It Matters to the One

I learned recently of a person where I work who has been in the hospital for several weeks with an aneurysm. He is out of benefit time and has a wife, two small children, and a baby on the way. Today they had a bake sale for him. (I made peanut butter - oatmeal -- chocolate chunk cookies.) But as I was baking, I just had to sigh. Will cookies really make that much difference? How can a bake sale replace lost wages or pay all the bills.

Can it take care of all the needs? Probably not, but . . . .

I looked at my phone. It has a picture on it of a starfish. The reason I put that on was a story I heard long ago about starfish being washed up on a beach during a storm. They littered the beach. A child was throwing the starfish back into the ocean. A man came up and chided the child, "That doesn't make a difference. You will never be able to throw them all back in."

I imagine the child's response as she threw another starfish as far as she could. "No. But it matters to the one."

I put that on my phone to remind myself that I may not make a huge difference in the world, but I can impact those around me.

And baking cookies may not answer all the problems, but it matters even if it simply means that someone cares.

And I am going to throw another starfish now and ask you to pray for Josh and his family. Pray of healing, pray for God to sustain them financially, emotionally, spiritually, and pray for hope.

A Call to be Nehemiah

I became a Christian in junior high. It was a sincere and heart felt decision. I am grateful to the youth group leaders.

I became more fully grounded (Are we ever fully done growing?) during my college years when I got involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. College is a time when every student is bombarded with new freedoms, new ways of looking at things, new responsibilities.

InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF), Navigators, Campus Crusade, and a host of other organizations are on campus to help students navigate unfamiliar waters and consistently point to God.

In one week, the Supreme Court of the United States will be hearing arguments and making a ruling that may forever change the face of campus ministry. I got the following information from my friend Sandy's prayer letter. If you want these organizations to still be there for your sons and daughters, will you pray that God would lead the justices of our nations highest court to look favorably on His servants? Will you pray like Nehemiah did?

On April 19, 2010, the nine justices of the U.S. Supreme Court are scheduled to hear arguments in the case of the Christian Legal Society v Martinez. InterVaristy is among a large number of organizations who have filed 34 amicus (friend of the court) briefs in this case. The justices decision will have a major impact on campus ministyr.

The ruling in this case will impact every chapter of CLS, every chapter of InterVarsity, and every other Christian campus ministry. That's why 17 other organizations adn 13 state attorney generals have urged the justices to make a ruling that protects the rights of religious groups to set their own member ship and leadership requirements. The ruling will either allow these groups to operate the same as all other campus organizations, or it will allow state colleges and universities to deny recognition to Christian groups on their campuses. We covet your prayer. Further information can be found at www.intervarsity.org/news/campus-faith-freedom-alert or click here.

Thanks for praying!

Something to Think About

Just wanted to post really quick and ask all of you to pray about something. I received an email yesterday that had an opportunity inside. The person who emailed me asked me to pray about it, so I'm asking you to pray as well.

Honestly, my first inclination, is "Yes!" But I do want to ask God what He thinks too. While I am good at my job and such, I often wish that it was something I could really put my heart into. This is not a new job, but it could be an on going ministry and it could be something I could invest my heart in.

So, I'm praying for a few days. I do want discernment that will over ride my gut level response if that is what God wants. If not, I'd love to hear a "Go for it!" from God too.

Sorry. I don't feel like I should say much more than that right now.

Thanks for praying.

Big Stuff from Short Stuff

I had a lesson in faith today at church. Actually, there were several distinct things. I will just briefly share one. Perhaps, more later.

Lydia is a very petite little girl. I think that she might be 5 or so. Yes, 5-year-olds come in small packages. But even for a 5-year-old, she is tiny with big eyes and long blond hair.

God was speaking to me in several ways this morning. In the end, the tears won out. As I was trying to pull myself together, Lydia walked up to me. (I know her but not well.) When I bent down, she said, "I need you to pray for me. I've got a really bad cough. I don't feel good."

So, I wrapped my arms around her and prayed that the Good Doctor would come and take away her cough, make her feel better, and give her good rest. I promised on would pray for her this week.

I've been very introspective lately, God is working on me in some areas. But God used Lydia to remind me that it's okay to ask for prayers and to do so totally anticipating an answer.

Will you pray for me? I'm hearing God in many ways right now. Some ways are quite difficult, but I am trying to listen and respond appropriately. Pray that I will be quick to listen and obey the promptings I hear.

What Taste Do You Leave Behind?

Everyone has experienced it. They go to eat or drink something and have that lingering bad taste. (One for me is drinking orange juice too soon after brushing my teeth. Yuck!) Somethings looks good but just doesn't measure up.

Today at the office we had a customer. She was frustrated with the remodeling process we are in. It honestly couldn't be helped. Then she was frustrated about something else. I asked her exactly what she was looking for and she blew a gasket when I told her that our office wouldn't have the information she was looking for. I suggested another office and got a lecture about how that information had to be saved for 50 years. She stayed and continued looking for it in our office.

I walked down to the office I had suggested to see if they would be able to help her. As I was asking, she came storming in, demanding the info. Well, she was wrong about the statute. The info only needed to be kept 20 years and they were more than willing to do the search for it for her but it wouldn't get done that day.

I discretely left. She came back and spent the day in my office fuming over everything. At one point the person from the other office called me and asked, "Was she completely rude to you?" I simply said, "Yes, and she is still here."

She left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. We really try to be helpful, but there are systems in place and things can't always be done the way someone would like.

Such is customer service.

But it isn't just customer service. It happens with friends and coworkers and people at church. I recently got some feedback about the taste I leave behind at times. I can be stubborn and sometimes harsh. No, this feedback did not elicit a good response. The wall went up and I said, "What about . . . ." It was/is a legitimate "What about . . . ." The problem is that it showed an unwillingness to look at my part in things. I need to own my stuff regardless of if so-and-so owns theirs.

But that is hard to do. Will you pray for me for a humble heart and that I consistently choose to leave behind a good taste or a beautiful fragrance in my wake.

40 to 40 (Gratitude 18)

When I was a senior in college, my sister and I started a small group with four freshmen women. The group blossomed to 20! I Whole heatedly believe that it was because we prayed.

When it was just the six of us, we prayed that more people would come and held each other accountable to inviting others. When people started coming, that core group of six started meeting at 7:00 AM one day a week to continue interceding for the group. It was an amazing time of fellowship and we were astounded at how God brought people to us and how bold He made some of us in inviting others to join us.

I am grateful that God hears our prayers and is moved by them. Not only that, I am grateful that the Holy Spirit sometimes prompts us to pray for others, helping us to join in God's plans.

When You Give Someone a Cookie

The other night I was reading Lisa Whittle's post. She always makes me think. It was about how one of her dear friends didn't like her initially. Ouch. But this woman decided to pray for her. Now, she is one of those friends that Lisa can call any time.

I had taped a show Friday night called Flashpoint. It's a new cop type show. Given that everything else is reruns, I decided to tape it. I finally got around to watching it. Here's the storyline. A man gets the page letting him know that he should rush his daughter to the hospital for a heart transplant. They get there and settled in only to find out that there was a mix up and the heart is going to someone else. The dad has been up for three days straight in a vigil over his dying daughter. The stress breaks him. He grabs a security guy's gun and takes hostages.

Of course, that is when they call in the team. I haven't watched it enough to know the names of everyone yet. But "Head Guy" goes in to negotiate with him. Others are watching him on the monitor. The dad wants the TV turned back on for his daughter. Rule #1, never give a hostage taker anything without getting something in return. So, Head Guy asks dad to ask each person if they are okay. He does this but skips the man on gurney who is slated to get the heart. Head Guy says, "What about him? Is he okay?" He encourages dad to ask him.

The rest of the team who are watching debrief this for us. It turns out that one of the tactics is to make the hostage into a person. By having dad ask the hostage if he is okay, the hostage begins to become a person rather than a means to an end.

Lisa's post fit right in with this. It made me think of work. One woman works in another office. One day when I was still very new, she came in the back door, walked to my desk, and demanded that I look something up for her. I was in the process of leaving and I was use to people going to the counter. I got really flustered and was offended by her tone. I managed to find what she needed but decided that I didn't like her at all. After she left, they explained who she was and all, but it didn't help me liking her.

A couple months ago I made my famous chocolate chip cookies. (I'm probably overly proud of them.) I took some to the office. As I was taking a short break, God prompted me to put three on a little plate and take them down to this woman. From that time forward, every time I walk by she waves. If she comes into the office, she stops to talk to me. When you give someone a cookie or a prayer or a smile, sometimes you forge a connection because you have made them human.

I've probably used this C.S. Lewis quote before, but I think it sums things up so nicely that I'll use it again.

It is a serious thing to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship or else a horror and a corruption such as you meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long, we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of those overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealing with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people.

When we remember another's humanness, we treat them with more humanity. When we remember that they may have things going on in their lives that we know nothing about, we can respond with mercy and kindness. When we treat them with respect even when we might not feel respected, we give them dignity. When we offer kindness, we never know what doors God will open up.

The Parable of the Sturdy Pillar

Once there was a big beautiful palace. In the center of that palace was an ornate room of the kind you only find in fairy tales. In the middle of that room was a large and very sturdy pillar. It was beautiful pillar, but it it was just a pillar. And as with some stable things in our lives, it was sometimes taken for granted.

One day, the king looked at the pillar and called for the carpenter. "Here now, I think I need a bit more room in here. Be a good chap and shave a bit off the right side of that pillar." So, that is what the carpenter did. He painted it all up and no one ever knew the difference. They barely noticed the slight wobble in the floor above.

Many years later, the queen was planning a ball. She wanted plenty of room for dancing. She called for the carpenter. "I need more room. Please take a bit off the left side of that pillar."So that is what the carpenter did. He painted it all up and no one ever knew the difference.

Several years later, the prince was having a fencing tournament. He thought he needed more room. So, he gave a royal command to the carpenter to take just a bit more off that pillar. So, that is what the carpenter did. He painted it all up and no one ever knew the difference. Though, when the wind blew off the ocean in just the right way and one was on the floor above, some thought they could feel the floor shake just a bit. But everyone knew this was nonsense because it was a well built palace and had a nice sturdy pillar in the middle of the room below.

As you might have guessed, there was also a princess. She was getting married. So, of course, she wanted her wedding in that very special room with that pillar. But there were so many guests that there wasn't quite enough room for all the chairs. She looked at that pillar and called for the carpenter. "The wedding is only a few days away. Quick now, I need more room. Take some off the pillar." So, though he thought better of it, that is what the carpenter did. But he was beginning to wonder how much more he could take off that pillar and still call it a pillar.

The night of the wedding all the quests were assembled. The bride and groom exchanged vows. So that everyone in the kingdom would know the wedding had taken place, the king commanded that 100 drums and 100 trumpets ring out. So, at just the right moment just before the kiss, the king gave the signal and the drums and trumpets rang out. They were so loud the whole room, the whole palace reverberated.

With a sudden crash, the ceiling gave way. The guests below just barely escaped. And the king called for his carpenter in a fury. He asked, "How could you let this happen? I thought this was a solidly built palace and with a sturdy pillar at the center!"

The carpenter stood tall. "I only obeyed royal orders, sire. But it seems that every few years someone commands that I take just a bit more off that pillar. But no one ever stopped and asked or gave a thought as to what that pillar might be holding up!"

The moral of the story: Before you move a pillar or shave anything off, be sure you know why it was put there and what it might be holding up. If you are careless and whittle a pillar away, you may find yourself scrambling when the ceiling gives way.

There are, of course, many pillars in our lives: diet, exercise, learning, and such. But more importantly, are the spiritual pillars like time with God, prayer, and meeting with other believers. But just like the royal family, we whittle away our pillars. We get up too late for a quiet time. When a friend asks for a prayer, we promise to do it later but other things crowd it out of our mind. Sometimes we think, "Sunday is a day of rest, so I'll just stay here a bit longer. God wake me up if you want me to go to church." Or we may think that listening to Christian music is enough to turn our minds to God and things above.

But God is our pillar. When we let things whittle away the spiritual pillars of our lives, we shave away important pieces of our life with Him.

Be careful not to move a pillar without finding out exactly what it is holding up or you know exactly what you are giving up! Thus ends the parable of the sturdy pillar.




Disclaimer: Can't say that I've ever tried to write a parable before, but the thought stuck with me and I thought I would try it out on all of you!

Sign Post

Sometimes I am really struck by someone's post. Early this morning or last night (my life is a blur at the moment) I read this post at Lysa's. I know many of you read Lysa's blog already. But if you haven't read this post on prayer and some behind the things at She Speaks, click here and read away.

I've done this "Sign post" thing once or twice before. I may have to do it more. There are some amazing things going on out there and I would hate for you to miss them.

Two Sides of the Same Coin -- Hope Chronicles 25

Last night at the bookstore, I was talking to a coworker. I told him that on Saturday I had purchased a hula hoop and that I was teaching one of my cats, Mali, to jump through it. He remarked, "You can't teach a cat tricks." (For photographic proof see Mali doing "up".) I told him that I had, and that Mali had walked through the hoop numerous times and jumped through twice. His response: "Are you sure she just wasn't humoring you?" Maybe, but I'll take it.

Dogs are pack animals and probably do perform out of a desire to please as well as accompanying treats. The only cat that lives in a group is a lion. So, cats are fairly independent. It can be a trick to figure out their motivation and harness it. Our motives in things are often mixed. I think Mali enjoys the interaction as well as the treats....

My parents were always very concerned about appearances. As a result, they belonged to a local church not out of faith but because it looked good. We went on Christmas and Easter and a few other times during the year. But, we weren't what you would call regulars.


The church we went to confirmed kids when they got to the seventh grade. To be confirmed, you had to go to special classes for a year. My parents decided that my twin and I would have to go. (I'm thankful for that because it is one of the ways God drew me to Himself.) However, they didn't want to go with us. So, they took to dropping us off and picking us up and were genuinely surprised we liked it and even asked to go to youth group.

I was extremely shy and quiet. I didn't necessarily mix all that well with the other kids. However, I craved the interaction with the youth leaders. But even this was overshadowed by how quiet I was.


Every Sunday morning all the youth gathered to pray together before heading to Sunday school. About 40 of us stood in a circle and held hands and one or two people prayed. One Sunday Bob came up to me and said, "I'm going to have you pray for us." Fear over rode my normal respect for authority. I told him that I couldn't. He told me that I could. I told him that I couldn't. We went back and forth with this about four times before he turned and walked away.


Everyone circles up. Bob announces, "Amy is going to open us in prayer this morning." Silence. Absolute silence unless you count the sound of my heart. You see we only prayed twice a year at my house -- Thanksgiving and Christmas. And then it was always my dad who said the prayer. So, I had never prayed out loud. Bob announced for a second time that I was going to pray. I was mute and totally crimson. Another youth leader finally jumped in and opened the morning with prayer.


I tell that story not because Bob was a bad guy. Though, I do think his approach was a bit misguided. I tell it more because I took him totally off guard. I still catch people off guard. I bend, bend, bend, bend, SNAP -- they've run into a brick wall. They are always surprised when they suddenly meet resistance.

Some people would call it sheer stubbornness. There is probably some of that in there. But when you're on the same side of the brick wall as me, you're likely to see it as perseverance. Stubbornness and perseverance are, I believe, two sides of the same coin.

I've been thinking about it some the last couple of weeks. Without some perseverance, some stubbornness even, I don't know that I would have survived. There had to be some core of hope willing to hang on to every shred of light that sliced into my darkness.

At other times, I may be my own worst enemy. For example, in the youth group story. Bob pushed. While that wasn't the right thing, my reaction was to swing completely and totally the other direction and never look back. I didn't pray out loud in a group until my sophomore year in college. What sweet times of fellowship did I miss out on all those years?

Even now there is a situation I am trying to make heads or tails of. I guess the question that may shed the light on it is what is the posture of my heart? Is it a hope filled response (perseverance) or a fear filled one (stubbornness)? I'm not sure yet, but it is something to ponder.

Another NIU Update

Thanks to so many of you who have told me that you are praying about if I am to go or not. I really appreciate it! But I don't know much more than I knew a few days ago.

Most of today I have been thinking that since I haven't heard anything yet that God was closing that door. But apparently He is just saying "Wait a little longer to know." I am not organized, and one of my best vacations was done with very little planning aside from arriving and leaving! However, I do like to know those big picture things. And this is very different from a vacation!

Tonight, I got this email from the Illinois Counseling Association:

First, I would like to thank every one of you who so selflessly offered your time and expertise to assist NIU during theis crucial period.

I know many of you are anxiously waiting to know if your services will be needed, so I would like to update you on the status of the volunteer drive.

All information has been forwarded to NIU for the scheduling process. NIU is currently in the process of telephoning volunteers with specific assignments. Those who are contacted will be asked to attend a special orientation on Sunday, Feb 24 at 2 PM.

It is our understanding that LPCs, LCPCs, LSWs, LCSWs, and Licensed Psychologists who volunteered and had availability on Monday and Tuesday of this next week, when NIUs students return, and, who have indicated that they can be available for large blocks of time (eg: all day Monday, all day Tuesday, or both) are among those most likely to be contacted. (We have received word that volunteers that signed up from our database are among those contacted so far.

So, it looks as if I still might go or I might stay home. Either way, I know I will be praying. But I do hope to hear something tomorrow if I am to go. I'm sure they would like to know at work and I'm suppose to run power point at church on Sunday so I would need to get someone to cover . . . . And then there are the cats to be taken care of. But all of these things are things that God can easily take care of. Please keep praying for me and everyone involved -- students, faculty, administrators, volunteers, parents . . . .

NIU -- Update

A couple of days ago, I mentioned the possibility of going to NIU for when classes resume as a volunteer counselor. I have more information, but it is still up in the air. I've submitted my name as willing to go and I'm just waiting to hear back. I will keep you updated if I go or not -- whatever is in God's plan.

Either way, please keep praying for the entire campus and all the volunteers that will go. All sense of safety has to have shattered. Imagine being in class one day . . . . a place you felt safe . . . . I imagine there is fear and anxiety on the parts of many students and parents as they anticipate school resuming next Monday.

Pray for God's peace.

Warming the Heart

It is cold in central Illinois today. I don't just mean a little cold. I mean down right bitter. I think it was suppose to be -3 last night and that probably wasn't taking into account the wind chill. With the wind, the cold bites right into the bone!

So, I think my dear Katy has the right idea. Curl up in a patch of sun and try to stay warm.

Today in church God brought to mind my first year at Crosswinds. I had abandonned church for a time and I think that when I acutally started going again, I was afraid of getting zapped for stepping in the door. I'm glad to say that didn't happen!

From what I understand, Crosswinds has always been a praying church. When I started going they had several weeks where they did a lot of prayer ministry at the end of the service. For someone who was afraid of getting zapped, this really set me on edge. It wasn't that I was theologically opposed or even that it was a holy roller kind of thing. It was actually somewhat sedate. But every time it happened I wanted to flee. To be honest, there were a number of times I did. For whatever reason, I just couldn't tolerate it. Looking back, it seems silly now, but that is where I was at.

They didn't pray every week at the end of service. However, I started getting vibes about it. Seriously, I did. At that point they had 2 services. Sometimes I would turn to my friend who went to both services and ask, "They're going to pray aren't they?" She said that they weren't going to, that they hadn't prayed during first hour. But as sure as I would say it, it would happen. I cannot explain it. But it was if God was whispering in my ear before service even started. I believe He was attempting to prepare me so I could respond appropriately.

Eventually, I did learn to respond appropriately and listen when He was speaking to me. In May 2004, I was over come with an urge to write one Sunday during service. It was a compulsion. So I wrote all around the margins of the bulletin and squeezed things in here and there.

Typically, when I write, the general idea flows, but there are "do overs" and scratch marks and what not as I make changes and perfect it. A friend can attest that this is what I wrote without the "do overs". Rather than what I typically think of as writing, this seemed more like dictation.

Give Me Your Past

I cannot have your present and future unless you give me your past . . .
It shackles you and you limp along
You try, but where you could dance, you crawl,
where you could run, you stumble and fall.
Why do you hold so tight to a bush of thorns in the cold
when I could hold you have wrap you in blankets of softness?
I cannot have your present and future unless you give me your past . . .
You do well by the world's standards.
Imagine what you might do if you didn't wear those chains.
How much more might you glorify me?
How many people would be blessed if I had all of you?
What would you have seen if you could have looked through my eyes?
What would have changed . . .
when you taught My Word
when you ministered to others
when you studied
when you prayed
when you interacted with your family or even
when you looked on the hurting.
How much more might have been done?
I cannot have your present and future unless you give me your past . . .
Let go of the bush of thorns.
Let me put salv on your wounds and hold you close.
Let go of the past and embrace me instead.
Let go of your fears. Let me deal with them. Look at me, not them.
I cannot have your present and future until you give me your past . . .
While the past won't change,
I can change what it means for you
and even that may be used for me

Amy Brooke -- May 2004
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Corinthians 5:17

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenword in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:14

It was a difficult week on an emotional level. Sometimes when it is a difficult emotionally, my heart kind of freezes up. I believe God brought this to mind to help my heart thaw a bit. Just as things that happened 30 years ago are in the past, so is last week. I can move on from here.

May God warm your heart today where ever you need it most.

The Determined Life

I don’t know what I was thinking except that I needed to do something completely different to get out of the particular hole I was in the summer of 2001. (Unfortunately, having struggled with major depression and posttraumatic stress disorder for 28 years, there have been lots of holes!) I had found in the past that learning a new skill, something in which to invest the intensity of my emotions, often helped. Knowing nothing about horses and having been led around on one only twice in my life, I showed up at the stables in a nearby town and they put me on a horse named Streak. Once upon a time, he had been quite the horse and won awards. Now, he was a dutiful lesson horse and the instructor taught me how to groom him, sit properly (More complicated than you might think!) and walk him in big, lazy circles. At some point as I rhythmically swayed in the saddle, I intrinsically knew that I had found my next new skill to learn. Little did I know that I would learn a lot about life as well!

The next week, I was put on another lesson horse, Eddie. Eddie was the largest horse in the stable and had an insatiable appetite. Hay was kept above our heads at one end of the arena. When Eddie went by, he often had the tenacity to stop, crane his neck up, and have a snack. They called it “Eddie's drive through.” I quickly learned that I had to have Eddie's full attention and a certain amount of momentum when we were near that hay to keep him from stopping! Eddie, however, quickly became my most trusted partner.

By April 2002 I was learning to jump. You start out trotting over poles on the ground and then they get raised. Eventually I jumped 18 inch to 2 foot jumps even in a series of 8-10 jumps. It was so like flying!

I confess that I initially thought jumping was all about the horse and that I was just along for the ride. Nothing could be further from the truth! Just as dogs are pack animals, horses are herd animals. As long as the rider has established herself as the leader, they take their cues from the rider. I was amazed to find out that Eddie could tell where I was looking. Did you catch that? I was on top of him and he could tell where I was looking? It was if sitting a string ran from my backbone to his. When I looked a certain way, that is the way he would go. When I turned my head, my shoulders turned as well. My body position changed and this clued him in.

While Eddie trotted willingly over the poles on the ground, I found that he often came to a dead stop even with poles inches off the ground. Unfortunately, this had hard results for me. At least twice, I went on over the jump without Eddie!

The lesson learned - always look where you are going! When riding to a jump, look up and over it and onto the next one and past that one . . . . When I looked down at the jump, he didn't know where to go. Being rather old and disinclined to work, he was more than happy to stop until I figured it out!

In the animal kingdom, there are a few means of protection. One is camouflage. If a predator can't see you, he can't eat you. Then there is fight. This one is typically the last resort for most animals. And there is flight. Horses are flight animals. They spook easily. In herds, there is always a lookout. They run if frightened.

This also played into the jumping. Eddie could tell if I was nervous or scared. (Remember the string?) My nervousness usually played out all over my body. When we came to a jump and I seemed unsure, Eddie decided (though he had jumped higher millions of times) that he wasn't sure either. So, stopping and looking at the scary jump (that he could merely step over) made more sense than attempting it!

Look where you are going. Ride the next two jumps and not just the one in front of you.

This is biblical as well. I believe it is what Jesus did when He went to the cross. The Bible teaches that Jesus died willingly for us. He chose to do it. But it also tells us that in garden the night He was arrested, He prayed that God would take this cup from Him. He felt enough anxiety about it that his sweat was like blood. Luke 22:44 says, "And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." (NIV) He was feeling enough anxiety, anguish, that the stress caused the capillaries in his body to begin to break.

So, what kept Him from fleeing when He knew what was coming? Hebrews 12:2 says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (NIV) What was the joy set before Him? It was a couple of things. First, it was being reunited with His Heavenly Father. Second, it was looking down through time at you and me. We are the joy set before Him.

I confess that I have wasted many of my 39 years looking at life’s jumps. Okay, the truth is, I’ve wasted too much time looking longingly into life’s arena rather than even attempting riding. Once I started riding in the arena of life, I’ve found myself paralyzed by fear and anxiety, unable to step over the smallest hurdle let alone tackle the higher jumps.

I had to learn to ride Eddie with determination and look beyond the jumps. Now, I am learning how to live with determination. I will not be defined by life’s tragedies and circumstances. I will be defined by the One who paid so dearly for me.

How does this play out in day to day life or when I am in a major depressive episode? Several things come to mind.

• Stay close to God through prayer and scripture.


• Keep scripture always in front of you. A friend has been encouraging me for several years to write out scripture on index cards and stash them all over the house, the car, at work, . . . . I’m finally doing it!


• Lean into a community of believers. Riders in shows or on the Olympics always look pristine. However, the truth is that horseback riding is downright dirty! Stables are dirty and dusty and horses sweat! I like to be clean, but I found caring for Eddie was a joy. I liked the intimacy of the moments spent brushing him down. Being in a community of believes means getting down and dirty too! Share your dirt and let someone help brush it away and do it for them!


• Look past the jumps! Maybe it is a struggle with weight, problems with you marriage or a friend or a child, conflict, health issues, things from the past, or depression. It’s hard work, but choose how you think. I literally had to think my way over the jumps while riding. Now, I have to do it in life as well. I struggle so much with negative thoughts that this year I’ve committed to writing weekly on some aspect of hope to combat that negative pull.
  
  Above all else, fix your eyes on Jesus. He is the joy set before us!
  
  *I certify that this is an original work. It is reworked from a blog posted on 1/12/08 on this site. If selected, I give Proverbs 31 permission to use this work.