Batter Up! -- Hope Chronicles 83

Have you ever noticed a phrase that you've heard all your life but never known the origins? One such phrase for me is in the form of a question, "Who's gonna bat for me?" My take on it is that someone cannot bat for some reason so a fellow teammate bats in his place. (This may or may not be accurate.)

Recently, I was surprised by some confrontation on a issue in my life. The issue is confrontation and how I respond. I'll admit that I do get stubborn but it was hard to hear that I get mean with my words. I've been challenged to look at this area and make amends.

I've wanted to respond with a "Yes, but. . . ." In other words, "I'll own my stuff when they own their stuff." Which a friend pointed out is the problem. She thinks I need to just own my stuff and not worry about their stuff. My rallying point is, "But that isn't fair. There's a double standard here . . . ."

As I've thought and prayed about it, I've realized that my attitude is really born out of fear. The relentless question in my mind has been, "But who will bat for me?" When I was a child, my dad was fairly abusive. My mom knew about what was going on but didn't step into protect me. I learned this lesson: if I don't protect myself then no one will. And I think it is the mode I operate out of today. When someone confronts me the barriers go up and I peek through the slot in the heavily reinforced door.

Admitting my part without a respective commitment from them, seems like making myself vulnerable and defenseless.

This summer I read Gary Haugen's book Just Courage. It's a wonderful little book but really challenging. The final challenge is "Do you want to be safe or brave?" Haugen writes

". . . . I'd like to be brave, but I'd also like to be safe. My heavenly Father, however, loves me deeply enough to tell me the truth. He says I can't be both brave and safe. He wants me to be clear that I have to decide -- and he wants me to choose to be brave, which means choosing not to be safe."

The challenge is that God wants us to be brave knowing that our real safety (maybe not in the concrete ways we want) resides in Jesus and what He did for us on the cross.

So, please pray with me as I begin to look at my relentless concern about who is batting for me? Jesus was and is batting for me. There is hope in that.

But I need the courage, the bravery, of letting my defenses down. At the heart of the issue is trusting that God has my best in mind and is batting for me. I'm not sure how to do that, so your prayers would be appreciated.

What Does My Life Reflect?

A few weeks ago I wrote an email to International Justice Mission -- IJM. The point was to let the founder & CEO know that many years ago I had read his book The Good News About Injustice and that it had stayed with me in a huge way. It was born out of Gary Haugen's time as the director of the United Nations genocide investigation in Rwanda in 1994. (Click here for info about the struggle in Rwanda.) It stuck with me. As a result, when I started sponsoring one of two Compassion International children, I asked that one be from Rwanda.

I heard back from a couple staff at IJM. They thanked me for the email and told me that Gary had another book out in July that I might be interested in. It is called Just Courage. I ordered and picked it up the other night.

It is an unassuming little book. But when I started it last night, I realized that it will likely be all meat. And the meat begins the first page. He writes about reading John Stuart Mill's essay on "On Liberty" as a freshman in college. Here is a bit of what he said:

Writing in 1859, Mill was trying to explain the process by which words lose their meaning, and he casually offered that the best example of this phenomenon was Christians. Christians, he observed, seem to have the amazing ability to say the most wonderful things without actually believing them.

What became more disturbing was his list of things that Christians, like me, actually say -- like, blessed are the poor and humble; it's better to give than receive; judge not, lest you be judged; love your neighbor as yourself, etc. -- and examining one by one, how differently I would live my life if I actually believed such things. As Mill concluded, "The sayings of Christ co-exist passively in their minds, producing hardly any effect beyond what is caused by mere listening to words so amiable and bland."

And that is the jumping off point of the book. Do we live a life that reflects that we believe what Jesus said to be true? If we say that we believe, do our lives reflect it? The challenge is that we often stop short in truly following. We go as far as we feel safe or in control or to where the risks seem manageable.

God calls us to go farther -- to live a life totally dependent on Him. Yes, we are to go to our limits but then we give up and let God take us the rest of the way.

Does my life reflect that I truly believe and will act on what Jesus has called me to. Honestly, there are a couple of times that I can think of that might have that sense of utter dependence on God. But was it? I think of volunteering a number of years ago as a CASA or Court Appointed Special Advocate. I was trained to advocate for a child (or in my case, children) in the child welfare system. It was totally volunteer. We got exactly 40 hours of training on the system, the court process, child development, etc. Then we met with the child, the foster parents, the biological parents, the case worker, the therapist, etc. And we wrote court reports and testified in court.

Yes, this was a good thing to have done. But then I think about what Gary is saying. I look back and think of volunteering 40 hours a month of stress and strain over three years. But, I don't know that at any point it took me to that point beyond myself in total reliance on God. Yes, it was a good thing and reflected God's care for the helpless, but was their more to give? I was a natural observer. At that time I had studied Interpersonal Communication in undergrad. I communicated, perhaps at my best, in written form. But I had also trained with InterVarsity to do dialog teaching -- to think on my feet in the midst of a presentation. So, I kept my head when asked questions by both sides in the courtroom. When did I move beyond my own abilities? Did I?

But Gary is careful to make us realize that it is not just about the big things (or what the world tells us are big things) we attempt for God. It can be in other choices -- caring for aging parents, making ethical choices in a work place, giving when it doesn't feel like we can.

I think of people I've met here in blogland that I think are relying on God in those big ways. There's Lelia raising her granddaughter and trying to plumb the depths of a rebellious teen's heart. There's Nicki facing a young daughter's surgery. There's Renee planning and working toward the adoption of children from Ethiopia. There's Michelle facing the loss of a job. There's Beth who recently went on her first missions trip.

So, the question I am pondering and invite you to ponder is, "What does my life reflect? Does it reflect a sold out belief in my savior or that I find the words on the page of my Bible to be pleasing but not worth losing sleep over?" I hope that my life reflects a sold out belief in Jesus. But sometimes I suspect I live comfortably within my abilities rather than utter dependence. So, with some hesitation because it is likely one of those prayers that will cause an up turn in my life like praying for God to teach patience, I think I will cautiously pray that God show me what it means to live out a sold out belief in Jesus.

A Child in Rwanda -- Compassion International

Heads up. This is not my typical post. It tells about my other Compassion child in Rwanda, but also deals a bit with the Rwandan Genocide in 1994. I hope you'll still read, but it is just very different from my other posts.

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As I write, the things I sent for Delia and her family are in Ecuador. My friend left yesterday on her trip. I'm praying that everything went well.


But I wanted to introduce you to the other little girl I sponsor. I recently received an updated photo. I think she looks taller in this picture than the last.





Kayirangwa is 9 and she lives in Rwanda. Rwanda is a small country in Africa. How, you might ask, did I get from sponsoring a child in Ecuador to sponsoring one in Rwanda?

Several years ago, I read a book called The Good News About Injustice: A Witness of Courage in a Hurting World by Gary A. Haugen. Gary is the president of International Justice Mission. It is an organization that works with victims of slavery, exploitation, and violent oppression. No, this is not light reading. But it is important reading!

I think I was gripped with the opening paragraph. He talks about making his typical commute one morning in 1994 and having the thought of saying to his fellow travelers, "Excuse me, friends, but did you know that less than forty-eight hours ago I was standing in the middle of several thousand corpses in a muddy mass grave in a tiny African country called Rwanda?"

What? 1994? I remember thinking that those things just didn't happen any more. I had consigned them to the Holocaust and World War II.

But they do happen, like most things of that nature, for little or no reason (or rather exaggerated reason). The Rwandan genocide was between the Tutsi and Hutu people of Rwanda. The Hutu militia and every day civilians killed their neighbors -- anyone of Tutsi descent or anyone perceived as sympathetic to the Tutsi. Most estimates of the death toll are 800,000 to the 1,000,000 mark. Supposedly, it was fueled by the belief that the Tutsi and Hutu are very different and with one being superior. Sigh. In reality, there is very little genetic difference. All of that death took place in 100 days.

Perhaps one of the saddest aspects is that the world looked on and did very little to stop the escalating violence. President Clinton apologized during his term. But it makes me wonder if it wasn't a bit like World War II. There were rumors of concentration camps but we didn't step in until attacked.

I was surprised by the book and my own ignorance of the situation. I do well to keep up on local news. Global news is hard to grasp. Still, I think I should do better.

Delia caught my heart because of language (I cannot speak it but I took Spanish in high school and college) and the relative closeness of Ecuador. Kayirnagwa caught my heart because of reading that book and that sadness that anything like that could happen so recently. It was only 14 years ago. At 9 she wouldn't have been born yet, but I am sure her parents were. What an awful thing to have lived through. What a difficult thing to heal from -- whatever side you were on.

I came across a 2007 newsletter from Compassion about Rwanda. It shares the story of Emmanuel. His mother had survived the devastation but had hardened her heart. How could God care if all of those things had happened? But Emmanuel was enrolled in Compassion and became a Christian. Each morning he knelt to pray. Still, his mother wasn't interested.

In 2006 there was a drought. His mother wanted to flee the country in search of relief. Emmanuel told her not to, that his Compassion center was providing rations to families affected by the famine. At first she didn't believe him, but he convinced her to go and see. The workers loaded her with rice and water. As a result of Emmanuel's witness and Compassion's practical intervention, his mother became a Christian.

That is how I got from the United States and Ecuador to Rwanda. I know that Kayirangwa likes to jump rope and play games and that she has chores. I do not know how she or her family might have been impacted by what happened. But still, I hope, that in some small way my giving to her gives her hope and healing for her family and the tiniest bit of healing for her country. I am thankful that I know a God who can multiply what I give and what Emmanuel's sponsor gave a million times over.

Now, if any of you know of anyone going to Rwanda, I'd love to be able to send Kayirangwa something like I did for Delia!