Meeting the Neighbors

Last year my church, Crosswinds Community, bought a church building in the middle of a neighborhood on the south/west side of town. A church has been there for the last 90+ years. But it was no longer feasible for them to continue to meet and keep up the building. My church was thrilled to go into this neighborhood.

Last summer was a time of renovations and making the building reflect Crosswinds. But there was an eye on trying to reach out to the community. Indeed, several homeless men have come on a regular basis and been welcome. Last week one of them needed antibiotics. Those were taken care of for him.

All year there has been an eye out for ways to meet the neighbors. This week we had our VBS -- Kamp KidStuf. It is an offshoot of the children's ministry each Sunday during the school year. It involves drama, singing, dancing, and every crazy thing you can imagine. We hoped the neighbors would come and had gone door to door inviting.

As a culmination, we had a neighborhood block party last night. We were pleased that people who hadn't come to VBS showed up. Who can resist the bouncy inflatibles or the huge slide or free food? Some of the neighbors watched from safety across the street. One of the church members walked across and doled out ice cream sandwhiches because sometimes you have to go to the world rather than expecting the neighborhood/world to come to you.

Everyone seemed to have a grand time. Some neighbors I've been getting to know came. They are Christians and attend church, but I thought it would be fun -- especially for their 3 year old. Apparently, he sang/shouted a song we had sung "We are the children of God!" all the way home.

Not Really Alone

Thanks for all the thoughts on today's earlier post. I really appreciate it. If you haven't chimed in, please feel free too.

I've thought about it a lot today. I'm not sure what the answer is. But please pray with me about this whole issue of alone. It is very real. But I wonder if my fear of it should be allowed to over ride my decision making. I have been doing ppt as an act of service. Should the alone factor weigh so heavily that I don't do it.

I believe in KidStuf and want to help. So, the other question is if there is a better fit for me, something I can get passionate about? I don't know that answer off the top of my head. But I did email a friend and asked to get together to talk about it.

And if I am suppose to keep doing it, I pray God will make that clear and ease that fear.

I'm drawn back to Prince Caspian. Aslan tells Lucy that much time has been wasted. Lucy says something to the effect of, "I couldn't have left the others and come up to alone, how could I? . . . . I suppose I could. Yes, and I wouldn't have been alone, I know, not if I was with you."

So, there is that reality. I would not really be alone. And I would not just have God but the rest of people working on KidStuf going in the same direction even if I was in a loft in the corner with God doing my bit.



As soon as I'm done reading all the Narnia books, I promise to let up on the Narnia quotes!

Question on Gifts, Abilities, and Service

A couple years ago, my church was short on people to run Power Point (ppt) for the main service. I saw the announcement and thought, "I can do that." And I did. In my mind it was an act of service. It wasn't necessarily a gift. Simply, it was something that I knew how to do and that needed being done.

While I was more than able to put together and run the show, I found I didn't enjoy it all that much. The big piece was that I found it to be very lonely. Thursday night practice consisted of me in the loft upstairs watching the musicians chat and have a grand time while I waited for them to run through a song. (I couldn't join in the chatting without yelling.) More chatting. Run through another song.

Sunday morning, I watched everyone chat and worship. It was just me and the sound guy. Occasionally, they would have a prayer time. Sometimes I wanted to go down for prayer but I couldn't leave my post. Someone told me once to just ask the sound guy. The problem with running ppt though is that if I stopped and did that the slides would stop appearing.

Lonely. That is what I found ppt to be.

And, it was fraught with conflict. To be fair, I won't air all of that here. So, I decided to leave the ppt team.

So, when I quit, someone from our KidStuf worship asked me to run ppt for them. I was hesitant. There was definitely a lot less conflict but I still feared the lonely part.

She was very complimentary on how I run things. I have good timing and all. She called it a gift. Maybe. I wonder if it is just an ability -- something many people can learn.

We met this week to talk about next year. I found myself agreeing to help out, but now I am having second thoughts. We are moving to a different building. As we talked it came out that ppt might be in one place and sound in another. Thus, I would really be even more alone doing ppt.

I believe in KidStuf, but I'm not sure that I'm passionate about ppt.

And I definitely don't want to be alone. As a single who lives alone, I get up alone, I eat most meals alone (everyone at work takes different lunch breaks since it is a small office), I spend most evenings alone, I go to bed alone. (Unless you count the cats!) That is a lot of alone.

I think I feel the alone piece even more in social type situations where I, for whatever reason, have to be off by myself.

So, ppt has been an act of service on my part-- maybe more than others realize.

My question for you is what is the difference between gifts and abilities? Where do my feelings of not wanting to be alone on a regular basis come into play? Do I need to do it just as an act of service or should I find something different after a few years of doing it? Would it be selfish to say, "I don't want to do it if I have to sit by myself." (I do realize that might sound childish, but it is a real question.)

Your thoughts as I sift through this are welcome.

Be Anxious About Nothing -- Hope Chronicles 40

It would be so much simpler if there was always a cause and effect. But over the years I've simply found that there isn't always one.

I had a good day yesterday. I slept in and puttered around the house and on the computer. In the evening, I worked at the bookstore. It made for a late night since on Saturdays we are open until 11:00PM and we had been slammed most of the evening. It meant that recovery took us a solid 45 minutes. It probably should have been longer, but the manager was shooing us out the door. It made for a late night but it was still a good day.

I got up about 8 this morning and made it to 9:00 KidStuf. But somewhere in there anxiety inexplicably wormed its way in. There was nothing that I could put my finger on to be anxious about. I don't think that "being anxious about nothing" in this context was what Paul meant when he wrote in Philippians 4:6, "Be anxious about nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I had a couple reactions to the sudden onslaught. My first thought was to flee. Like some of the animals I love -- horses and cats -- I am a flight animal by nature. God whispered in my ear, "Start down that road and it will be hard to turn back. It will become a habit quickly," I stayed and wandered restlessly through the entire break between services.

The anxiety did not lessen second service. Rather, I turned into a puddle and cried during each worship song. Again, there was the feeling of needing to flee. But I stayed.

Well, I stayed exactly until church was over. There was no one on my right. And the person on my left was immediately engaged in conversation. I grabbed my stuff and sprinted to the door.

But the anxiety really had little, I think, to do with church. I got home and still felt anxious.

Anxiety is a hard thing to explain to someone who has never experienced it. It is much more than butterflies in the tummy. Rather, it is like a huge spring in your body being tightened and twisted until it might burst.

Sometimes there isn't much energy associated with it -- just a restlessness. But today, there was some energy behind mine. I made a choice. My first option was to hole up in my bed and pull the covers up. My second choice was to do something. I opted for the second.

I hate yard work. My dad always did all of the outside jobs. It was his domain. Consequently, I didn't learn how to mow the grass until last year. Thankfully, a friend did it for me a few times and then taught me how.

So, I checked the oil and added gas and pulled and pulled and pulled. About the 10th pull (right before I was ready to give up in despair), it started and I began the chore. As I came around the front, I realized that my closest neighbor (our townhouses are adjoined and she is also single) needed her yard done as well. So, when I came to the end of my lawn I kept going. On the swing back, I realized that my other neighbor (a single mom with two girls) needed her yard done as well. I hesitated a moment and then crossed into her yard. I did the 3 yards in long sweeps and hoped my neighbor's neighbors weren't watching and expecting me to keep going and going and going!

Proverbs 12:25 says, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." I guess I adapted it to "An anxious heart weighs her down, but doing a kind deed cheers her up."

We now probably have three of the worst cut lawns (given my inexperience) in the neighborhood, but they are cut! Though, not having a weed eater or trimmer or whatever it is I would need, I'm not sure how to get right along the fence . . . .

So, the lawns are cut and while there is still a hint of anxiety, it's not nearly as strong as it was earlier. I feel as if I chose hope when in the past I would have chosen retreat.