Are You Listening?

Today at the office, a very distraught woman came in. This is somewhat unusual in my office. Land records aren't typically all that distressing. Someone else was helping her, but I could tell that it was escalating. I went over to see if I could diffuse whatever was brewing. She explained that she needed to get her home in her name only. Her husband had passed away quite awhile ago. (Yes, this can be distressing. I'm not referring to that piece.) She had a letter telling her that her husband's estate needed to be probated or she needed a Quit Claim Deed from each of his children. She was insistent that it all had to happen right away and kept repeating that she only had several days.

"Mam, I'm not sure where you are getting that you only have several days or you will lose your house."

"Right here." She pointed out a sentence.

I read it. "I think there has been some confusion. The letter says getting the deed in you name can happen several ways, not several days."

I tried to walk through the other points in the letter with her. But she was having none of it. She continued to insist that she only had several days or she would lose her house. In a rage, she cussed my colleague and I and left.

The whole thing saddened me because by not listening carefully she is causing herself a heap of heart ache and fear. Who wouldn't be fearful if they felt they might lose their home in days?

It got me to thinking. Are there times when I don't listen carefully? Are there times when I am so wound up that I confuse ways and days?

I know that I have and probably still do. However, it reminded me of something I've tried in conflict situations. When I know going into a situation that I might get side tracked or not see something clearly I write the points I want to make out on note cards. Then, every few cards I insert another note card with various bits of wisdom on it:

• Listen before speaking
• Think before you speak
• Ask questions
• You do not have to be RIGHT

It's actually helped me a lot. But maybe I need to make a mental note of some of those same things for everyday situations when I let the emotions of the moment runaway with me. The biggest one should always be. ARE YOU LISTENING?

What's Your Other Name?

The other day I was putting some medicine on Katy (one of my cats). She didn't squirm or anything like that, so I was telling her what a good girl she was. Hadley, who is in puppy obedience, came bounding into the room. She'll come sometimes when she is called, but it isn't 100% yet. So, her sudden appearance took me by surprise. Then it dawned on me. I thought, perhaps, she was responding to the phrase "good girl." You see, "Good girl" is often followed by a treat.

I know it may sound silly, but on days where I work both jobs, I take Hadley to doggy daycare. It's $6.25 and wears her out. I can then go to my evening job without too much guilt. I told Rose, one of the people working there that Hadley's second name was "Good girl."

Later that day, she was trying to get all the dogs on leashes and Hadley decided to play keep away. She called her several times without luck. She then opted to try "Good girl!" Hadley was there in a flash.

It's cute and funny, but it also got me thinking. Is there a word or phrase that you always respond to? Do you have a second name like my sweet Hadley?

It's not a name or phrase for me. But sometimes, there is a still, small tug in my soul. I don't respond to it 100%. I wish I did. But it always feels like God tugging on my soul to get my attention. Just like Hadley responding to "Good girl," there is always some "treat" or measure of peace when I respond to that tug.

How do you hear God?

Notes to Myself

I've been in the midst of some conflict lately. As with most things, it seems like it comes in waves. Today, I am meeting with a friend to try and sort out the mess of the last couple of months.Sigh. I both want to meet, think we need to meet, and dread it. Part of the problem is that I think we both know how to push the other's buttons. So, I need to choose not to allow those buttons to get activated.

A little over a year ago, I was in a conflict with someone else. We met with a neutral third party to work it out. I wrote notes to myself on index cards. Some were just a sentence or two about an issue that needed to be addressed, a prompt for myself to keep me on track. I find that sometimes in conflict I can chase rabbit trails.

Every 2-3 cards I had something totally different written on a card. It had nothing to do with the conflict at hand. It had everything to do with me. Here is some of what I wrote:

• Listen. Really listen.
• You DO NOT have to be right.
• Speak in love, not anger
• Listen with your heart

I think the other person was a bit put off that I had come with a stack of note cards. I think they thought that all the cards were issues I had with them. No, they were reminders for myself.

I've made a few notes to myself again. Hopefully, when I feel myself getting pulled in, digging my heels in and wanting to win, I can glance at a note and be reminded of a better way to respond

Odds and Ends

It's late -- 12:12 AM to be exact. I'm tired but my mind is going. I actually just got off of work at the bookstore about 40 minutes ago. I've been on my feet for 5 1/2 hours. So, this post may be a bit off from my usual posts. It's an attempt to declutter my brain so I can sleep.

Working at the bookstore has been interesting. Actually, working at the county has been interesting too. Anytime you have an ounce of customer service to perform -- its interesting. You learn a lot about people.

Anecdotes and Observations:

• Communication is harder than you think. I'm coming to believe that listening is a lost art. Tonight, a girl bought a book. She wanted to spend the remainder of her gift card after we had already completed the transaction. She grabbed a chocolate bar with raspberry filling and had me use the card for it. I told her she owed $1.24 as the card didn't cover the entire thing. She began almost frantically looking for another item to total $1.24. Clearly, she didn't understand, had missed that she owed rather than still had money on the card.
• In every business you get the regulars and the um, shall we say, irregulars. Tonight, we had a gentleman show up in his shirt, shoes, socks, and underwear -- briefs to be exact. He spent a long time reading on how to become a success. It made a coworker wonder if any of the books covered the importance of wearing pants . . . . This same coworker pointed out that the sign only said -- no shirt, no shoes, no service. It left out pants!
• For my other job, I set up user accounts for the website. It's not as hard as it might sound. Anyway, I cannot begin to count how many people I have talked to who call and say they are having trouble with the site yet they have not actually tried putting in their user id and password that I emailed to them. It's almost if they assume that it won't work so they don't try it out.
• At 11:15 PM it is impossible to alphabetize. This is particularly true when coworkers start naming off random letters to help you lose your place.
• I work in a secular book store. Still, I would have thought that someone would have thought that a book on the Dali Lama might be out of place on the Easter table. Just a thought....
• The saying goes that "The customer is always right." I think this is a gross overstatement. Customers will argue over the smallest thing even if it is printed in black and white. You can explain all you want, but often they won't listen until it comes from a manager. Sigh. This includes arguing over a 20% discount on a $1.50 paper.
• For the county, we reject documents that don't meet certain standards. We print off a gold sheet that tells the company exactly why the document was rejected. I don't know if they don't read the sheet or just think that if they send t back through without having changed a thing, that it will magically make it. Some things get rejected several times for things that would be easy to fix.

You just never know what people are thinking (or not thinking)....