that often! (See yesterday's blog for clips.) I want to share some about it without giving it all away.
So, without too much detail, here are some of my thoughts. Primarily, I think it is about the heart's posture. You get to see it from several different perspectives: Peter's decision to move without Aslan, Edmond's contrast to where he was in the The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, Susan's disenchantment as she realizes that the problem with Narnia is that they ever have to leave, Caspian's humility, and Lucy's unerring belief. They are woven together almost seamlessly.
I love the way it asks the question throughout, "Do you want to believe?" It seems that most of the characters (though not all) struggle with some aspect of belief. Do they believe each other? Do they remain true to what they know about Aslan? What is the role of wanting to believe in seeing?
It my mind the story of Jesus not being able to heal in Nazareth because of their unbelief rises up.
Throughout the movie, "Where is Aslan?" is asked. The Narnians struggle at first to even accept the Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy as the kings and queens of old. As one says, "Aslan disappeared the same time you lot did." Ouch! And from a Narnian perspective it must have felt like abandonment. And even the children must try to figure out where Aslan is . . . . In his abscence and under the tyranny of the neighboring realm, even the trees have gone deep within themselves and never dance.
I know there have been times in my life when I have felt abandoned even by God. I gave up on church for a time. I have, at times, retreated deep within myself. But God is always inviting us to dance.
At one point, Lucy, the youngest faces the invading army alone. She pulls out a small knife and stares unwaveringly at the approaching army. But she is anything but alone . . . . I shall not say more lest I give it away but think Red Sea . . . .
My one disappointment was that my favorite passage from the book (Yes, I've read them all) was slightly changed.
"Lucy, he said, "we must not lie here for long. You have work in hand, and much time has been lost today."
"Yes, wasn't it a shame?" said Lucy. "I saw you all right. They wouldn't believe me. They're all so --"
From some where deep inside Aslan's body there came the faintest suggestion of a growl.
"I'm sorry," said Lucy, who understood some of his moods. "I didn't mean to start slanging the others. But it wasn't my fault anyway, was it?"
The Lion looked straight into her eyes.
"Oh, Aslan," said Lucy. "You don't mean it was? How could I -- I couldn't have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I?" Don't look at me like that . . . . oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn't have been alone, I know, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good?"
"You mean," said Lucy rather faintly, "that it would have turned out all right -- somehow? But how? Please Aslan! Am I not to know?"
"To know what would have happened child?" said Aslan. "No. Nobody is ever told that."C.S. Lewis
I got this off of YouTube from a link from Heather at http://heathermommymonk.blogspot.com I appreciate cevans4200 putting it together.
For now, I'm just posting the video. I'll add some thoughts tomorrow. Thanks, Heather, too for telling me how to do this! Bloggy friends are a wealth of info.
I probably should have taken a before and after shot but then I might have been too embarrassed to post them. I did a major cleaning/organizing overhaul on my catch all room yesterday. It was a disaster, an embarrassment. While everything isn't sorted, a large portion 2/3 or so got toted off to the basement. You can actually walk through that room! This is a major accomplishment.
My basement is unfinished. There are lots of things to prowl around down there. After Katy got closed down there a couple of times without my thinking about it, I generally keep the cats up when I head there. But, I knew it would be a longer project, so I left the door open and decided to count heads when I was through.
Katy had been down there before and tired of it quickly. Mali was enthralled. On my last trip back up I realized she was way under the stairs playing happily. I didn't think I'd manage to snag her, but when I got to the kitchen I yelled in my most authoritative voice, "Mali! COME!" To my utter astonishment, my command took precedence over what she was so happily doing. She darted up those stairs and came to a halt right in front of me!
While we have worked on "come" for awhile, it has generally been distraction free and with me in sight. Just my body posture and position probably clue her in that treats are forthcoming. This, however, was by the sheer call.
Books will tell you that cats are not generally obedient. They need convincing that they want to do what you are asking. I think humans are like that too. At two, we start with "Why?" While some of that may be about rainbows, it can also be about going to bed.
Growing up I was very obedient. We did not question because we knew the consequences. Perhaps it wasn't about obedience as much as it was about fear. Even today, I am very law abiding and rule following. However, this belies a questioning heart. Whenever there is room (and sometimes when there is not), I've taken my freedom as an adult into an incessant questioning. I need to be convinced on many things.
But there are times when obedience is necessary without knowing the why of it. I think of a child careening through the yard after a ball that has rolled into the street, heedless of the oncoming car. When mom yells, "Suzie, STOP!!!" we hope in that instance Suzy will immediately heed the call.
That call is one of protection. It is also one of relationship. That child knows the mother's voice like the sheep know the shepherd's voice.
So, Mali's immediate obedience over something she was delighting in has caused me to pause. Do I respond so immediately to God's call? Understanding is a good thing, but sometimes it must be enough to know the ONE who calls and respond with immediate obedience.
It seems that there is hope in that because it reflects the depth of the relationship. Perhaps it is like the "folly" of asking God to teach patience, but I think I will ask anyway. I think it might be worth the risk.
God, teach me to have an obedient heart -- when there is time for questions but even more so when an instant response is necessary. Show me what it looks like to have that kind of relationship with you. Teach me to know that the only thing I must understand is your love and call on my life and that those are more than enough to answer any why.
It's one of those sayings, several lines actually, that you find being emailed hither and yon and wondering where they came from. Some say it is from an Irish Proverb and others from a song by Paradise Awaits. Sing like no one's listening. Dance like no one is watching. So, I do not have the definitive on where the words came from, but I love the sentiment and lesson behind them.
Yet, I find them difficult sentiments to live by. I am by nature extremely self-conscious. I always wonder -- no worry -- what everyone is thinking.
I was always part of a pair growing up and the part of the pair that came up lacking. My twin was better at piano than I was. We both took violin. She was always a chair or so ahead of me. When we did the plays in junior high, she got the bigger parts. Our sophomore year we both ended up in the school choir. Music was required that year. Somehow, we ended up seated several seats apart. Though no one had ever encouraged me in singing, no one had ever said I was awful either. As that year wrapped up, I started to dream of trying out for the special junior-senior group. I forget the name but they sang and danced. Maybe my interest was spurred on by the fact that my sister had no interest at all in trying out.
I went to the preps and I actually managed the try outs. Janel was a junior but sat next to me in the main choir. She was in both choirs and heard me audition. As I was walking out, she said to me, "Why don't you ever sing that loud in choir?" Somehow, I had managed some volume during the audition.
I didn't make it. As I probably too often do, I assumed that meant my singing was awful. For the most part, I have probably continued on as I did during choir -- kept my singing under the radar so to speak.
Mercy Me has an older song out called If I Could Only Imagine. Like that saying, it captures part of me because it asks the question if he were face to face with Jesus, "Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still?" Again, I cannot imagine being so in awe that I would let others see my awkward steps.
But then that is the point isn't it? What would it be like to be so moved by God's glory that we would worship uninhibited, that the awareness of everyone around us might fall away?
Today during church we sang All in All. It is an older song that I know from my InterVarsity days. When we sang in InterVarsity, we broke into men and women or split the room in half. After singing in it through altogether, one group would take part and the other the second part and sing it simultaneously. I loved the way the verses mixed.
But today we were just singing it together as one. After the first time through, I couldn't resist adding the opposite part. So, as everyone else sang the verse, I continued on with "Jesus, lamb of God, holy is your name...."
To my surprise I sang it loud enough that I could hear myself. I was one voice and I don't know that anyone else heard. Maybe they did. I was singing more loudly than usual. But for once, I didn't worry what others thought or if I was in tune. I simply lifted that up to Jesus.
Perhaps one day I'll dance as well . . . .
"I want . . . !" Go through any retail store and you will hear this cry from a toddler and subtler versions from older children and teens. If we are honest, we recognize the same cry in our heart. It can be about things. I want what so and so has -- house, husband, kids, car . . . . Maybe it is that I want to look like _________ (fill in the most beautiful person you know). Maybe it is the intangible things like respect and honor or position.
When we get down to it and are truly honest with ourselves, there thousands of "I want . . ." statements fueling our hearts and minds. Sometimes, those "I want" statements turn into "I deserve" statements. We are mortally offended that God or someone else hasn't provided what is so deserved.
I couldn't quite figure it out. But a couple I know at church has an unusual arrangement. They are very happily married but she kept her own name when they married. No, it's not even hyphenated. When both of their children were born, they took her name. Other things in their home are off from what one would typically anticipate. He does most of the cooking and grocery shopping. After knowing them for a few months I was really curious. I started asking questions.
The last is the easiest to explain. He enjoys cooking. His schedule also allows him to get home before she does.
Why didn't she take his last name? She is Latina. If she had taken his last name, her name would not have reflected that piece of her identity at all.
But what about the kids? My friend told me that it was his idea that the kids take her name. Most fathers would want their kids to have their last name. It's not that he didn't want that. However, he looked at the greater scheme. If the kids took his last name, they might be removed from a big piece of their cultural heritage on their mother's side. He opted out of any desire to have the kids have his name so that their last name could reflect their mother's Latina heritage. Given that both children are very blond, light eyed, and fair skinned, without knowing their name and their fluency in Spanish, one would never guess their heritage.
This couple amazes me.
As I've thought about it, I've been reminded of Jesus. In Isaiah 53:2-4 says:
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
