Shaking Off Fears

Fear is one of those things with two sides, like two sides of a coin. On one hand, there things that it is healthy to be afraid of like the hot stove. These fears keep us from getting hurt.

But then there are fears that keep us from achieving what God may want us to do. These are the fears that say, "You can't do that" or "What will everyone think if you mess up?" I am way too consumed by these kinds of fears. They often keep me from trying, striving.

As you may know, I've started running the last couple of months. It's a program called "Catch the Wave" put on by the local running club for beginning runners. I missed the first two weeks, so I was already behind when everyone was suppose to run 6 minutes the third week. I struggled to keep pace with the lowest group, Group 10.

The next week, they added a transitional group and called it Tiger. I must of spaced on the idea of it being a "transitional" group and was sticking with that group. Last week, our leader was out so another experienced runner led the run. I ran fairly far ahead with her and we circled back periodically for the other members of the Tiger group. She told me four times that I should move up to Group 10. My initial reaction was, "I can't." It was intimidating to think about. Last week the Tiger group ran 4 and a half minutes and walked 2 and repeated that pattern. The other groups were running 16 and walking 4 or 5 minutes in between the running intervals. How could I even think of jumping up that much?

And then there was the other consideration. I've enjoyed getting to know Katie and Chris in the Tiger group. I would be moving up to a group where I didn't really know anyone. I have a definite anxiety about being around people I don't know.

I decided to take the leap. Tonight, I ran with Group 10. The plan was 5 minutes walking, 20 minutes running, 5 minutes walking, 20 minutes running, 5 minutes walking. My mind started going with the "I can't" statements before we started. But I decided to not look at my watch and just run.

Somehow, I ended up at the front with one of the leaders. It was a slow pace, but I needed that. I found myself acutely aware that people were running right behind me and if I slowed down I might get stepped on. Amazingly, I made it 17:30! I did a 7 minute walk and then tried the second 20. I actually made it about 12 out of the 20 during that stint.

My legs feel a bit like jello, but it is a happy, satisfied feeling.

How do we shake off fears?

1. Ask God if it is what He wants us to do. Is God concerned with my running? Maybe to a degree, though it isn't likely to impact things much. He is more concerned when I short change myself and, more importantly, Him.
2. Focus on the task at hand and not the fears. I just needed to run. I didn't need to worry about the time. My task was to put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving.
3. Focus on the God who gives strength and endurance. Things aren't always over with quickly. (It's amazing how long 20 minutes is!) In life, things can take years.
   

Elijah was a prophet who stood up to Ahab. But before things came to a head in 2 Kings, Elijah went through a drought/famine lasting several years. He was also pretty much on his own in terms of comrades. There were other prophets that God had saved, but none of them were near Elijah. Then God sends him to confront Ahab and Ahab's wife sends people out to kill Elijah. There were lots of scary situations. But God was with Elijah.

Maybe that is an over simplification of things. I need to figure out how to apply it all in the rest of life. But for today, I feel like I gave the fear of "I can't" a good swift kick.

A couple years ago, my friend Allison tried to teach me to run. She moved suddenly and the running stopped. I had a goal of running a mile straight. If I reached that goal, I told her girls I would take them for ice cream. I called her tonight to tell her they needed to do an ice cream run. That was a fun phone call -- even if it was a couple years in the coming.

Two Sides of the Same Coin -- Hope Chronicles 25

Last night at the bookstore, I was talking to a coworker. I told him that on Saturday I had purchased a hula hoop and that I was teaching one of my cats, Mali, to jump through it. He remarked, "You can't teach a cat tricks." (For photographic proof see Mali doing "up".) I told him that I had, and that Mali had walked through the hoop numerous times and jumped through twice. His response: "Are you sure she just wasn't humoring you?" Maybe, but I'll take it.

Dogs are pack animals and probably do perform out of a desire to please as well as accompanying treats. The only cat that lives in a group is a lion. So, cats are fairly independent. It can be a trick to figure out their motivation and harness it. Our motives in things are often mixed. I think Mali enjoys the interaction as well as the treats....

My parents were always very concerned about appearances. As a result, they belonged to a local church not out of faith but because it looked good. We went on Christmas and Easter and a few other times during the year. But, we weren't what you would call regulars.


The church we went to confirmed kids when they got to the seventh grade. To be confirmed, you had to go to special classes for a year. My parents decided that my twin and I would have to go. (I'm thankful for that because it is one of the ways God drew me to Himself.) However, they didn't want to go with us. So, they took to dropping us off and picking us up and were genuinely surprised we liked it and even asked to go to youth group.

I was extremely shy and quiet. I didn't necessarily mix all that well with the other kids. However, I craved the interaction with the youth leaders. But even this was overshadowed by how quiet I was.


Every Sunday morning all the youth gathered to pray together before heading to Sunday school. About 40 of us stood in a circle and held hands and one or two people prayed. One Sunday Bob came up to me and said, "I'm going to have you pray for us." Fear over rode my normal respect for authority. I told him that I couldn't. He told me that I could. I told him that I couldn't. We went back and forth with this about four times before he turned and walked away.


Everyone circles up. Bob announces, "Amy is going to open us in prayer this morning." Silence. Absolute silence unless you count the sound of my heart. You see we only prayed twice a year at my house -- Thanksgiving and Christmas. And then it was always my dad who said the prayer. So, I had never prayed out loud. Bob announced for a second time that I was going to pray. I was mute and totally crimson. Another youth leader finally jumped in and opened the morning with prayer.


I tell that story not because Bob was a bad guy. Though, I do think his approach was a bit misguided. I tell it more because I took him totally off guard. I still catch people off guard. I bend, bend, bend, bend, SNAP -- they've run into a brick wall. They are always surprised when they suddenly meet resistance.

Some people would call it sheer stubbornness. There is probably some of that in there. But when you're on the same side of the brick wall as me, you're likely to see it as perseverance. Stubbornness and perseverance are, I believe, two sides of the same coin.

I've been thinking about it some the last couple of weeks. Without some perseverance, some stubbornness even, I don't know that I would have survived. There had to be some core of hope willing to hang on to every shred of light that sliced into my darkness.

At other times, I may be my own worst enemy. For example, in the youth group story. Bob pushed. While that wasn't the right thing, my reaction was to swing completely and totally the other direction and never look back. I didn't pray out loud in a group until my sophomore year in college. What sweet times of fellowship did I miss out on all those years?

Even now there is a situation I am trying to make heads or tails of. I guess the question that may shed the light on it is what is the posture of my heart? Is it a hope filled response (perseverance) or a fear filled one (stubbornness)? I'm not sure yet, but it is something to ponder.