Not Always Personal

Sometimes (okay, lots of times) I struggle with taking things personally. I don't mean to. Part of it is that I assume motive when there isn't one. For example, there is work. At one of my jobs, my favorite thing is to interact with customers. Lately, I've been delegated to scanning and ordering shelves. I don't mind it some, but I've noticed that I've begun to take it personally. I assume that they don't want me working with customers.

Reality check, if I was that bad with customers, I wouldn't still be working there.

Still, I was disappointed Friday night to see that I was down for the same thing I had done the last several times I worked. I think it read on my face. My manager and I ended up talking a bit. She said, "Do you know how important that is? Because you do that, everyone can find what they need. It is so important." I admitted that customer service felt worlds more important.

Yesterday, I had a chance to talk to her again. I wanted to make sure she knew I didn't mind it, but I just wanted some opportunity to work with customers. She seemed to understand that and said that she would see what they could do. But she also wanted me to know that it was really good business to have me doing the shelves -- not because I couldn't work with customers -- but because I am both highly accurate and very fast at it. I guess I get more done than most at it.

But the point is, that I took it personally. There was nothing personal about it. She actually saw it more as a compliment.

Do you ever take something personally that really isn't?

A Thought for the Day

It is never as important to God where you are on the journey, as it is that you are indeed on the journey. Where you are going is what matters to God, not where you happen to be at the moment. You may start with God no matter what mess your life may be at the present time.

Ben Patterson

Waiting

A Heart for Nineveh and Maybe Your People Too

God,

Give me a heart for Nineveh. But even more than that, give me a heart for your people too. I know you want to do this, I just wish it didn't involve riding in the belly of a great fish. Light please.

From the belly,

Amy

I feel like I'm in the belly of the fish right now. I don't much like it. It seems like everything is pointing to areas I need to work on. Like Jonah, sometimes I need it hit over my head before I listen and do what I'm told. I'm stubborn that way, even with God.

Yesterday, my pastor, Mark, spoke on Living Like Christ in a Non-Christ World. This week specifcially focused on loving others. While Mark used the story of the "Good Samaritan" (I was listening), I found the story of Jonah wiggling in the back of my mind.

I want to be like the Good Samaritan. But I'm probably more like the two who passed the wounded man by. Even worse, I may be like Jonah and have God tell me exactly what to do but still hesitate or run the other way.

Here's the deal with Jonah. God told him to go to Nineveh and preach. But the people in Nineveh had a habit of conquering Israel. Jonah wasn't afraid of the Ninevites. But He was afraid of what God would do. You see, in his mind, they weren't worthy of being saved. Saving them was exactly what God had in mind. He didn't want God to save them, so he hopped the first boat out of there.

God caused a storm and then the sailors threw in overboard. Jonah knew the storm was about his disobedience. He spent 3 days in the belly of a great fish and God had the fish spit him on dry land. Reluctantly, he did as God told him. And God moved in the hearts of men, women, and children in Nineveh and many came to know him.

But Jonah couldn't rejoice over this. In Jonah 4: 13 it is written,

But Jonah was greatly displeased and became angry. He prayed to the Lord, "O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to tarshish. I knew that you are gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, O Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live."

But the Lord replied, "Have you any right to be angry?"

He went into the desert and God caused a vine to grow up to give him shade. The next day a worm ate the vine and the sun and the wind were scorching. And again Jonah said it would be better to die than live. God replies:

"You have been concerend about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. but Nineveh has more than a hundred twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Shoul I not be concerned about that great city?"

Scripture does not record a reply. Perhaps the question is enough. Jonah, you've got your priorities all wrong.

Where do I come into it. Sometimes it is hard for me to see outside of my life. Does that make sense? I wonder first how things will impact me and worry later about people outside of my influence. But I also said I need a heart for God's people. In someways, it is easier to care for those who are remote, like my Compassion children. I love them, but I don't know them and their families. Perhaps, I that makes it easier for me to give grace and compassion.Some part of me has decided that those children are worth it.

But then there are the people I know -- some in church and some out. My mind says I need to be concerned for this or that, but sometimes my heart has a hard time catching up. A woman I know likes to read. She reads everyday at lunch. I love to read. I read all the time too. This woman drives me crazy. She hasn't done anything, but we grate against each other. I have to consciously decide to engage. She came to mind during the service yesterday. Yesterday afternoon, I sorted through books. God prompted me to bag them up to give to her. It's a small thing, but part of me wanted to argue. I could just give them to the library for their used book sale. It would still be helping. But I couldn't let go of something she had said last week about scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of books. So I sorted 3 bags of books I thought would be of interest to her. Perhaps as a way of saying, "I take care of all things," I had enough for 3 more bags of books for the library sale.

3 bags of books. A small thing, but a choice to engage instead of turn away.

God, give me a heart for all your people, give me your eyes, and stop my pride when I want to pick and choose to whom I will be kind.

Fair Isn't Always Equal

Fair. Put one piece of cake on the table in between 2 kids and you'll get an immediate lesson in fair. (For those of you with kids, I've heard the way of making sure things are fair in this situation is to let one child cut the piece of cake and the other get first dibs on which half they want!) Kids are keenly aware of fair. But then, most adults I know are pretty aware too!

I came across this book last night. It had the title that went something like "Fair Isn't Always Equal." Maybe it stood out to me because "fair" was on my mind. Like most people, I like things to be fair. If they aren't fair, I prefer to be in the one up position. Honestly, (like most people, I think) I probably don't even think about fair unless I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

When I was on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, our Regional staff meetings one year were on Racial Reconciliation. They had a variety of activities they put us through and then debriefed. One was a race with candy as the reward. We started out in one line. Then the facilitator said something like, "If you were raised in a two parent home, take one step forward. If you had a library card growing up, take a step forward. If you had a computer at all in your home, take a step forward." After several of those, we also heard, "If you spent time in a foster home, take a step back. If you have ever been refused service somewhere, take a step back." You get the picture.

While we all believed in equality, the game showed us an enormous amount of situations where things weren't fair. In the end, a couple staff were way out ahead and none of the rest of us had a chance. One staff member was actually behind the line where we had all begun. Most had the sensitivity to be embarrassed at being so far ahead. It was humbling.

I don't know anything about that book, so I cannot recommend it. But I do think it is true. Fair isn't always equal.

As I've thought about it, I've also come to realize that God is more concerned about my character than about fair. I don't know where that thought came from. Maybe God whispered it in my ear or tugged it out of some recess of my mind from long ago. Where ever it came from, I think it is an amazing thought and it sets my priorities on end. I am so much more likely to think about fair before my character.

How do I know God is more concerned about character than fair? Look at the cross. The cross is stands in stark contrast to fair. There was nothing fair about Jesus death on the cross. If Jesus was concerned about fair, I would have been nailed to the cross for my sins instead of Jesus.

There is no mercy in fair. There is no grace in fair. Rather fair is about what is deserved or earned. Mercy is about not getting what we deserve. Grace is mercy's kindred spirit but takes it one step further and offers what we do not deserve and can never earn.

Fair is rigid. Mercy and grace are fluid and in God's love, they wrap themselves around His children.

Fair has it's merits. Merit is it's cornerstone. But stone is cold. I'll choose mercy and grace.

The challenge now learning let go of fair in relation to those around me and offer mercy and grace instead.

While I'm praying that, it's scary. Choosing those things are hard. God used that book title to remind me. Even last night, I found the words, "That's not fair" coming quickly to mind. Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace. Pray that I remember those words before fair even creeps in.

Thank God that He cares more about my character, about me, than He does about honoring my sense of fair.

Even in the Dark

At some point in my elementary school days, my parents carpeted the basement and it became a depository of toys. Like most kids, the toys were fun, but some of the best times to be had just required an imagination. There were a couple window wells, but really, the basement was fairly dark. We discovered that playing Hide-N-Seek in the dark was better than regular Hide-N-Seek. If the cousins were visiting, this was a great pass time.


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Perspective

I was just paying bills and lamenting on how little stretch there is in things. But then I went out and put the bills in the mail. (I still do that sometimes!) I found a letter from my Compassion International child in Rwanda. Kayirnagwa is 11. She wrote to me about how she wants to learn to write me with her own hand. And then she went on to say that she now has to stay home because she is the eldest. She cooks most meals and takes care of her younger siblings. You see, many months ago, her mother injured her back.

How is that for perspective on bills and such? I have been so blessed. I had chores but nothing to the point of my family's welfare depending on me. I have bills, but while I "want," my wants are very different from things I need every day. It's humbling.

I just wrote her a letter on line. I hope it flies uncommonly fast to her so that she knows how proud I am of her as she helps her family.

Please join me in praying for Kayirangwa and her family. Pray that her mother would be well and that Kayirnagwa can go back to being a child a bit longer and learning to write and read and do math and all those other things. She's too young to have so much responsibility. But then, perhaps that is my western mindset speaking. Still, I do pray for her to get to be a child a little bit longer.

Happy Birthday!

Today, one of my Compassion girls turns 9! Her name is Ambar and she lives in Ecuador. I've sponsored her almost a year and it has been fun to get to know her.

I think God must have known my heart would wish to make her birthday very special. Through the Compassion blog, I connected with a woman named Sara who was going to be traveling to Ecuador. I was able to send several small gifts (all inside a 1lb plastic bag). I got an email last night from Sara saying that she had dropped the package at one of the Compassion offices in Ecuador yesterday.

I was thrilled. While it may be much too hope that Ambar got it today (it would have to be passed on to her center), I love the idea of things getting to her so close to her birthday. I sent her a pretty, pink frilly top. I'm hoping it fits or is a bit big so she can grow into it. I sent lots of pretty hair things, a small purple photo album, stickers, and a small travel size Etch-a-Sketch! I wish I could have sent more, but it feels great to be able to send those items.

Life in Illinois is challenging right now for a lot of people. The economy stinks and the state is without a budget. Many social service agencies are discontinuing services. A major insurance provider is uping coverage cost. All of that is bad and hard and I do not discount any of that -- particularly the social service piece. However, when I think about how little my girls subsist on, I am more aware of the bounty we have.

I hope my few small gifts brighten your day, Ambar. May they be a tangible reminder that you are loved and cared for by me and even more loved and cared from by God.