When Life Doesn't Measure Up -- Hope Chronicles 73

"When our prayers seem to go unheeded, we can learn to live in unexpectant apathy. We go through the motions, but we're not convinced that God will bless us. Bottom line, ugly truth: We don't really trust God"

Carolyn McCulley

Have you ever felt like the above quote? Life isn't what you anticipated when you were a child. You're not an Olympic gymnast and couldn't do a cart wheel to save your life. No Nobel Prize is coming your way. Your job looks nothing like you expected. And then there are your adult expectations. It's impossible to make ends meet. Your friends are busy and you've lost touch. Your spouse is driving you crazy or maybe it is the lack of one that is doing you in. We've prayed but things we desperately desire are out of reach.

I think this is how Sarah in the Old Testament felt. In Genesis 11 we are introduced to Abram and Sarai (later Abraham and Sarah). Immediately on the heels of finding out that Sarai is Abram's wife, we are told that she is barren. Combine this with the fact that she lived in a time and culture that defined a woman's worth by the number of sons she bore her husband. I'd wager she felt pretty insecure. Often it is our insecurities that drive our most desperate actions.

God called Abram out of his homeland and into the land of Canaan when he was 75. Over the years God did amazing things in Abram's life. In Genesis 15, we find God initiating a covenant with Abram. When Abrams tells God his servant will inherit since he doesn't have children, God promises him otherwise in Genesis 15:4-6.

"This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir." He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars -- if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

Abram believed the Lord and he credited it to him as righteousness. (NIV)

It's an amazing promise. I can imagine Abram rushing off to tell Sarai and Sarai wondering if Abram had been dipping into the good wine.

Years later there is still no baby. With arms so empty it hurt, Sarai decided she would do God a favor and help him out. She had Abram sleep with her maidservant, Hagar. Just like anytime we try to "help God out" for our own benefit, Sarai's plan made a mess. As soon as Hagar became pregnant, Sarai began to despise Hagar. Hagar went on to bear Ishmael and in turn his sons became the forebears of Islam. Thousands of years later there remains a deep animosity between Hagar and Sara's offspring.

God is not one to go back on His promises. 2 Timothy 2:13 says the following:

If we are faithless he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

God promised once. Once should have been enough but sometimes God reiterates his promise. Abraham has a visit from a trio of strangers. Through them God tells Abraham that they will return the next year and that by then Sarah will have a son.

Up to this point, scripture is silent on if Sarah ever believed the promise of a son. As she eaves drops on the conversation at the flap of the tent, she is incredulous. Sarah dares to laugh at God. Amazingly, God is not deterred by the unbelief displayed in that laughter. Within a year, Sarah has given girth to Isaac.

In what areas are you living in unexpectant apathy? Where are you laughing at God? Perhaps today is a good day to talk to God about that area.

More to come on "When Life Doesn't Measure Up."

A Child's Faith, A Mother's Heart, and Daring to Hope -- Hope Chronicles 23

Several years ago Julie was driving back to visit her family with her children. The oldest was in the third grade. She pulled out a yellow legal pad and announced that they were going to make a list. This got Julie's attention. After all, it was spring and Christmas was many months away. Julie inquired as to what the list was for. Her daughter announced that it was a list of things they wanted in a husband for their mom. (Sorry, Oprah, this little one was way ahead of you on love lists!)

Her younger daughter started off with things like money and a nice car. With all the wisdom of a third grader, her older daughter said, "No, he first has to be a Christian." And then, after getting the younger girl more focused, they moved on from there.

Recently, Julie's girls (now both teenagers and the older one a year away from college) were cleaning out their memory boxes. Her oldest found the list that Julie had stowed there. "Mom," she said, "he has all these things." You see, Julie remarried a few years ago after dating her husband for five years! He was patient enough to wait around for her to be ready.

I got teary as Julie related the story. She rushed to say, "I didn't tell you that to make you cry!" I know she didn't but I didn't know if I dared to hope. Sometimes it feels easier not to hope than to have a hope and not see it fulfilled.

What are the things you hope for but can't see yet?

This week a friend looped me in on some communication she was having with another single woman. This is a portion of the email she sent:

"I want to encourage you that you can still be a mother in a non-traditional way. My friend, Amy, is 39 years old and never married. She, too, sometimes gets down about her desire to marry and have children. But I want you to know that she has so connected in my kids lives that she often mothers them. She takes them for fun outings. She watches them so my husband and I can have time. She has had some deep conversations with them when they've asked deep questions."

I was touched by my friend's words. "She has so connected in my kids lives that she often mothers them." In my separate conversation with Julie, I asked, "So why did God give me a mother's heart and empty arms?" Julie suggested that maybe it is just a "not yet" and that I needed to keep myself open. To think that it is a lost cause closes off my heart to possibilities. She wanted me to make a list.

I know some of you reading are not single. But I hope you can still relate. What is it that you so hope for that it scares you because what would happen if that dream didn't come true?

It is hard to hope and not see how that hope might be fulfilled. Sometimes people try to make you feel better and say, "God has a better plan for you." They mean well, but sometimes it can make it feel harder. I do know that God doesn't take that longing, that hope (whatever it is in your life) lightly. Scripture recognizes the weight of it. In Proverbs 13:12 (NIV) it says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

It's okay to have that longing -- whatever it might be for you. It's okay to sometimes feel down about it. But be careful. Don't make it into an idol. (An idol is anything that takes center stage instead of God.)

So, some of that is okay. BUT, God also calls us to turn our eyes to Him. I'll only quote part of Psalm 42 here (8-11), but I encourage you to look at the whole thing:

By day the LORD directs his love,

at night his song is with me—

a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,

"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning,

oppressed by the enemy?"

My bones suffer mortal agony

as my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

Even when my dreams feel far away, I am called to put my hope in God -- to praise my God and Rock. So, I thought about all the kids I've "mothered" over the years: Elizabeth, Hannah, Jonathan, David, Billy, Theresa, . . . and I could come up with quite a list if I really looked back and took stock. In that perspective, my arms have been anything but empty!

Julie also reminded me of Sarah in the Bible who went to great lengths to have a child and really made things worse than if she had just waited on God. I'm like her in wanting to just make whatever happen. And Julie said, "Don't be like Sarah. Don't laugh at God." (Genesis 18:12-16).

So, I'm daring to hope. And though it feels risky, I started that list. Meanwhile, I will not waste the mother instincts God has given me.

What will you dare to hope for? What will you do while you are waiting and trusting and praising God for whatever may come?