Breaking the Surface

I remember laughing as I went down the slide. It emptied into a shallow pool half way down and then you got on another slide and went the rest of the way. At the first pool, I let myself go totally under. And then it happened. I somehow got disoriented and could not find my way up. I remember running my hand over the blue bottom. Or maybe it was the blue wall. Whatever it was, it did not help. My heart pounded and I had the fleeting thought that I was going to drown in that shallow pool because I could not get my feet under me. I could not break the water's surface.

I don't remember how I managed to find my way up. But I came up coughing and sputtering. The guard asked me if I was okay and told me that he was starting to worry.

I feel a bit like that emotionally. It has been a hard month as a result of a medication change and some family conflict. (My doctor warned me that tapering off the med might be like major PMS. And it has taken over a month!) Largely it has manifested itself in forgetfulness and difficulty processing with some tears thrown in.

I feel like I've been riding down that slide all month. Last Thursday night I hit that shallow pool and I've struggled to break the surface of all the emotions. Friday I was weepy but I pulled it together. The emotions pulled at me on Saturday. Sunday I burst into tears after a meeting before service and fled because I just needed to be home. Add to all that emotion a series of headaches and a off-and-on scratchy throat. Doesn't that all sound like fun?

I've struggled enough that I haven't even updated here like I usually do. So, I'm asking that you pray that I break the surface of that emotional pool soon. Meanwhile, I need to rest in the fact that THE LIFE GUARD is looking out for me and will help me find my bearings.