The Sanctuary of the Word

I do not remember a time before words. Perhaps no one does. It is words that help us construct our reality. Why else would Eskimos have 32 words for snow when I can only think of 4 related terms: snow, flurries, blizzard, freezing rain. (All of which, by the way, make my blood turn cold just typing them. I'm a hotter-the-better kind of gal and will use my down comforter into May.) Words tell us what is important. Words help us make meaning.

Words (written, not spoken) and stories were my solace growing up. My family was on the extreme end of the dysfunctional continuum. I learned to be seen and not heard. It was infinitely safer that way -- physically, emotionally. But the words poured out of me on every scrap of paper. At night, when things were scariest, I put myself to sleep by making up stories.

At 10 I got my favorite Christmas present -- a little blue typewriter. Christmas day I pecked out my version of the Christmas story on it. Then my sister and I began to write and write and write. The stories were always the same at heart: children who banded together to form families when their own were dangerous or torn away, children who overcame odds, children who ultimately found safety.

In high school we got a computer with the REAL floppy disks. Together my sister and I constructed our own world. She would write a section. I would respond by writing a section. We wrote three single spaced works each totaling about 300 printed pages. We couldn't talk about all that was going on in "real time." We could "talk" about it in these strange narratives.

So, words have always been part of my life. They have been a sanctuary of sorts -- a place to find safety. As I've gone along, I've continued to write. And then to speak. And over the last two years to blog. As I've opened myself up, things have blossomed and I've discovered that my writing is not just for me but that it is also a sanctuary for others.

And I am reminded of the power of the Word: to create, to heal, to give life.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. (John 1:1-3)

What I've learned about the Word from P31 has refreshed my soul and healed me in deep places. As I've continued to relate to them through reading blogs and such, they have even influenced me to start to run. (The operative word is start.) She Speaks, P31, is a place of safety where God can whisper your name and that you are deeply loved. Yes, the information is wonderful and helpful, but it is so much more than that.

I have gone to She Speaks twice now: once as a writer and once as a speaker. I feel somewhat selfish posting for a scholarship. (Click here for Scholarship contest info).I had planned on funding my way and worked the last year to try to do that. A car repair, miscellaneous mishaps, and finally an unrepairable broken refrigerator have put funding it all myself out of reach. I am living without a cushion.

I had hoped to go and go early. I talked to LeAnn Rice about coming in early and helping out. She warned me that none of it would be glamorous work -- more moving things, fixing tables, unpacking books -- scutt work. But I didn't care about that. I wanted to give something back since I've gotten so much my attending.

If you can go to She Speaks -- go. Don't hesitate. There is an abundance of blessings awaiting you there. If I go or not, I will be praying. If you read this and are going, please leave a prayer request below. I will print it out and pray for you as you prepare to go or, if you are a P31 person, as you serve.

If you just want to know about my experience at She Speaks there are three posts you can click on: one (She Speaks, God Delights), two (I Hope You Dance), and three (The Whimsical Side of She Speaks).

40 to 40 (Gratitude 39)

I am thankful for Proverbs 31. I know that I've already named off a couple people and She Speaks, but they all need to go into a gratitude. Since I went to She Speaks a couple of years ago, got involved in the blogging community, and went again to She Speaks year, I have gotten to know some wonderful people.

This past summer She Speaks 2008 was a true highlight for me. I was astounded that the minute I walked in I felt like I was stepping into family. Some of that was due to other bloggers I had met online like Lelia, Nicki, Lisa, and the list could go on and on. It was so great to see them in person.

But it was also wonderful to meet the staff. I've gotten to know a few of them over the past year and then again at the conference. I'm thankful Glynnis being willing to publish a couple of my things in the P31 magazine. I'm thankful for LeAnn and all she did to put the conference together. I'm thankful for people like Wendy and Samantha who did and do so many behind the scenes type things. I'm thankful for the whole lot of them.
Even after this conference they have continued to love on me. I was doing really well at the conference and rode pretty high a couple weeks after. Then due to insurance coverage I needed to change a couple things with my medication. Med changes for depression are really hard.

I called and talked to Melissa some and Terri a bit. They were encouraging that they were all praying.

One day a package showed up. It was a beautiful picture with hands reaching down and some reaching up. It said, "From Jesus." And it was filled with scripture and my name had been inserted in Isaiah 43:1.

But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed Amy; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

I suspected it was from Melissa as she and I had been keeping the most contact. I recently found out that it had been LeAnn's idea and that it truly was a gift from the whole office. I was touched that they would all want to send it.

I've placed it on my desk at work so that whenever I'm frazzled, I can look over and be reminded of God's love and care for me.

I am thankful for the entire P31 team and all they do.

40 to 40 (Gratitude 32)

I am grateful for the amazing conference that Proverbs 31 puts on called She Speaks. It is for writers, speakers, women in ministry, teens, and I think they are even beefing up on this blog phenomenon. I went in 2006 and had a good time, but it was a difficult time in my life. I went again in 2008. I had an absolutely phenomenal time. From the moment I set foot in the hotel parking lot I felt like I stepped into family.

To read about my experience at She Speaks 2008 click here for the first, here for the second, and here for the third. There was just too much to put into one post. If you are a woman, a writer, a teen, a speaker, a blogger . . . . check it out.

I was greatly encouraged by the people I met there -- those at P31 and blog friends.

Holly Good, me, Lysa Terkeurst

She Speaks, God Delights

I had to be at the airport at 8:30AM on Thursday for a 10:15 flight to O'Hare and then our jaunt to Charlotte. One of the gals with me had rented a car and we made our way to the hotel.

I kid you not. My feet had barely touched the asphalt parking lot when I was warmly greeted, by Lysa Terkeurst and Holly Good from P31, "Amy, I'm so glad your here!" I had been a couple years ago and been on Lysa's site and she had left sweet encouragement on mine. It was such a treat to be greeted so warmly right from the get go. Pam, Karrie, Rachel and I flew in a day early, so it was nice to be greeted even before things started officially.

Holly, me, and Lysa

Their sweet greeting was just the beginning. I finally met Melissa Taylor in person. She is simply beautiful inside and out. Lisa Whittle startled me with her greeting as I was sitting at a table putting my talks together in the lobby. She is another beautiful person -- real and caring. And then I ran into Renee. She greeted me, invited me to lunch, encouraged me, and moved me to tears with her talk Saturday night.

Me with Melissa Taylor

Renee and Me

And then there are all the bloggers I met. I shall tell you more about them as the time goes on. If I write everything this minute, my computer will overload. Let's just say there were 560 dreams that were lifted up to God There were 560 beautiful women. There were 560 women who are dearly loved by God.

Friday night I sat at a table with 7 other women. A woman across from me asked about my blog. I said that it was called, "God's Work In Progress," but that the address was http://www.amylbrooke.blogpsot.com/ The woman to my right, exclaimed, "AMY L BROOKE! I'm having dinner with AMY L BROOKE!" At first I thought she was teasing me, but it turns out she has read my little corner of blogland and was genuinely pleased to meet me. I can say, no one has ever greeted me quite like that.


Very often I feel insignificant, unnoticed, overlooked. But it felt like this weekend that God was saying, "You are significant. You are noticed. You are never out of my sight. My beloved, Amy, I SEE you." It came in the form of the arms of these wonderful ladies at P31 as well as the attendees.


I often panic in a crowd when I am by myself. Saturday night I sat with some bloggy friends. Renee brought a profound message. I laid my doubts and fears at the foot of the cross. Melissa was there to hug me, and I cried on her shoulder and got snot on the sweater she had borrowed from Melaine (sorry, Melanie), and then made my way back to the table and sat and listened to the music and God. One by one the people at my table left for the evening and still I sat. The worship leader came back out to sing just a couple more songs.

I found myself standing at that empty table. The new thing for me was that I was completely okay with that. I was standing in the throne room of God. He kept repeating, "I see you. I love you." I wanted those moments to go on and on.


The room was finally almost empty. They flipped the harsh lights back on. I stopped to talk to Lysa for a moment. She went to hug me and I warned her, "If you hug me I'll probably start leaking again," so we opted for a brief hug. I said, "I'll try to say this without crying. Two years ago when I came, I felt loved on. Things with my family are always difficult. This year when I came it was more than feeling loved on. It has been like stepping into a family. I have never felt so delighted in."

Lysa said what others would reiterate throughout the conference. "When you came two years ago my heart broke for you because you were so lonely and I knew there was nothing I could do . . . . But I've watched you blossom the last year over the blog. God has changed you."

God has patiently and faithfully worked in my life the last couple years. She Speaks confirmed that change to me. And it gave me a glimpse of heaven, where we will all delightedly say, "It's you! I've been so wanting to meet you!"


Yes, there is more to share: meetings with publishers, the talks I gave, eating fried pickles because "everything is better if it is fried," the difference between southern and northern humor, and lots of fun anecdotes. But the biggest thing I want to give praise to is knowing in a new way that God delights in me and that He sets the lonely in "families." I caught hold of those two things in a new and profound way.

Never Uncalled For

I have the most interesting conversations at Barnes and Noble. The other night, between waiting on customers, another bookseller and I were chatting. She had picked out a couple of cards and said, "I never know if I should get my husband's father's wife a Mother's Day card."

Without a thought, I quipped, "Kindness is never uncalled for." I've thought on that the last couple of days. I think it is true. Sometimes we worry about what is "correct" by someone's definition. (Even though we are unsure who the mysterious someone is!) So, we hesitate to do the kind thing even if it is a $2.00 card . . . .

I'm not saying that I always get it right. I don't. Sometimes I worry about how something will be received -- too much, too little, whatever.

Hearts at Home is held in March in Illinois. Some of the Proverbs 31 gals were going to be here. I had contact with one over my She Speaks registration. On a whim, I emailed her to ask if she and the two others would like to come to my house for dinner or go out the night before the conference. It took a few days to hear back. As soon as I sent it, I worried about what she must have thought. It's not like she knows me. Still, it seemed like a friendly thing to do. I went back and forth on if I should have invited at all.

But the idea of kindness never being uncalled for -- it might have quieted some of those thoughts.

They already had plans, but she said to make sure I said "Hello" during She Speaks.

When insecurity or whatever is nipping at your heels, remember that kindness is never uncalled for. I hope you'll follow your kind impulses.

Breaking out of Insanity -- She Speaks & Proverbs 31 Contest

Someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. As a counselor, I know that isn't quite right, but there is a ring of truth to it. I have been dealing with depression since I was 10. That is at least the first time I remember wishing to die. There was no hope of help in my family of origin. We were much to private for anything like that. Thus, I didn't start getting help for it until I was an adult.

Unfortunately, one of the things I have learned is that once you deal with major depression, the likelihood of it recurring increases every time you have an episode.

The fall of 2005 wasn't any different. That fall I went to a conference on abuse called The Wounded Heart put on by author and speaker, Dan Allender. He spoke of an opportunity to go to a conference in May or June that was really along group therapy session. I was hesitant but decided that I needed to do something different. I didn't want to keep running around on that treadmill of depression. So, I called to get information.

There was a long application that had to be filled out that included lots of personal details. I bared my soul and filled it out. Then I found out that you had to do a phone interview as well. So, I anticipated and worried about the call. What would they ask?

The call came in February 2006. They didn't ask much of anything. Instead the call was to say that I wasn't eligible to come! Maybe, they said, in a year --after another year of working with my doctor and therapist. Even though I was nervous and hesitant about the whole thing, I was crushed.

But God had different plans for me. As so often is the case, He gives better gifts than we can imagine.

At some point, Lysa Terkeurst spoke in a nearby town. My counselor, Julie, went to talk. She told me about it and said that she had wished that I could have heard her. She then went on to say that Lysa was going to be in Normal at Hearts at Home. Not being a mom, I didn't think that I could sneak in on that. But I did start checking out her books.

At one point that spring, I emailed her and told her a bit of my story. I was actually surprised that she responded. But as I cruised the web, I checked out Proverbs 31 and found out about She Speaks. Since I had saved for the Wounded Heart conference, I had some money. Having always loved writing, I decided to step out and go. (Please note that I generally hate large crowds, going somewhere like that alone, and traveling alone.)

While I learned a lot about writing and speaking, God used this conference in a mighty way to mend a hurting heart. When I cried on MaryBeth Whalen while trying to meet with her to talk about writing, I think they called the troops out. They got word to me that Lysa wanted me to go to the prayer room and meet with Luanne. I nervously complied (popping in and out several times before staying put). Somewhere in all of that -- talking to MaryBeth, a prayer with Luanne, talking with Teri, and other people -- God wrapped His arms around me and a spiritual part of me relaxed that I don't think had ever relaxed before.

There was a pronounced difference in my life that summer and fall and winter. It turns out it was visible:

• I got a note from one of the members of the church's leadership team saying how touched he was to see me reaching out and talking to people on Sunday mornings. (Me -- the one who assumed no one would want to talk to her.)


• We had a game night in Dec. Even at those things, maybe even more at those things because of the lack of structure, I often felt out of place and was quiet and reserved. That night however, I belly laughed so hard I cried. A couple people announced that watching me was more fun than playing the game. This normally would have sent my self-conscious self into a spin. But, I took it for the compliment it was.


• In Feb. my pastor had me come up and tell the church about starting a private practice in counseling. He said something about the change in me and the church whooped and hollered!

With starting a private practice, I didn't feel like I had the funds to go last year. And then tragedy struck and a dear friend died very suddenly. After one of the most significant breaks in the depression I had ever had, I felt the depression sink it's teeth into me again.

I am working through it. And have determined to "not just do the same old thing and expect results." While I am still going to counseling and all of that, I've had some more practical pieces to the plan: keeping scripture always in front of me, taking a class through a local Christian group, writing weekly on hope to fix my eyes on Jesus, and finding ways to feed my soul.

So, I want to go to She Speaks again for two reasons. First, I think it would feed my soul. Second, I believe with all the writing I have been doing about hope, that a book is forming and God is calling me to go this time with a complete proposal and pitch it. That's scary since I fear rejection, but . . . . Even if it doesn't get accepted, I think I may be writing it as much for myself as for anyone else.

But money is very tight. The business has never really taken off. Along with the depression there has been an increase in doctor bills. This is not to mention two falls -- one off a horse where I broke my tail bone and one fall down a full flight of stairs while playing with my niece where I fractured a few fingers and sprained a knee and ankle. And my roommate moved out this summer and I haven't been able to find a new one. So, it is tight. Yet, I'm cutting away every inch I can to try to be able to come.

Proverbs 31 is sponsoring a scholarship contest. So, this is what I'm entering. These are the reasons I want to go. You can find out about She Speaks by clicking here and you can enter the contest by clicking P31 Contest

Perhaps, it is selfish to want the scholarship since I've been blessed by being able to go once. I don't know. But, it never hurts to try for something. God will somehow provide a way.

Thanks for reading all of this. I hope you will consider going!

Oh, Golly!

Oh, golly! What is a girl to say? I won the P31 writing contest with an entry below called "The Determined Life." I am thrilled and humbled. I read so many good entries this weekend. I didn't think I had a chance.... That and I'm not use to winning contests -- unless the cakewalk when I was 10 counts!

Proverbs 31 sponsored it. It was through Lysa Terkeurst's blog . There is a list of all the entries. You should peruse them. They are all really good. I think there were about 110. I spent a lot of time reading and commenting this weekend. It was very encouraging!

Thanks Lysa and P31. I think you made my day, my week, and maybe my year!