God of Purple Daisies -- Hope Chronicles 49

Last May I was in a very difficult spot emotionally and physically. My friend Mark came by to help me with the lawn. After finishing mowing my lawn, he suggested that we plant flowers in the two cement containers out front. I wasn't against it, but I was somewhat hesitant. I had never gardened. My father took care of all of the outdoor type things. I wondered if I would be able to keep them alive.

We hopped in Mark's truck and went to Mark's favorite store, Mendards. We picked up purple and white wave Petunias. They settled in fast and completely spilled over the pots. Even though I felt a bit like I had the idea of flowers thrust upon me, I found that I enjoyed having them.

This year I ventured out on planting them with two little girls I know, Grace and Elena. I wasn't totally sure what I was doing, but thought we could manage it. Along with the Petunias, I bought two plastic containers to set on the back deck. I opted to fill them with orange and white daisies. I had seen white daisies but never orange before. They turned out very cheery and with the warmer weather have really perked up. I love watching them dance in the sun.

Today I came home from church and began to water the flowers. Much to my surprise, I found a perfect purple daisy nestled in amongst the orange and white ones.

I have seen white daisies. I have seen orange daisies. But I've never seen a purple one. It seems that when we think we know all about how God works, He takes the time to surprise us. In the midst of the business of life, it seems like a gentle reminder that God takes a personal interest in me. He numbers the hairs on my head and knows that my favorite color is purple. It seems He painted it just for me . . . . What a hopeful thought.

How has God gently surprised you lately?

Chronicling Hope and a Question for YOU

I'm off and visiting other blogs (when I should be writing), but I have to come back to my blog to pick up a few links. As I was doing my blog hopping, I noticed the top of my blog archives says "111". That means that I have blogged here 111 times. Because I like even numbers, I'm making this blog so that it will be 112!

But really, when I started I thought I would blog once or twice a week. The pictures and quotes are a bit misleading (back dated to make the links at the navigation bar at the top). I really started blogging here in early December. That means I average a blog every couple of days.


That is kind of amazing to me. Even more amazing is that people read and leave nice little comments. I love the give and take of it.

What do I blog about? Everything. It seems that my life has turned into one big, bloggy event. Everything is fodder for the blog. And it has increased my fascination with my camera. It's so fun to illustrate.

So, really, what do I blog about:

• My cats. It's amazing how prominently they are featured and that they provide so much material.




• Friendships. Relationships are huge for me. I'm always trying to think through those.




• Singleness. Though, while I mention it some, this hasn't been as big of a pull for me as I thought it might. However, I've appreciated all of you married people out there leaving your words of encouragement.




• Kids. I love kids, so my adventures with them -- if it is ice skating or watching them nap on the couch with a cat -- all go into blogdom.




• God. This blog is meant to be about God's work in the day to day things of life. As I've sought to write about Him, it is amazing all the ways He has shown himself to me.




• I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this blog is about HOPE. I started it on a mission to write weekly about hope. Of those 111 posts, 48 are hope related or part of what I call Hope Chronicles. A friend told me the other day that she starts reading and wonders how I will bring it around to hope. (The Hope Chronicle title gives it away.) Yet, she said that I always manage to, that I come at hope from all different angles.

As I've sought to prepare, God keeps bringing this image to mind:

Isn't it amazing where things grow? Rocks wouldn't seem to be a good flowerbed, but here they are with just a little soil. With God, we can find hope in the most unlikely places.

Writing about hope has been my way of combating depression. While, I still do the other things to help, it has been the first time I've made such a concerted effort to turn the wave of my thoughts. It has been a blessing and a wonderful choice.

I'm going to She Speaks. I'm working on a book proposal about hope. It's not meant to just be for those who are depressed. I want it to reach a broader audience. But, I need 3 chapters. I've got some ideas and have started and stopped various things. But now I am starting to panic. It is so close....

I thought I would ask, if you've read some of my stuff on hope or even if you are new to my site, does any one stand out to you? No, I'm not asking you to spend hours reading -- unless you want to. But if there was one idea that grabbed you and you remember it, could you leave me a note? I'll hunt down the specifics. Just jot something like -- "The difference between your cats being a princess or stray" or "Your thought about the moon" or "Riding horses."

While I have the ideas and somethings started, I think this would help me know what speaks to people and some encouragement as I stay up late and get up early to write and to speak. (I opted for the speaker's track officially, but I'm really doing a combination.)

I'm going on June 19th. And the conference starts the late afternoon of the 20th. But since I'm there early, they gave me early appointments on the 20th (11:30 and noon) for my book proposal. I am meeting with an agent and the representative from Howard House.

Please pray!

The Lame Shall Leap -- Hope Chronicles 48

As I wrote in a post last week, I enjoyed the new Narnia -- Prince Caspian movie even if they did add and change a few things. It's made me want to go back and read the books and see what lines up.

Please indulge me. I do know it is a story. But today, it somehow got into my mind how odd it must have been (even in a pretend sort of way) for Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy to go back to England after being in Narnia. How odd would it be to grow up and be kings and queens in a magical land and to suddenly be thrust back into your old life? Would your adult self feel strange to be thrust back into a child's body? Would something about you, your experience, feel as if it pushed against the boundaries of the normal world?

The movie lets on that the children were feeling pretty dissatisfied with ordinary life. Peter even got into a fight. (I checked and that bit isn't in the book.) It seems "realistic" though. To go from being king to an ordinary boy would be a hard change!

I think there is a piece that relates to our life as Christians. I have, at times, had "mountain top" experiences. These are places where you feel so close to God that you cannot help but be changed. In the Old Testament, Moses met with God as a man meets with a friend. It so changed him that his face radiated God's glory and he had to wear a veil. In some ways, his experience with God pushed against the boundaries of a normal, ordinary world.

When have you felt changed by being in God's presence? As I mentioned before, I often think of it more in terms of those special get-away type things. But it doesn't have to be that. Moses met with God every day. As Mose met with God, God expanded his understanding of his glory.

We may not visibly glow as Moses did, but do our lives push outside the normal boundaries of the everyday life?

For me this week it has been learning about compassion. I don't believe in coincidences, so when God brings me in contact with three disabled people in one week, I suspect there is something to be learned.

The first was when I was walking on Monday. There was a man pulled up to an outside table. Well, he was actually pulled up to the bench in a wheel chair. Since he couldn't get closer to the table, he was hunched over and leaning forward to eat from the bench. Both of his legs were in casts. He dropped his fork and let out a string of curses. I came upon him from the back. He was genuinely surprised when I picked it up for him. He thanked me, but then I moved on.

The second was in the office. We often find that we speak a different "language" than some of the people coming in. They use words for documents and procedures that have different meanings than they intend. It frustrates them and us. I was helping a man at the counter. He kept ducking his head in what I thought was an odd manner. But over the course of our 15 minute interaction, he finally had to look at me. I realized that one eye was completely white like the white part of the eyeball missing the iris and pupil. Something told me, "Don't look away. Everyone does that." I'll admit that it was disconcerting. But I met his gaze and explained once more. This time, my explanation, took hold.

The third was as I was getting on the elevator. A man got off. He was drenched from the torrential rain we had just had. As we were in the lower part of the building and he looked bewildered, it was easy to conclude that he was lost. I asked, "Can I help you find something?" He slumped a bit and then held out the sodden papers and gestured. He couldn't hear and didn't seem to be able to speak.

They were tax papers. That is not my area. I glanced at the papers and motioned to him to follow me to an office I thought could help. I picked the right office, but the woman at the counter wasn't about to let me go. She talked to me rather than him. I didn't know if he read lips or not, but the angle seemed like it would be awkward. I found myself grabbing a pen and paper and jotting things to him. He seemed relieved to have the means to communicate. But just like the woman at the counter, he turned to me and had me relay it!

One of my favorite Bible stories is when Jesus feeds the 5,000. It says that Jesus had compassion on them. Compassion is more than feeling sorry for someone. It is coupled with a desire to alleviate the suffering you see.

All of the instances I related were actually very small instances compared to what they look like here -- a couple minutes to fifteen or so. And it's not that I did any wonderful things: picking up a fork, making eye contact, and jotting some sentences. The bigger thing, I think, was being moved by compassion.

It struck me after the last instance that all three ailments were ones that are mentioned in connection with Jesus:

• "Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy." (Isaiah 35:6 in a prophecy about the Messiah)
• "In that day the deaf will hear the words of the scroll, and out of gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind will see." (Isaiah 29:3)
• "Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped." (Isaiah 35:5)
• The healing of the deaf and mute man in Mark 7.
• All of the healings probably apply.

Jesus came to save. But He also came to make us whole. Each of these men represented some aspect of that awaiting promise to me. We may not have wholeness yet, but we will. Jesus has too much compassion on us to have it any other way. He is moved by our suffering. When we let ourselves be moved by compassion for others, I think it pushes against that normal, ordinary kind of being in the world. While I didn't work any great miracles, God did let me alleviate some suffering in some small ways. There is hope in knowing that God chooses to use us at all.

And of course, there is hope in knowing that our souls that upon coming to know God, in some ways, have become too big for our frail bodies will one day be released into Jesus' waiting embrace.

New Look

While I like to feel pretty, I am low maintenance when it comes to hair and make up and all that. I am not a girly girl. As a result, my last haircut was in late November or early December. Of course it has grown. As it has gotten longer, I went to my default -- pull it back in a barrette. Soon, it would have gotten long enough for a ponytail. I didn't have long hair much as a child. My mom didn't want to fight the thick curls. As an adult, I've liked it longer but not wanted to fight the curls either. The longer it has gotten, the more I threw it back in a ponytail.

So, it was starting to lengthen. I began to envision the ever ready ponytail but decided I didn't want to go that route. I called my friend, Jill, to see if she had any thoughts -- longer or shorter or what? Since I wanted a real change, she suggested I go see Sally.

Sally was brilliant. I have never had someone ask me so many questions about what I wanted, liked, used, . . . . It was great. The new look will take a little getting use to, but I think I like it. I can wear it straight or curly. Today, Sally styled it straight and explained how to do it. She also encouraged me to call with any questions and said that I could come in again with my things to get the hang of it.

Sally was a gift. To top it off, Jill went with me. I don't think I've ever had anyone go to a hair appointment with me and give input. Then we were able to grab a quick bite. So, here are the pics:

I took my camera so I could share it with you. Before:

After:

We'll see how I do at fixing it tomorrow! But I like it!

Now, if I could just learn how to keep my eyes from bulging up into "frog eyes" when smiling for the camera. Sigh.

But it was a happy afternoon. In spite of my frog eyes, I was told what wonderful hair I have -- thick and curly. I think both Sally and Jill had a hard time believing how much of it there really was!

Behind Those Eyes -- An Open Letter

Dear Lisa,

I've thoroughly enjoyed getting to know your little girl this last month or so. You were so right when you wrote how beautiful she is! (For those reading this open letter, the little girl is Lisa Whittle's newest book Behind the Eyes.)

Thank you for unmasking, as you put it, the "great charade of womanhood." Your honesty helped me look at the places where I pretend rather than risk being real.

Can I share with you a few of the things that touched me?

First, I love how you write from your heart. While you share that you recognize "Ms. Confidence" in yourself, you also take risks and are vulnerable. I know that you may not meet many of your readers until heaven, I think it still takes courage to put your soft spots out there in such a public way.

Second, I identify with some facet of each of the personification you put forth.

• I am a perfectionist at heart. I demand it of myself and always have. When I was in undergrad, I was disappointed with a 3.86 GPA. In grad school, I managed the 4.0, but found that even that didn't satisfy. You see, I fell short. There was a special test at the end and the top 5 would graduate with "honors." (As if the privilege of getting such a great education wasn't honor enough, I was dismayed to be only in the top 7.) I write that only to say that I am a harsh task master with myself. While I wouldn't say it so boldly, at times it spills into my relationships and the standards I set there.


• Ms. Confidence is a face I also wear. While I may often be the "soft one" in relationships, I do not have many close friends. For most of the world, I quietly pretend that I have it all in hand. I keep people locked out.


• I cannot say that I exude Ms. Happiness, but I do recognize parts of her. I cannot let someone know that something is wrong. If I do, I do so apologetically. "Yes, this awful, horrible thing just happened but it really isn't so bad and I'm really okay and I'm sorry to bother you with it and I'll just let you go now."


• Ms. Spirituality -- yes, I know her too. I loved the years I spent in ministry. But at times, I confess, I may drop that bit of information as a means to impress. "Yes, 11 years serving God in full time ministry . . . ." It's not every time, but some times Ms. Spirituality is behind it. Perhaps it is even in sharing obscure Bible trivia. Yes, we are to know scripture but the reason behind it is not to impress!

Third, thank you for giving voice to the feelings we conceal. I resonated so with that chapter that I read it twice! Loneliness and jealousy are my biggest vices. Loneliness drives me to look at everyone else and say, "Why didn't they invite me?" My jealously is largely relational. I struggle to simply be happy when someone is able to steal away some time with another friend. I recognize it as a barrier to relationships. It adds enough weight to what should be a buoyant relationship to sink the ship. But I am working on it and growing. Thanks so much for sharing about your friendship! It sounds special indeed.

Lastly, thanks for sharing the "real deal." I love the way you reveal God's heart in those last chapters. I love what your wrote: "God already know that He accepts us just as we are . . . with all of our failures and faults and insecurities, but He was us to know that -- really know that." I pray that what God is doing through you will cement that more firmly for every woman who reads your book.

Thank you for sharing the truth. It does, indeed, set us free.

Food Wars

In an attempt to fight a slowing metabolism and lose some weight, I've been packing my lunch religiously since the first of the year. This winter I took homemade soup and an apple. As the weather has changed the last week or so, I've moved to a sandwich and an apple as well as a healthy walk. (I don't want to be confined to a microwave and a spoon and bowl.)



Today was not my day. I realized too late that I didn't have any deli meat and would have to resort to peanut butter and jelly. I love peanut butter in cookies and such. But even as a kid, I didn't take to PB&J. But, it was all I had on hand, so made myself a sandwich.



Said sandwich and apple was left on the kitchen table. I didn't realize it until too late and decided I would have to go out but make a wise choice on what I grabbed.



It could have worked, but it was raining at lunch. I don't mean a sprinkle. It was torrential and I didn't think my umbrella would even do much good. I was hungry, so I opted for a pop and M&M's. Seriously, there was nothing else. Okay, I could have had water, but I was tired from a late night at B&N and craved the sweetness.



My lunch was mysteriously missing when I got home. Okay, that isn't quite true. I found the remnants of the Meijer plastic bag, a shredded napkin, and an otherwise untouched apple on the floor. Guessing that my ravenous little monster had made off with the sandwich, I looked all over the kitchen, living room, and under the beds while she ate her dinner. Did she eat the plastic sandwich bag as well as as an entire sandwich? Was I going to stumble on cat puke at any moment as a result?



Stowed far behind a couch I found this:



I'm not sure how Mali managed to eat the part in the middle, but I am sure that she ingested some plastic. (No cat puke yet, though! I think she must have an iron stomach.) I am glad she didn't eat the entire thing, but given where it was stowed, I will wager she was saving it for later! I'm just thankful that the plastic appears to have saved the carpet.

Thus, I wage daily food wars on two fronts.

First is with Mali. Everything edible and some inedible things must be securely stored. If I make cookies, I no longer leave them in Tupperware on the counter. They must got into the cupboard or the container will be knocked on the floor and gnawed on!


My other one is with my choices. I've hovered between losing 17-20lbs since the first of the year. Five weeks ago, I decided I wanted to lose another 10 before She Speaks June 20-22. Nothing is budging. I need to declare the war more loudly. While losing another 10 in two weeks and keeping it off probably isn't realistic, I will work towards 4.

I've fudged on my pop only every 2-3 days declaration. This may mean I need new resolve.


And hopefully it won't pour at lunch so I can walk!

The Moon -- A Hope Thought

When I was a child, I was disappointed to discover that the moon was just a giant rock that didn't even have it's own light. It seemed so large in the dark sky that there had to be more to it than that. It dawned on me tonight that there really might be more to it than that. The moon reflects the sun's light. Perhaps God placed it there in it's reflective capacity to remind us that even in the dark of night the sun is still shining.