Friday, August 15, 2008

I've Got Issues -- Hope Chronicles 62

I was told today that I have issues. Me? Issues? Never.

One of my jobs is working for the county doing data entry. I've been plagued by computer problems since starting. Seriously. Various things have been tried. Molly and I recently switched desks. This was completely unrelated to the computer issues.

I've been at my new desk for a couple of weeks. Guess what? The problems have followed me to my new desk and the new computer. Molly, sitting in my old spot, has none of the issues that I have. Actually, no one in the office has the same issues I do.

As the issues have mounted, I've been in fairly regular contact with the local IT department and the company that makes the software we are specifically using. So, today one of the IT guys told me, "I've got a special folder on my computer labeled Amy's Issues."

In an attempt to fix them, they wiped me out of the software today and re-initiated my log in and password and identity. From lunch until about fifteen minutes before I went home, things went fine. Then a coworker asked me to do a simple task for her that resulted in error messages all over the place. I sent IT a few more screen shots!

So, I've got issues folks!

All kidding aside, I do have issues. We all do. They range from trust to anger to compulsions to issues with opposite gender to things from our families that have us in therapy for years. Some things are little and some things are big. But we all have them.

How do you know if you have issues and what they are? Most people aren't likely to point them out to us. Reflect over your life. Is there a recurring theme or pattern that follows you to different situations or relationships like my crazy computer problems? That, my friend, is an issue.

For me a couple issues are trust and insecurity. Even if I have a good history with someone and know that they only have my best interests at heart, I still struggle with trust. My insecurity pops up with "What are they thinking or saying about me?" I have to choose to trust what I know about each person and not be ruled by fear.

All analogies break down at some point. While the wiping out of my identity on that software didn't work, I do know that God is all about giving me a new identity. It's an identity as His dearly loved child. Ezekiel 36:26-28 (NIV) puts it this way:

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.

God is giving me a new heart. Do I still struggle to trust? Am I still insecure? Yes, but I am so different from who I once was. I cannot imagine who God is making me to be.



Lisa said...

As always, I am drawn to your honesty in this post. I love your openness to say..."I have issues!" Friend, we all do. There is freedom and obedience in putting off our perfectionism long enough to admit that. It's when God can work through us the most.

I love the "work in progress" I see in you, issues and all! :)

Lisa :)

Joyful said...

Amy, I love this post. It made me think of my "High Maintenance" post. I have "issues", but like you I'm depending on God. He who began a good work WILL complete it.

Hope you're having a computer issue free day,