Thursday, May 22, 2008

Notes to Myself

I've been in the midst of some conflict lately. As with most things, it seems like it comes in waves. Today, I am meeting with a friend to try and sort out the mess of the last couple of months.Sigh. I both want to meet, think we need to meet, and dread it. Part of the problem is that I think we both know how to push the other's buttons. So, I need to choose not to allow those buttons to get activated.

A little over a year ago, I was in a conflict with someone else. We met with a neutral third party to work it out. I wrote notes to myself on index cards. Some were just a sentence or two about an issue that needed to be addressed, a prompt for myself to keep me on track. I find that sometimes in conflict I can chase rabbit trails.

Every 2-3 cards I had something totally different written on a card. It had nothing to do with the conflict at hand. It had everything to do with me. Here is some of what I wrote:

  • Listen. Really listen.
  • You DO NOT have to be right.
  • Speak in love, not anger
  • Listen with your heart
I think the other person was a bit put off that I had come with a stack of note cards. I think they thought that all the cards were issues I had with them. No, they were reminders for myself.

I've made a few notes to myself again. Hopefully, when I feel myself getting pulled in, digging my heels in and wanting to win, I can glance at a note and be reminded of a better way to respond

5 comments:

Nicki said...

I like your list. I think it's perfect for conflict. I hate conflict....hate it SOOOO much. But I loved your "You DO NOT have to right." That's just so true! If both people didn't have to be right there would be no problem!! =)

heather said...

I will be praying for you Amy. I am heading to a couples counseling session with my husband... so i totally understand the conflict thing... i am going to need the same reminders that you do. Mind if i borrow them so that i remember them?
God bless,
Heather

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know you will be in my prayers! I hope you can resolve this conflict soon and even if you don't be assured that you have done the right thing and spoken to this person with love and respect. Those cards are a great idea. I look forward to reading some more posts they are written with so much thought and insight. God is really working through you.

tiggerdaisy said...

What a great idea! :) I like the whole reminder thing...you go girl! I pray that everything works out for you with the meeting you are about to have (or maybe have already had).

Also, I've read the article you sent me the link for...really good. You write like you are having a conversation. I like that. I really liked the message of honesty. :)

Prayers and Blessings!
Rebecca

Heather@Mommymonk said...

I've been there before. I can totally relate to needing index cards, but I love the twist you've given to that. Instead of trying to make sure you cover all of your grievances, you're making sure you let God cover them all.