Batter Up! -- Hope Chronicles 83

Have you ever noticed a phrase that you've heard all your life but never known the origins? One such phrase for me is in the form of a question, "Who's gonna bat for me?" My take on it is that someone cannot bat for some reason so a fellow teammate bats in his place. (This may or may not be accurate.)

Recently, I was surprised by some confrontation on a issue in my life. The issue is confrontation and how I respond. I'll admit that I do get stubborn but it was hard to hear that I get mean with my words. I've been challenged to look at this area and make amends.

I've wanted to respond with a "Yes, but. . . ." In other words, "I'll own my stuff when they own their stuff." Which a friend pointed out is the problem. She thinks I need to just own my stuff and not worry about their stuff. My rallying point is, "But that isn't fair. There's a double standard here . . . ."

As I've thought and prayed about it, I've realized that my attitude is really born out of fear. The relentless question in my mind has been, "But who will bat for me?" When I was a child, my dad was fairly abusive. My mom knew about what was going on but didn't step into protect me. I learned this lesson: if I don't protect myself then no one will. And I think it is the mode I operate out of today. When someone confronts me the barriers go up and I peek through the slot in the heavily reinforced door.

Admitting my part without a respective commitment from them, seems like making myself vulnerable and defenseless.

This summer I read Gary Haugen's book Just Courage. It's a wonderful little book but really challenging. The final challenge is "Do you want to be safe or brave?" Haugen writes

". . . . I'd like to be brave, but I'd also like to be safe. My heavenly Father, however, loves me deeply enough to tell me the truth. He says I can't be both brave and safe. He wants me to be clear that I have to decide -- and he wants me to choose to be brave, which means choosing not to be safe."

The challenge is that God wants us to be brave knowing that our real safety (maybe not in the concrete ways we want) resides in Jesus and what He did for us on the cross.

So, please pray with me as I begin to look at my relentless concern about who is batting for me? Jesus was and is batting for me. There is hope in that.

But I need the courage, the bravery, of letting my defenses down. At the heart of the issue is trusting that God has my best in mind and is batting for me. I'm not sure how to do that, so your prayers would be appreciated.

Finding My Way

Henry Ward Beecher said, "The strength and happiness of a man consists in finding the way in which God is going and going that way too." Oh, such wise counsel. Who could not be strong and happy following in the footsteps of Jesus.

Yet, I struggle to know which way God is taking me. I think I know and then things keep falling through on me a bit. Right now it is something at church that I was looking forward to doing and now won't be able to do.

I find my heart tugged more and more about the impoverished, but I'm not sure what I am suppose to do. I do think God may be directing those thoughts.

I recently read Gary Haugen's book Just Courage. In the last chapter he says that God asks us if we want to be safe or brave? We cannot have both, though there is a sense of safety in following God. God, I want to be brave, but I don't know how. Will you show me?

Tug of War

The last time I was involved in a tug of war was when I was a college student at camp. We did it in the sand by the bay. Everyone kept yelling, "Dig in! Dig in!" While this was probably good advice, it wasn't all that helpful in sand unless you had a pretty good size trench. The whole time we were stepping on each other and falling down. I have no clue which team won but I do know I didn't enjoy it at all. Later when I went to camp as a staff, I opted out of that event!

Today I talked to Julie about a conflict I'm in with someone. She made the observation that we appear to be in a bit of a tug of war. She had some great advice. She said, "If you want to end a tug of war, you can lay down your rope and walk toward the other person." I struggled with that a bit after she said it. My emotional gut level reaction said that I should "dig in." When I dig in, I don't usually just do it with my feet. My trench has to be at least waist deep!

Julie is one of those people who can say things softly but still get the point across. Much of the time, I spoke about not feeling "safe." SAFETY is HUGE for me. I think there is some element of that involved. But Julie just said, "I cannot tell if you aren't feeling safe or if you have dug your heels in."

Honestly, I think it was some of both. I'm still not feeling totally safe regarding the situation. But, tonight I sent an email in an attempt to "lay down my rope and walk toward the other person." We'll see what happens.

Even though it doesn't feel totally safe, some of the angst about the situation dissipated in sending that email. Perhaps, it is simply because I am choosing not to tug back. Depending on the response I get, I may have to keep choosing to let that rope lie there rather than pick it up. Even if the other person tugs it a few more times, there shouldn't be much harm (as long as I don't grab it back) because tug of war by yourself is completely useless and I can't imagine anyone keeping at it when no one is pulling back.

So, I've laid down the rope and now I have to wait and see about a meeting in a few days. Please pray for me to let that rope stay right there on the ground and be able to trust God for the sense of safety I need.

Are you in a tug of war? What do you think would happen if you stopped tugging?