First To Say "Hello"

I went to the mall today. Apparently, there is something wrong with my X chromosomes because I avoid the mall at all costs. I'm devoid of the "female shopping" gene. In fact, I don't remember the last time I went to the mall. No -- it wasn't at Christmas. It had to be way before that! (To pay for Christmas this year, I got a part time, seasonal job at Barnes and Noble. So, practically everyone, with very few exceptions, got something I could pick up there. The pay could be better, but the discount was really nice!)

But, a friend is having a birthday soon and I hadn't run across anything yet to get her. (No luck at the mall either! Which means I may have to go back and look some more or think of something creative.) Shopping for me is a sprinting event. First, you need to know exactly where you are going. Second, you devise the plan as how to get there and get out. Third, you only look at the things that jump out and bite you! Unfortunately, that technique doesn't always work.

I was walking briskly through Kohls, scanning things. A high pitched little voice exclaimed, "Hi!" I slowed and realized that the tyke in the stroller was talking to another woman who was passing. She yelled, "Hi!" again to the woman. As I neared, she shouted, "Hi!" to me as well. "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Being an all around kid-friendly person, I slowed and smiled and said, "Hi, there!" This delighted her. She turned to watch as I passed -- yelling her greeting. I waved and smiled.

Really, she was irresistible. Who could not respond to such a friendly greeting?

But it got me to thinking. I wondered if she will always be the kind of person who is the first to say, "Hello!" or if something will shift as she grows up. Honestly, I hope it doesn't.

I don't know that I was ever the kind of child who would go through a store cheerily shouting, "Hi!" I was pretty shy and reserved and didn't do much to call attention to myself. But I wish I had been that kind of child and I definitely wish I was that kind of adult.

Here is a question for you. Are you the kind of person who is always the first to say, "Hello" or are you the kind who waits to see what the waters hold? That is to say, the kind who waits for another to initiate.

I am the later. As I've thought about it today, I think it is largely fear based. There's less rejection if I don't "put myself out there" by saying, "Hi!" I think it also shows more of a concern with my comfort than yours. Who wouldn't want a friendly greeting?

With awareness comes responsibility. So, I guess I need to work on my friendly "Hello" for tomorrow. Who knows what will come of it when I am willing to risk and willing to put someone else's comfort ahead of my own? I think it is what God is calling me to.

So, let's start now -- "Hello there!"

Say It All Out Loud

Last year it snowed right before Valentine's Day and it snowed the day of. It snowed so much the night before, I thought we would have to change our Valentine's plans. While it was still dreadfully cold, the snow relented and Bill and I and Mark and Jill made it to the dinner theater/show. (Jill lost her gloves somewhere there. We never did find them, but it made picking out a birthday present easy for her for later in the month. )

I remember being in a bit of a tizzy about what to get Bill for Valentine's Day. Having never dated much, I didn't have a clue. What would say to much? What wouldn't say enough? We had only been dating since November and had navigated Christmas and then his birthday January 14th. For Christmas I got him a Bible that helps you read it through in a year and the book I helped write. He had been asking to read it, but I was shy about giving it to him. I made him promise to read the whole thing and not just my chapters. (And he did, but he read my chapters first!) For his birthday he got slippers. Okay, that's kind of a practical gift. I typically like presents to have meaning behind them. But we were at the mall and he looked at them and really liked them and had been complaining for a month about the hole in his. Oh, and we also spent a whole day together in Chicago.

A month later, Valentine's rolls around. As I said before, I didn't have much experience in this holiday. Nothing jumped out at me. There was nothing he needed or hinted that he wanted. So, I had to get creative. I decided on two things. The first was making a peanut butter pie. I had never had one and definitely had never made one. But he had always talked about how good his mother's was. His mother had passed away a number of years before and there was no way to get that recipe. I don't think Bill even had it. I scoured the internet and came up with a simple pie recipe and decorated it with a Hershey Kisses shaped in a heart. The second gift was a heart felt letter.

I think they were good gifts. They made sense to me on an emotional level and I hoped they had meaning. But looking back, I also think the letter was my way of not taking a risk. I never heard my parents say, "I love you." I never saw any affection between them. Navigating this was really uncharted territory. So, I did what I felt safe with. I wrote.

Bill passed away unexpectedly the end of April last year. While I did manage to say, "I love you" at times, I never said it as much as I thought it. I never said it with as much depth as I wrote it or felt it. It was my fear of rejection or looking silly or sappy or whatever that kept me from it. But I knew that Bill longed to hear it. So, I wish instead of writing it that I had read it to him. I wish that I had said it out loud with all the depth there was behind it.

Whatever it is, say it out loud or in whatever way the person you love (children, friends, spouse) will hear it best. Don't let fear or embarrassment or whatever holds you back rob you and them. Say it out loud! Life is too short not to.

Hope Skates -- Hope Chronicles 3

Yesterday, I turned 39. I had a very busy birthday. My friend, Jill, took me to lunch. She knows that I am concentrating on hope, so she made me a lovely bookmark with the word hope attached to it. And it was good just to talk about it some with her. It struck me later that I said, “I’m working on it . . . .” Yes, hope is something that can be worked on. It’s making a determination to change your mindset. That takes a lot of work.

While yesterday was a very good day, today I was reminded of how far I have to go in the hope, grace, and faith departments. I knew it was snowing last night. So, when I woke up this morning, I knew I would have to shovel my way out. Before getting ready for church, I pulled on some jeans and boots and headed outside. I was dismayed by the amount of snow we had gotten. Actually, the way my drive is situated, a lot of snow blows into my drive way in huge drifts. Not only was it a lot of snow, it was heavy.

Shoveling made me think about Bill, a friend who died last spring. He spent last winter shoveling my drive for me. As a result, I turned a bit melancholy.

Then I went in to shower and change and realized that there were problems with the toilet. After 15 minutes, things got fixed, but I was even more miserable.

I arrived at church being glad that it was an “off” Sunday for me. I run power point for the service 1-2 times a month. I was looking forward to just receiving and not worrying about cues and flow and all of that. But, there was a monkey wrench in things and I ended up needing to put the slides together in under 10 minutes and run the show. I confess that my heart was not in a good place. I cried through a few of the songs, staring resolutely at the screen and hoping the sound person wouldn’t notice.

I had a choice. I think I made the wrong one today. I let the situations get the best of me. Instead of fixing my eyes on Jesus, I looked at my circumstances. I missed out on an opportunity to serve with a grateful heart. I missed out on counting my blessings when my thoughts turned melancholy with the snow.

Hope is active. It is often a choice.

The other part of my birthday I spent with some children I really enjoy. Six of them I know well: Kolya (13), Austin (11), Alex (10), Addie (7), Elena (7), and Grace (5). I do things with them on a regular basis – but usually in sets of 2! Last year, I took Kolya, Austin, and Alex ice-skating. They loved it. I’m a horrible skater, but I enjoyed how much they liked it. My friend, Allison, went along. (She is Grace and Elena’s mom.) I figured the price out and for the group discount we needed 10 and it would mean 2 more could go for $2.00 more than what we would pay for 8. So, I called up Erica (9) and James (7) to see if they wanted to come. I didn’t think they had probably ever been, so I thought it would be a treat.

It was. Everyone seemed like they had a good time. But it struck me after church today, how hope skates. I think hope skates like James and Addie. It was the first time for both of them. They were fearless. When they fell, they got right back up and shot off again. No holding onto the wall for them!

It’s not that we should never be cautious. It’s just that sometimes our caution keeps us stuck by the wall rather than whizzing around the rink. Hope takes risks because in the end it trusts that things will be okay. It says, “I may fall, but I can get back up.” It says, “I know the ONE who will always give me a hand up.”

There is a certain abandon about hope. Hope skates without the wall.