No Fishing

It's Tuesday, so that means that it is Behind Those Eyes by Lisa Whittle day at Lelia's. Today's chapter was number 9, "We Are Completely Flawed Yet Forgiven Completely."

As someone who is very aware of their shortcomings, I get the completely flawed part. Oh, I put on a good face at times (though sometimes things leak out), but if you lived inside my head I would be deeply ashamed. For in my brain are all the insensitive, jealous, spiteful, mean things. (Now, remember I confessed that sometimes they leak out and go spilling on whomever is nearby.)

Being a very reflective person, I do understand my sin. (Though who of us understands it completely? There are so many "little" things that have slipped away with time and gone unconfessed. Only, God has the true tally count.) So, I understand flawed and I'm a bit taken aback to admit that there are probably a vast amount of things that I have forgotten and go uncofessed and wounds unhealed.

It makes it even more humbling to know that I go before HOLY God, carrying my sin along with me.

This chapter reminds me of a skit I wrote a few years ago. It was never used, but I wrote it for some unknown reasons. Here is the story line but not all the words, just enough to give you the gist:

There is a woman (we'll call her Lucy) who has arrived in heaven. She is in a room filled with the things of her life. Some of them she is tucking under the bed, out of sight. Other things (like the award she got as volunteer of the year) she is displaying more prominently.

There is a knock at the door. Two FBI type angels walk in. The first asks what she is doing. Lucy replies, "Just tiding up a bit."

Angel 2 says, "You know you don't have to do that."

"Oh, well one wouldn't want to meet God with a mess around," replies Lucy.

Angel 1 to Angel 2: "She doesn't understand. Shouldn't we explain."

Angel shakes his head and says, "We could try, but typically, they don't get it until they've tried." He clears his throat. "Umm, Lucy it's time to go."

"What? I thought I had more time. Quick grab the suitcase."

Angel 2 shakes his head. "Mam, you are only allowed to bring what is most important."

Lucy is clearly agitated. "I know. If you'll give me a hand, I'll get things ready. Put that pile of things in that suitcase please. They are all very important -- me at graduation, the time I helped the homeless man and my picture ended up in the paper, . . . ."

Angel 1 shrugs and has Angel 2 help with the preparation. After the two suitcases are full, Lucy is still looking distressed and still hiding things in the closet and under the bed. Angel 1 reminds her that she can only take one thing. "Yes,"says Lucy. "I suppose I'll have to leave one of the suitcases behind." She is close to tears.

Angel 1 says, "Let me show you something." He gently leads her to the window. "Look out there."

"Why it's a beautiful lake!" Lucy cries.

Angel 1 says, "Actually, it is a sea. It's called the Sea of Lucy."

"It's named after me?"

"Yes. And it is a very special sea. It is made up of all the tears God has shed for you over the years -- times when you were scared or hurt and the times when sinned. He cried when you cried and when you walked away and when you came back. Everyone has a sea here."

Lucy is tearing up. She looks closer. "What does that sign out there say?"



Angel 2 reads it to her. "For some reason, you humans always try to pull up what God has cast into the sea. You hold onto them much longer than He does. He knows all you have done and all you haven't done -- the bad and the good."

Angel 1: "We really should be going."

Lucy, again in distress, tries to lift a suitcase, but it is too heavy. Angel 1 gently says, "One thing is all you can bring."

Angel 2 reminds her to remember the sign on the Sea of Lucy.

Suddenly it dawns on Lucy. "The only thing I can bring is my heart, my life, just as I am."

And the two angels escort her into the presence of God flaws and all because she is already deeply loved.

This concept does not originate with me. Well, the idea of God's tears making a sea with each of our names is purely fictional and my idea. But the other part, the no fishing part comes from a picture that hung on the wall in a stairwell at InterVarsity's Cedar Campus. I don't know how long it had hung there. But it was there during my student days with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and then my 11 year tenure on staff. My guess is, though I haven't been back in years to check, is that it still rests on the wall in the stairwell at InterVarsity's Cedar Campus. Even though it was a simple charcoal sketch, it never failed to catch my eye and my heart.

It was sketched in black on white paper -- a picture of the sea. You could see above the water and below the water. The artist had drawn the bottom of the sea littered with an inner tube and bit of trash and debris. But the heart clincher for me was a simple sign, slightly askew, in the bottom right hand corner. It simply read, "No Fishing."

I do not know who the artist was, but it has been a visual reminder while at camp and in my mind away from camp for years.

God loves me flaws and all.

Why Not What

It's week 5 of Lisa Whtittle's book hosted by Lelia. This week was on "Miss Spirituality." So, here is my 5 point sermon outline. Just kidding! But it is something Miss Spirituality would have on hand for moments like these when she is feeling tired. She would whip it out of her binder and wow you all.

Though, I've at times played the part of Miss Spirituality, I think the biggest thing that hit me this week was Lisa's statement on page 79:

"The point is not that Miss Spirituality does these things , rather why she does these things."

What kind of things does she do: Sunday school -- teaching, going, leading, serving the poor, organizing, helping out local organizations, memorize scripture, . . . . The concern is that she does them out of concern over what others will think or notice.

It made me think of the Pharisees being concerned that everyone saw their godliness. In the temple a woman gives out of what little she has (Luke 21). She doesn't do it because of how much she has and the need to show it. Rather, she does it because she believes it is what God calls her to do.

People may do the same things, but the difference can often be found in the why or heart posture behind what they are doing.

Sometimes, for me it is running back in the house at the last minute to grab my Bible so people won't notice I forgot it. God wants me to have it in service, but what people think is the wrong reason. I guess, in some ways, I am Miss Spirituality.

What good things do you do for the wrong reason?

Where To Find Confidence

I'm part of an on line study of this book by Lisa Whittle hosted by Lelia. If you want to join the fun, click the graphic to get to Lelia's site.

Confidence. I'm not sure if I have it or not. Sometimes, I do a pretty good job of putting it on like a new pair of shoes or a nice top. While those things can help me feel more confident, they are not likely to change my actual level of confidence. Lisa is right -- confidence is more than an attitude. I'd say that it is a place of the heart.

I started out saying that I wasn't sure if I had confidence or not. Give me a crying child and I'm usually pretty good at making them smile. Give me a project to work on. I'll go at it with my whole heart. In grad school I opted to do the completely optional master's level thesis.This involved lots of research, sending out surveys to 1,000 counselors across the nation, putting in the data, analyzing it and then presenting it to my thesis committee.

Going before the committee should not have been such a big deal to me. You see, my chair had suggested I put in proposal to present my finding at the national American Counseling Association conference. We had handouts for 30. When 175 people poured into that room, I was quaking. But I put on my best face and walked to podium and started rattling off the data and showing the carefully made slides. And then there was 20 minutes for questions. I surprised myself by answering confidently. My professor was pleased and the program was a success.
After working on it for a year and half, I was still nervous presenting it to my committee.

So, why was I so nervous about 3 committee members? I think it was that after 4 years of grad school (part-time) they knew me. They knew I had good days and bad days. They knew I was always prepared for class and did good presentations, but interpersonally, sometimes my confidence slipped.

I find it so much easier to "put on my game face" for those I don't know rather than those I do. Still, I made it and passed their questions without missing a beat. But I was a wreck before hand and right after!

Lisa writes about finding confidence in God. I think she is correct there. That is where we are to find it. Lisa didn't use this story, but it came to mind as I was reading. David was a man with confidence. Even as a child, he faced a Goliath with a handful of stones because he was so angry that the Philistines were insulting his God. He was a shepherd boy, overlooked by his family. Yet, even then he relied on God.

Saul was the king of Israel at the time. At one point, God tells Saul that He is going to give Saul's kingdom to David. It turns into a man hunt. One night David and his little band of men are hiding in a cave and an unknowing Saul comes into sleep. David had the opportunity to kill the man who was hunting him. But rather than do that, David simply cuts off a piece of Saul's robe and the next day shouts to Saul about having the corner of his robe. More simply put, David was saying, "Saul, I had an opportunity to kill you but I chose not to. Your death will be up to God, not me."

That is confidence because he chose to leave it all up to God instead of making something happen quickly. David expresses this confidence in God beautifully in Pslam 23:4-5 (NIV):

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies . . . .

David recognizes two things here. First, God does not promise a life without hardship. Second, God is the provider and protector. Because David could lean into that, he could let Saul go in the cave that night.

I'm not very good at resting in those things. I often get caught up in making things happen, in doing them my way. I am far from patient. This chapter challenged me to leave behind the facade of confidence for the confidence of resting in God.

When God says, "No Take-Backs" -- Hope Chronicles 42

Sorry gals! I just realized after visiting Leila's site that I missed 8 and read 9. But I like this post anyway. I'll try to post on 8 soon!

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Perhaps it is my imagination, but I think I hear God calling in delight, "No take backs!" The thought both makes me smile and tremble a bit. What is it that I am signing up for?

After a cold, wet, gray, dreary Sunday, the clear skies and warm weather were extremely welcome on Monday. For the past 6 months, I've only take a half hour lunch by choice. My schedule is shifting some and I'll now be taking a normal hour for lunch. Knowing I would have the whole hour, raised the question for me on Monday as to what to do with that time. I can easily eat in 15 minutes and have typically read during the other 15 minutes. Math has never been my strong suit but even I can figure that left 30 minutes.

I've lost 17lbs since the first of the year and plateaued there. With the turn in the weather, I decided that extra 30 minutes would be ideal for walking. So, I ate my sandwich and apple while I did 3 laps of an 8 block downtown perimeter in those 30 minutes. (How many city blocks in a mile?)


Since I had already eaten, I considered another lap but opted for a spot on a bench in sun instead. I needed to prepare for Yes to God Tuesdays at Lelia's. We are on the final chapter of Lysa's book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.

It was a challenging chapter and a call to decision. I read it and closed the book and said, "Okay, God here we go. I don't know what will happen, but 'Yes.'"

Perhaps, God was afraid I would take it back but I am not at all use to immediate-response-answers to my prayers. I still had 15 minutes and I pulled out my phone to make a quick call., but before I could dial I heard "Do you have any change for a homeless vet?"

Generally, I do not respond well to these requests. Chalk it up to a number of years in social service and dealing with some who just don't seem to want to work. Oh, there were always a myriad of reasons but I often found gaps. They couldn't afford the bus token to get to parenting classes necessary for getting their kids back but I found myself behind them in line at the grocery store while they were buying a six pack. I don't want to be unfair. There are people who are just down on their luck. But after a bit, social service can make you tend towards cynicism.

Generally, my response is to avoid eye contact and hurry on. On Monday, both those rules got broken. I met his eyes immediately and he held my gaze. It was as if God changed the words "Do you have any change?" to "Are you serious about change?"

Surprisingly, I dug into my purse to find I had $8.00 with me. My gut reaction was to hand him $3.00 and keep the $5.00 bill. And God whispered, "Now, reverse the math." So my I-so-hate-being-conned-self handed him the five. It all took all of 60 seconds. He was rushing on, "I can show you ID so you know I'm a vet." I wanted to say, "Not necessary. Jesus gave the ID for you."

It would have been great if I had said that but I wasn't that bold. However, I did something else unprecedented for me in these situations. I gathered my coat and book in my lap and made room on the bench. "You can sit down if you would like."

For ten minutes, I lent him an ear. He told me that it's cold at night and it's horrible when it rains. He said that he hates asking for money and that he can't find a job. He said he gets lonely and there is no one to talk to. He read the title of the book, What Happens When Women Say Yes To God, and asked, "Do you believe that God stuff?"

My lunch was over, but I could say, "Yes, I really do."

Did I get conned? Perhaps. Maybe I'll never know for sure. But, it was worth $5.00 to hear God delightedly exclaiming, "No take-backs. I think we shall begin now." And so we begin the next leg of the journey with some change over lunch.

The Mundane Things

It's Yes to God day at Lelia's. Here are my thoughts on chapter 7, "Keeping Our Vision Clear."

I've been blessed with remarkably good vision. As soon as I write that, I'll probably start needing glasses! Aside from a slight astigmatism in 1 eye, I see fine. Honestly, at this point in my life, there is zero impact from it.

Though about 15 years ago was a different story. It was right after my mother had passed away and I was stressed. That spring the year and half of her illness and passing caught up with me. I had headaches and my vision blurred. It was just hard to focus.

I knew I had the astigmatism before but I had never needed any help. The doctor told me (at 23) that I wasn't as young as I use to be and that sometimes it made it harder for the eyes to adjust quickly enough, that my other eye was somehow through compensating. Happily, it eventually righted itself but I am waiting -- at 39 -- for the problems to come back with age!

While most people aren't as lucky as I was to have my vision "recorrect," I think there are times when we all have things get out of focus. And there are choices we can make to get back in focus. I love Lysa's perspective on the fact that while we are often nearsighted God's vision for us is always clear.

As I think about it, His vision of our past is perfect. His vision of our future is perfect. His vision of where we are at any given moment is also perfect. But sometimes -- often -- I argue with Him about all three. Why did this have to have happened growing up? Why couldn't I be like so and so who has had a friend since she was four? Why did you let me make that bad choice? How will things ever work out in the future? What is the future going to hold? It's paralyzing to think about. How will I manage today?

Lysa shares with us a story about some unexpected money they received and how she was set on new curtains. The short version is that it took God working on her heart to make her allow Art to make the decision not to get those curtains give the money away. Many years later, if things went the way they have, the curtains would have needed to be discarded.

God knew what Lysa wanted today wasn't what she would need for her tomorrow. The same is true for me. God knows what tomorrow brings and how to prepare me for it. The hard part is trusting Him with it all.

Lysa also points to the fact that God is busy in the everyday things of life. There really is no happenstance with God. I heard a quote once that said that "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous." I use to like that quote, thought it was clever. Maybe, to a degree, it is. But it really is only coincidence to those who don't know God. Christians (though we may have to ask Him to show us) can see God's hand in all the things of life -- including the mundane. In fact, He is probably more likely to consistently meet us there than in those rare mountaintop experiences.

Lysa shares three things from the story of Jesus calling Peter:

1. "Our call to obedience may challenge our pride." Peter was called to let down his net where he had already fished. He could have said, "I just spent the last 5 hours in that spot Jesus. No way. You are a carpenter. I am fisherman. There are no fish there." But God blessed him because he didn't take that route.
2. "God uses our experiences to equip us for our calling." Here Lysa references Jesus calling Peter to be a "fisher of men." I thought of another as well. What about David fighting lions with his slingshot, protecting the sheep, well before he ever faced a giant? Our life experiences have a cumulative effect. Rarely is one event totally isolated from another. We just may not know yet how God will connect the dots.
3. "Our obedience may inspire others to respond." Obedience. Ick. I hate being told what to do. But when we follow God's prompting -- sometimes through others -- others may see God in a new way. It's obedience in the small things that lead us to be obedient in the larger things. It reminded me of the story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. He wanted to be healed but balked when he was told to dip himself in the Jordan 7 times. His Israelite servant girl challenged him, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" He went and did it and was restored.

My conclusion, we all aspire to the great things, but more often God is calling us to obey and listen through the mundane things of life -- the lawn, the dishes, the groceries, the kind word, the helping hand, . . . . Since God is in the midst of them, maybe they aren't so mundane!