Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Breaking the Surface

I remember laughing as I went down the slide. It emptied into a shallow pool half way down and then you got on another slide and went the rest of the way. At the first pool, I let myself go totally under. And then it happened. I somehow got disoriented and could not find my way up. I remember running my hand over the blue bottom. Or maybe it was the blue wall. Whatever it was, it did not help. My heart pounded and I had the fleeting thought that I was going to drown in that shallow pool because I could not get my feet under me. I could not break the water's surface.

I don't remember how I managed to find my way up. But I came up coughing and sputtering. The guard asked me if I was okay and told me that he was starting to worry.

I feel a bit like that emotionally. It has been a hard month as a result of a medication change and some family conflict. (My doctor warned me that tapering off the med might be like major PMS. And it has taken over a month!) Largely it has manifested itself in forgetfulness and difficulty processing with some tears thrown in.

I feel like I've been riding down that slide all month. Last Thursday night I hit that shallow pool and I've struggled to break the surface of all the emotions. Friday I was weepy but I pulled it together. The emotions pulled at me on Saturday. Sunday I burst into tears after a meeting before service and fled because I just needed to be home. Add to all that emotion a series of headaches and a off-and-on scratchy throat. Doesn't that all sound like fun?

I've struggled enough that I haven't even updated here like I usually do. So, I'm asking that you pray that I break the surface of that emotional pool soon. Meanwhile, I need to rest in the fact that THE LIFE GUARD is looking out for me and will help me find my bearings.





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5 comments:

ThreeGirlyGirls said...

Oh girl....I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this!! Nothing like an emotional roller coaster!!! I'm lifiting you up to our Father right now.

hkudla said...

Amy,
I will be praying for you. It seems like so many of my friends are struggling right now... it keeps driving me to my knees in prayer. I am grateful to intercede on the behalf of someone else...
You are right our great Life Guard is watching over you, and He will lead you and guide you... The Lord will quiet you with His love.
May you come out on the other side of this stronger, with more strength of the Lord in you than ever before.
Love you,
Heather

Joyful said...

Amy, so sorry you've been under the weather, and under attack. It's a God-thing that your ex-roommate cancelled for tonight. Sounds like it would have been a stressful evening. I pray the Lord will rescue you from the drowning feelings and circumstances and let you rest beside still waters.

Continuing in prayer,
Hugs,
Joy

Melissa said...

Sweet Amy,

Yes, your LifeGuard is looking out for you. My friend, I am so sorry for your desperation and emotions. I understand. I am praying for you and if you'd like to pray together on the phone, I would love to talk to you. Just let me know, I don't want to intrude. You know the office number and I'll be there til 12 on thurs and til 2:30 on Fri. My cell is broken because of water damage.

I love you girl. Hang on tight. You are so beautiful and such a blessing to so many. Remember "hope".

Love you,
Melissa

Michelle said...

I can relate. You will surface and the Life Guard has the Life Saver to pull you to solid ground. Praying for you, my friend.