If We Really Saw Each Other

Okay, so we've had a new president for just over a month now. I cannot profess to be a whiz at all the political stuff and as I said in my last post, I usually just catch snippets hear and there. Tonight there were three:

1. Hilary Clinton in her new role as Secretary of State has pledged some astronomically large amount of US money to rebuild Gaza. My question is, given the deficit and two war fronts and bank bailouts, where are we going to come up with that money? I suppose the key is "we" since it will probably come from taxes and such. I honestly don't get it. At the same time, I don't know that the US should follow an isolationistic policy like we did before WWII. (I remember that from high school history.) It seems there needs to be a balance....
2. California is talking about going bankrupt. The news said that the way California goes, so goes the rest of the nation. Not good. There was a job fair at the stadium (Sorry baseball fans, I cannot remember the name) for 500 jobs. 4,500 hopeful people showed up -- engineers even applying for positions as ushers. Reminder: Be thankful for the jobs I have.
3. Rush Limbaugh apparently said that he hoped that Obama's economic plan failed. If it fails, what will that mean for Rush? Probably not much economically. I think he is pretty well padded. What will it mean for the average American? I don't really want to think about that disaster.
   

The Rush thing bothered me. I never say who I voted for because for me it is never a black and white choice. So, it isn't that I'm "Hooray for Obama" or "Boo for Obama." I do think that he is our President and maybe that should entitle him a bit of respect.

Honestly, I get tired of the Democrat vs. Republican thing. Old, old stuff. I wish that somehow we could scrap everything and have our elected officials operate together instead of against each other. Seems like pushing in the same direction would get us further.

I also think Democrats and Republicans need to sit down and get to know each other -- not talking business but learning about each other. I bet the Democrat cares as much about his family as the Republican.

William Ury had this to say about humans and war:

We tend to think the problem is human beings have this natural tendency to kill, and yet in the middle of a hot war, WWII, a "good war," as it were, the US army was astonished to learn that at least three our of every four riflemen who were trained to kill and commanded to kill, could not bring themselves to pull the trigger when they could see the person they were ordered to kill and that inner resistance to violence is a well kept secret.

Maybe seeing each other would cure a lot of things: politics, school bullying, family feuds, genocide, . . . .

Who do you need to see?

God and GE Light Bulbs -- Hope Chronicles 85

Many years ago there was an experiment that was done by GE. Or if it wasn't done by GE they used GE light bulbs. (I studied this in college and that was many moons ago, so please forgive the fact that I don't remember every detail.) The goal was to find out if the employees worked better with more light. The employees knew about the study going on. As the light increased, the work product increased. To make sure that the light was the causative factor, the researchers decided to then try lowering the lights. To their amazement, lowering the lights also caused an increase in production. What were they to make of that?

They finally came to the conclusion. It wasn't the light that caused the increase in productivity. Rather, it was the fact that the employees were being given attention. Even the decrease in light was subconsciously perceived as attention.

Why do I share this? I think there are a couple of reasons. First, I recently moved into more of a management position at my full time job. It's been an interesting transition going from one of the gang to management. I've yet to personally need to come down really hard on people. My correction style is typically "I just wanted to point this out to you. Watch out for this in the future please." It has been well received, I think. I've also encouraged people to come ask questions whenever they have them. This is particularly crucial because we have 3 relatively new employees in a office that completely totals 7. Yet, every time I ask someone to come into my office, the first question is "What did I do?" Honestly, this perplexes me. I've actually, more times than not, asked people in to get their input on something or give a compliment. I think it is just the perception of being in management.

A couple days ago I publicly asked one of the employees to come in so I could "borrow his brain" for a few minutes. He has actually been there the second longest, second only to my boss. I was working on an employee training program. Since he knows more than I do at this point in some areas, I wanted his input. What touched me was that at the end of the conversation, he thanked me three times for asking his opinion. He said sometimes he feels side-lined. To me, it felt like one of those "GE light bulb" moments for him.

I wonder what giving attention to those around us, outside of employees, does for the relationship and their self-esteem. If you have kids, do they get your attention? What about other family members? What about friends?

Lastly, I thought about what does my giving my attention to God do? I'm sure it pleases him. But, actually, it probably doesn't do much in the same sense as the GE light bulbs. I'm pretty sure God's self esteem is intact. With what I know about God, while my attention pleases Him, it doesn't make Him respond more to me or give me my every prayer and desire.

So, I realized that with God, I was asking the wrong question. It should be, what does giving God my attention do to me?

• It makes me more aware of Him in each moment of my life
• It helps me focus on His will.
• It teaches me things about myself and things about Him
• It changes my heart, my mind, and my soul.

God desires my attention, but the change happens in my soul as I realize that I fully have His attention, love, and care, every moment of each day. There is great hope in knowing that.

40 to 40 (Gratitude 24)

I am thankful for a good, safe holiday and the feeling that I have changed. I spent Thanksgiving in Indiana with my friends Jill and Mark's family. This meant a meal at Mark's sister's, a meal at Jill's sister's, and a visit to Mark's father's house. We spent the nights at Jill's parent's home.

Lots of times in these kinds of situations I get very shy and quiet. Occassionally, I probably did get quiet, but someone mentioned that I was "holding my own" in a couple of conversations with people I don't know well.

It was a good holiday.

I spoke with one of my sisters. I need to brag on my neices and nephews. My oldest neice is a freshman in high school. She has been saving money since last year and now has almost $1,000 towards a trip her senior year to France. My one nephew is extremely bright and has a great well, rounded personality. He was a joy to talk to. My other neice is in a Spanish immersion school. She is in the 1st grade and reading at a 5th-6th grade level in Spanish and 7th-8th grade level in English. (Since it is a Spanish immersion school, they don't even teach reading in English until the second grade.) They've had to start giving her third grade spelling words to challenge her. Actually, all of my sister's children are extremely bright, nice kids.

My Heart's Desire

If you asked me what I want more than anything, I would say a family. I know, I should probably say a deeper walk with Jesus. And I do want that, but family has been on my mind lately.

Perhaps it has been on my mind even more lately. I recently had the annual female check up. They had me do a fasting blood draw. It was not good. I was also not in a good frame of mind that day. I see the nurse practitioner. She wanted to go over the results with me. I told her I didn't want to to know. She went over them anyway. Sigh.

But today I went back and they were much improved -- so much so that they won't check it again until I go back in a year.

But I am turning 40 in a few short months -- two months from Wed. So, they scheduled me for a a mammogram. I had one once before when I thought I felt something. It was a cyst. So, this was my second. I knew what to expect. Still, who likes to be squished?

So, when I was getting my blood drawn today, the entire 40 thing was very much on my mind. I told her I had a question but not about the labs. My question was, "At 40 how long do I have to have a child?" Yes, I teared up. She said there are no signs of menopause yet and maybe not even until I'm 50. But after the 35 the quality of the eggs decreases and pregnancy gets riskier.

I suppose it was a silly question. I'm not even dating anyone. I'm not sure I know anyone to date. But that ache is there. Today I just wanted to ask God, "Why give me all the parts and the desire to have children if they are not going to be used?"

No answer yet. But it is a big question.

But then sometimes I think God doesn't "zap" and fix things because there is something I am suppose to learn along the way.

And I am struck by how I opened this post. Why don't I have that same ache that I have for a family that I have for a deeper relationship with Jesus. Yes, the upcoming birthday has stirred things up, but shouldn't my desire always be first and foremost a desire for Him?

So, I'm praying that God would set the order right in my mind and heart. And I'm praying for a "Yes" to both.

Children with Questions -- Hope Chronicles 15

A little elf of a five-year-old came up to the counter tonight as I was cashiering at the bookstore. I love kids. I love talking to them and can often readily converse on some of their favorite things. Since it is Feb., things have slowed down. There is more of a chance to have a brief conversation than there was with the franticness of serving customers during the Christmas season.

I appropriately "ahhed" over the Dora the Explorer book and the princess book she came up with and asked how old she was . . . .

I must have put her at ease because she decided that she could ask me questions as well. "Where's your mommy?"

"Well, I don't have a mommy anymore." I could see the wheels in her head turning.

"Where are your kids?"

A bit of a gulp on my part. "I don't have any kids -- yet."

"Where's the other people?" she persisted.

"The other people?"

"You gotta live with people."

I checked for more customers, but there was no one in line. "No, I don't live with anyone. I'm a grownup and sometimes grownups live by themselves." This was obviously a new concept.

"You don't got nobody?"

Well, I didn't know how deep this conversation was going to go. Her mother was writing a check and didn't seem inclined to save me, so I decided to go with diversion. "Would you like a sticker?" She started to ask another question and I said, "How about another?"

I have spent a lot of time with children and had more than my share (considering I don't have kids) of the awkward questions ranging from manners, to bodily functions, to death, and even dating and sex. I try to be a safe person and answer as simply and straightfoward as I can (and fill in the parents or care givers regarding my answers . . . .) But I recognized this innocent conversation as one that has the potential to really trip me up. It hits me in the areas I experience the most longing in: day to day connection, family, and marriage and kids.

The little girl's perspective makes total sense to me. She lives in a world where mom and dad are the world. Children are typically egocentric (the world revolves around me). Actually, adults are egocentric too, but we have learned to mask it better! Her life is one of being a daughter (hence the mother question). The closest people to her are parents; thus, I got the children question. My guess is that she also has brothers or sisters, so how could anyone live alone?

Though I am an adult, I think I also define myself in terms of relationships. So, in the absence of the most key relationships (a rocky family of origin, the death of my mother, no husband, no kids) I can sometimes find myself floundering. Who am I in a world that defines us in relation to another or to a role?

Since it was slow tonight, I had a chance to ponder this. Yes, those relationships are ones that are key in the lives of many, possibly most, people. But the more than being key, being crucial, is my relationship to Jesus. It is He who loves me now and through eternity. It is God who is a father to the fatherless and the defender of widows (and singles) and orphans. It is Jesus who is ultimately my bridegroom. In each of these things and the daily blessings of friends and a half dozen kids I can love on and give back to their parents when they are tired or cranky, there is hope. My hope is in Jesus.

CS Lewis writes the following in Mere Christianity:

"If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and help others do the same."

The things I too often look to, a husband and kids and all of that, cannot satisfy my deepest longing. CS Lewis is right in that. While these things might be blessings and things I desire, they are not the be all-end all. No, that would be Jesus. The beginning and the end, the alpha and omega. I have hope because of who I am in relation to Jesus.