When I Cannot See You

Yesterday, I went to grab a few groceries at Meijer. I scouted out the shortest line and hopped in, planning what to do next. I had a few things on my agenda and was feeling somewhat rushed. I perused the magazines and then as the clerk was finishing with the man in front of me, I piled my groceries onto the belt.

Then I heard, "Your card has been declined."

The man ran his card again and punched in his PIN. It was declined again. He was starting to get flustered. I was starting to get irritated. He said that he didn't know what his wife had bought. Apparently, they had a limit on their debit card. He pulled out his cell and called his wife. The conversation went back and forth. He got more flustered. I got more irritated. He got off the phone saying, "I hate getting yelled at for something that isn't my fault." He used a credit card and it went through.

I got a little more irritated. If he had the credit card all along, why hadn't he used it right away? Why had he continued to waste my time as well as the woman behind me with a long drawn out drama of calling home.

Last night, I was talking with a few people about how invisible clerks are. I was thinking of some of my interactions on the other side of the counter at Barnes and Noble. I said, "Part of it is that we just really get focused on ourselves." My statement settled into my heart. I had been so focused on me and my time earlier that day that I totally missed the man in front of me. I missed the embarrassment he obviously felt. I missed the tension. Instead of seeing with grace, I only saw that he was holding me up.

I confess that I cannot see you or anyone else when I am only focused on me. That probably happens too much.

So, today I am praying that God would help me really see those around me first. Will you join me?

I Would Have Made a Good Pharisee -- Hope Chronicles 90

For some reason, my favorite Bible characters have been on my mind of late. They include Josiah and Peter and Esther to name just a few. I've found my self perusing those and other stories. But as I've been doing that, I've felt the this question tingle at the edges of my mind. I've kind of wanted to keep it at the edges, but as sometimes happens, God wanted me to look at it. What is the question?

Great characters of faith, but which person in the Bible are you most like?

Sigh. I'm not as brave like Esther. I don't know that my heart is as sensitive to God's word as Josiah's. Peter jumped into the water and swam to shore even after he failed Jesus. I would have cowered in the boat.

Yes, but who are you most like?

It took awhile and came with humbling conviction. The Pharisees. Sigh. I don't want to be like them.

In Jesus day there were several prominent groups. One was the Sadducees. (I differentiated them from the other groups by their name and belief. They didn't believe in heaven so that made them "Sad you see." I came up with that in high school, so cut me some slack.) Then there were the Pharisees. (They wanted everything "Fair you see.") They were the rule keepers.

Honestly, I think that initially the Pharisees started out okay. They didn't want to break any of God's commandments. They were very careful about it. They decided to define all the possible ways of breaking a commandment. They then added to the law. In essence, they put up a zillion fences, things to do and not do, so that you wouldn't come close to breaking the law.

Problem: In the frenzy of building those fences, they lost sight of God and his people.

I like rules more than I want to admit. I'd rather be carefree and easy going. I like rules. They make me feel safe. They help me know what to expect and not expect. They give me boundaries at times when life feels out of control.

But just like the Pharisees, I lose sight of God. Yes, I may have my quiet time. I may be able to check any number of spiritual things off the list. But if my quiet time was just about the list, did I really meet with God?

Just like the Pharisees, I lose sight of God's people. Sometimes in relationships I am more concerned about being right or more concerned about what is fair than I am about the person. Take, for instance, my job at BN. I do enjoy it. I work hard. However, my dandruff gets up if I think I'm doing more work than so and so. I want it all to be fair. Sometimes I get so focused on a task, I lose sight of the people around me.

But there is hope. Saul was a Pharisee. He even held the others' cloaks as they stoned Stephen, a leader in the early church. He sincerely believed it was the right thing. He was very good at following rules. He expected everyone else to follow them too. Until one day, he was walking a long and Jesus appeared to him. He was blinded for several days. Then Jesus sent someone to heal Saul's eyes. From then on, Saul became Paul and became a leader in the early church. Talk about a 180!

Was Paul still a rule guy? I think that he probably was. However, he was also someone who had completely experienced grace. This allowed him to give grace to others even when they didn't follow the rules.

Yes, I would have made a good Pharisee. But as God shows us through Paul, God is more than capable to knock down some fences to bring hope to a heart.

Company!

I've had such a good weekend. Some friends who use to live here came for a visit. It was Elena's birthday. She just turned 9, but she thought visiting me for her birthday sounded great. So, she and her sister Grace and their parents came for a visit. We went out for lunch and then came home and played games and went to the park. And, of course, a birthday calls for cake and ice cream. And we played a lot with Hadley. Hadley loved all the extra attention!

Elena

Grace

Time for cake!

Fair Isn't Always Equal

Fair. Put one piece of cake on the table in between 2 kids and you'll get an immediate lesson in fair. (For those of you with kids, I've heard the way of making sure things are fair in this situation is to let one child cut the piece of cake and the other get first dibs on which half they want!) Kids are keenly aware of fair. But then, most adults I know are pretty aware too!

I came across this book last night. It had the title that went something like "Fair Isn't Always Equal." Maybe it stood out to me because "fair" was on my mind. Like most people, I like things to be fair. If they aren't fair, I prefer to be in the one up position. Honestly, (like most people, I think) I probably don't even think about fair unless I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

When I was on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, our Regional staff meetings one year were on Racial Reconciliation. They had a variety of activities they put us through and then debriefed. One was a race with candy as the reward. We started out in one line. Then the facilitator said something like, "If you were raised in a two parent home, take one step forward. If you had a library card growing up, take a step forward. If you had a computer at all in your home, take a step forward." After several of those, we also heard, "If you spent time in a foster home, take a step back. If you have ever been refused service somewhere, take a step back." You get the picture.

While we all believed in equality, the game showed us an enormous amount of situations where things weren't fair. In the end, a couple staff were way out ahead and none of the rest of us had a chance. One staff member was actually behind the line where we had all begun. Most had the sensitivity to be embarrassed at being so far ahead. It was humbling.

I don't know anything about that book, so I cannot recommend it. But I do think it is true. Fair isn't always equal.

As I've thought about it, I've also come to realize that God is more concerned about my character than about fair. I don't know where that thought came from. Maybe God whispered it in my ear or tugged it out of some recess of my mind from long ago. Where ever it came from, I think it is an amazing thought and it sets my priorities on end. I am so much more likely to think about fair before my character.

How do I know God is more concerned about character than fair? Look at the cross. The cross is stands in stark contrast to fair. There was nothing fair about Jesus death on the cross. If Jesus was concerned about fair, I would have been nailed to the cross for my sins instead of Jesus.

There is no mercy in fair. There is no grace in fair. Rather fair is about what is deserved or earned. Mercy is about not getting what we deserve. Grace is mercy's kindred spirit but takes it one step further and offers what we do not deserve and can never earn.

Fair is rigid. Mercy and grace are fluid and in God's love, they wrap themselves around His children.

Fair has it's merits. Merit is it's cornerstone. But stone is cold. I'll choose mercy and grace.

The challenge now learning let go of fair in relation to those around me and offer mercy and grace instead.

While I'm praying that, it's scary. Choosing those things are hard. God used that book title to remind me. Even last night, I found the words, "That's not fair" coming quickly to mind. Mercy and grace. Mercy and grace. Pray that I remember those words before fair even creeps in.

Thank God that He cares more about my character, about me, than He does about honoring my sense of fair.

The Compliment

Grace, Andrea, Elena, and Addie

This weekend I had a fun visit from some friends. Allison, Elena, and Grace moved from Illinois to Michigan where Allison remarried. It was really hard for me to see them go. Since they are in the UP, it takes a bit to get up there or down here depending on how you look at it.

A few weeks ago, Allison asked about all of them coming for a visit. I had to work at BN, Saturday night, but they made into town Saturday afternoon after visiting other friends in Chicago. We played with the cats, talked, played a game and then met up with other friends at Culvers for dinner.

The gang of kids at Culvers

I headed off to work at 7:00 and everyone else went to out to an indoor kind of arcade/pro putt in town. They bunked at my house and joined me at church on Sunday where they got to see a lot of familiar faces.

Allison shared with me about Elena's excitement over coming. She apparently told her gymnastic teacher that she was going to visit her "best friend Amy." What a high compliment to be considered any child's best friend!

It was a delightful time. It had been so many months since seeing all of them that I wondered if there would be any awkwardness. I was thrilled with "falling back into friendship" that happened.

A Bounty of Snail Mail

Lately my mailbox has been very busy. Much to my surprise, Jesus has been writing me. I've gotten several cards with Bible verses tucked inside them! They have been very encouraging to me. I know that some hands must be helping, but I appreciate the effort and do feel like Jesus is writing.

Then, I've picked up a pen pal. Elena and Grace use to live here. I sent Elena (8) a birthday present. She sent me a thank you not and said, "Write back!" I did. I asked her if she was asking to be my pen pal. I promised a letter for every letter she writes me. I've gotten my third since the end of September!

Lysa Terkuerst looped me in on a project for Sharon at Joy in the Truth's son. It involved a traveling journal and postcards and info about different parts of the country. It was through school. Interestingly enough, his teacher's name was Mrs. Barnhart. Mrs. Barnhart was the name of my kindergarten teacher. (No, we don't live anywhere near the same state.) I passed the journal on as instructed to Elena in Michigan who was going to send it to someone in Florida.

And then there is my Compassion child. Kay (Kayirangwa) from Rwanda wrote me the sweetest letter ever.She asked for prayer for school and for her mother who has pain in her back. Then she told me how beautiful Grace and Elena's pictures were. (I send pictures of various people and thought getting pictures of two little girls might be more fun than just adults or cats!) I had mentioned their mother moving and might not have been clear that they had moved too. She wrote:

She asks if Grace and Elena moved too? Kayirnagwa liked those children alot. If they too moved it's sad and if she had been able she would have come to remove you from that loneliness.

She's praying for you that you have a happy Christmas.

How sweet is that for her to think that I might be lonely because Grace, Elena, and Allison moved and want to help?

I love email. I'm probably addicted to it, but I must say that all of this snail mail ROCKS!

Life Lessons

Today I was talking to my boss. He said something about trying to figure me out, that he was watching the way I responded to some things that had happened the last few days. I'm not always successful at these, but I told him that I am working on trying to live by two things:

1. Keep short accounts. The longer hurts go without a response or an attempt to reconcile, the bigger, badder, messier they become.
2. We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions. My hope here is that I am learning to give grace and not assume ill motive where any wasn't intended.

What about you? Do you have one or two life lessons you try to live by?

The Whimsical Side of She Speaks

Pam and I traveled together. It was so nice to have someone to travel with!

I learned lots at She Speaks. The top serious things I learned were:

• God SEES me.




• God sets the lonley in "families" and these gals really felt like family




• God has given you a unique story that only you can share.

There, that is the reader's digest version.

But then there were other funny things I learned. Some I should have known.

• Just because there are automatic toilets in the conference center as well as automatic towel dispensers DOES NOT mean that the water is automatic. You can rub your hand under the faucet as long as you want and as often as you want, but if you do not turn the handles it will not work. You will look foolish if you stand there too long. But the conference mantra was "Grace, Grace, Grace" so even if you look foolish you will still be loved.



• Southern rule of cooking: If something tastes good, it will taste even better fried. Hences the oblong thing on my plate during lunch at the airport. I had a barbecue turkey sandwich, potatoes, and a FRIED pickle. It was actually tasty. It had a bit of a kick to it.

• There is a 3oz rule for carry on stuff. My toothpaste was too big. Once the lady said that, we figured we just needed to check the bags 'cause I definitely hadn't packed right. So next year, She Speaks should send out a post on travel stuff -- airline rules. :-)




• I never turn my phone off. Thankfully, someone traveling with me knew how to get it powered down and powered up!



• If you opt to eat at a Sonic restaurant you eat outside in your car. It is only drive up. However, I do recommend their shakes.



• I still talk in my sleep. (Grace, grace, grace from the roommates.) Happily, God must have been giving me good dreams. I was heard to exclaim (among other things), "That was just beautiful."



• I can time myself but I cannot be timed by others. Seriously. I freaked when given the time signals. My 3 minute talk came out 2:19 because the 1 minute left signal flustered me. My 5 minute talk was 4:09 minutes. Happily, they both got good ratings. I guess I learned to wrap up quickly!



• If you thank hotel staff, they get somewhat embarrassed.



• Bloggers are some of the funniest people you will ever meet. Lelia is even more of a stitch in person than she is on her blog. Michelle has a sweet presence about her. Nikki is beautiful, sweet, and charming. I would love to get together to lunch with her. But NC is a bit far . . . .



• The P31 Team Rocks! They are just a great, fun group of women who loved on us all. I hope they felt loved back! This is a picture of Leah, Wendy, and Melissa. Like the rest of the team, they worked tirelessly. I am thankful for them.
  
  
  
  
  
  I think I've got most of my She Speaks stuff out there, but I can't promise. I have a notebook with 3 pages full of neat things that happened at the conference! So, they might get worked in here or there.

Pieces of My Heart

Sometimes God gives us people for just a time. And sometimes those people take bits of our hearts with us when they go. I have to believe that even though I will miss them and hate the having to say "Goodbye" that our meeting and doing parts of life together was for all of our good.

Today, I am saying "Goodbye" to Allison, Grace, and Elena. I met them through church in December 2006. We quickly became friends. Allison has graciously shared her girls with me. Yesterday, I spirited the girls off for a few hours of fun.

We went to Barnes and Noble and I let them each pick out something. Then we had lunch out and then went to the store so they could help me pick out flowers. I am not much on yard work, but last year a friend helped me plant some flowers in front. I liked having them, so we picked some out for the front and got two longer planters to set on the deck. (I hope I did it right and that they survive the planting!

This is Grace watering the flowers.

Here are Grace and Elena working in front of the the house. (Sorry, they got a little dirty, Allison! But they had fun.)

Elena and Grace with finished product out front. Last year they spilled over the pot. I hope they do this year as well.




We did white and orange daisies in the back. But I think the two prettiest flowers are the ones in pink! I love this picture of them.

And because it wouldn't be time at Amy's without popsicles and the park, we headed down to the neighborhood park. This is Grace on top of some of the equipment. I've loved listening to her pray over the last year and a half.

Here is Elena, digging her way to China. Actually, with her heart for God, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she ends up as missionary somewhere . . . .

Though it hurts to say "Goodbye," I wouldn't have traded the bit of sunshine they've been in my life for anything.

And with believers, it never is totally a goodbye but more of a "See you later!"



Please pray for their new adventure -- wherever it leads.