Valentine's Day Contest

Hey all.

Just thought I would let you know that my friend, Jill Savage, is sponsoring a Valentine's Day contest. It's particularly for married people, but she is a dear friend and I love her so I thought I would advertise for her here! She is the founder of Hearts at Home and has written numerous books from mothering (including one on that hard age group of teens) and marriage.



So, click the banner at the right and go to her site and enter her contest. It will be fun!

And aren't you impressed I can do the whole button thing. I learned how at Lysa's blog last week. So, I guess I'm kind of showing off my new found knowledge!

Enjoy. I hope someone I know wins! Let me know if you do!

Follow the Tracks -- Hope Chronicles 14

It snowed Thursday night and into Friday morning. And it snowed and snowed and snowed. (I probably shouldn't be surprised given that I live in Central Illinois, but I always hate it anyway!) I knew the forecast before I went to bed. It called for 6-10 inches, so I allotted time in the morning for shoveling and was digging my way out in the 5am darkness. Because of the dirfts it came 3/4 of the way up my calves.

I backed out of the driveway and into the alley. Since it is an alley, it is typically one of the last things on the list for the road department to plow. My wheels spun in the snow. I rocked the car backwards and forwards. At that point, there was only one set of tracks in the snow. I instinctively knew that if I wanted to get out of the alley, I needed to follow those tracks.

So, that's what I did. Even when the tracks ventured right when I would normally go left, I followed them to the right. Together we looped around the subdivision and finally spilled out onto a main street. It wasn't the way I would normally go, but I'm convinced that if I hadn't ventured out of them, I would have been completely stuck.


It seems like everything in life right now is pointing me towards hope. The tracks in the snow are no different.

Just like I needed to follow those tracks to get out of that alley, to follow them right when I would have gone left, sometimes I also need to follow the tracks of those who have gone before me.

One of my favorite Bible characters is the prophet Elijah. The story of Elijah can be found in 1Kings 17 and following. In chapter 18, God calls Elijah to a confrontation with Ahab and the prophets of Baal. It's a wonderful story. I would encourage you to read it! Here it is in brief: Elijah challenges the propehts of Baal to a contest. Whose ever god answers with fire on the altars they built, he would be god. Elijah lets Baal's prophets go first. They dance and scream and entreat Baal to answer them. As time drags on, Elijah taunts them. In verse 27-28 (NIV) it says, "Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened." So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention."

Then Elijah has his turn. He digs a trench around the altar and pours water on it so it runs off the altar and into the trench. God answers in a mighty way with fire from heavent that burns up the sacrafice and even laps up all the water in the ditch! Elijah and the Israelites slay the prophets of Baal.

As is so often the case, after an emotional high, Elijah plummets emotionally. He hears that Jezebel is furious and wants to kill him. He flees. Emotionally exhausted, he sits in front of a broom tree and prays to die. God sends an angel with sustenance. Then he travels to Horeb for 40 days and comes to a cave. God calls Elijah into his presence in chapter 19. It says, "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. "

God was not in the rock shattering wind. He was not in the eartquake. He was not in the fire. When God came, He was in the whisper! How often do I miss God because I am too busy or loud or . . . ? God is often in the whisper.

Elijah (as I probably would) immediately whines to God that he is the only one left and people are after him. Yes, the great prophet whines even after the miracles he has seen. God puts it all in perspective, He gives him a mission (go back) and lets him no that Elijah is not alone -- there are 7,000 in Israel who have not bowed to Baal. And God is sending Elijah a partner.

What tracks can we follow that God and Elijah lay down for us here?

• Rest when you need to. God provided a rest and sustenance for Elijah in the desert.



• Look for God in the whisper as well as the big things of life. Maybe find a quiet spot or quiet time when you can hear Him more clearly.



• Whining doesn't work! Keep things in perspective. How could Elijah think he was the only one when there were 7,000 of God's faithful still in Israel. He did what I often do, he looked at the surface of things rather than reality. He took his eyes off the God who had so miraculously came through and let fear get the best of him.



• Get moving. Energy breeds energy. Get back on task.

Where is the hope? God always leaves us tracks to follow. It's up to us if we will follow those who came before or get stuck in the snow.

______________________________________________________

I did make it into work and worked for about and hour and a half before my boss called me at the office and let me know we would be closed due to the weather! So, I got to come home and do things around the house. While I was trying to take a nap, I realized that Katy had a lot of dandruff/dry skin. (It shows especially on her dark fur.) While cats do clean themselves, its recommended to give them a bath occassionally. It helps get rid of some of the extra fur and takes care of those hard to reach places. They weren't happy and left me to my own devices the rest of the day! I think they were mad I redid their meticulously done hair without permission!

Breaking out of Insanity -- She Speaks & Proverbs 31 Contest

Someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. As a counselor, I know that isn't quite right, but there is a ring of truth to it. I have been dealing with depression since I was 10. That is at least the first time I remember wishing to die. There was no hope of help in my family of origin. We were much to private for anything like that. Thus, I didn't start getting help for it until I was an adult.

Unfortunately, one of the things I have learned is that once you deal with major depression, the likelihood of it recurring increases every time you have an episode.

The fall of 2005 wasn't any different. That fall I went to a conference on abuse called The Wounded Heart put on by author and speaker, Dan Allender. He spoke of an opportunity to go to a conference in May or June that was really along group therapy session. I was hesitant but decided that I needed to do something different. I didn't want to keep running around on that treadmill of depression. So, I called to get information.

There was a long application that had to be filled out that included lots of personal details. I bared my soul and filled it out. Then I found out that you had to do a phone interview as well. So, I anticipated and worried about the call. What would they ask?

The call came in February 2006. They didn't ask much of anything. Instead the call was to say that I wasn't eligible to come! Maybe, they said, in a year --after another year of working with my doctor and therapist. Even though I was nervous and hesitant about the whole thing, I was crushed.

But God had different plans for me. As so often is the case, He gives better gifts than we can imagine.

At some point, Lysa Terkeurst spoke in a nearby town. My counselor, Julie, went to talk. She told me about it and said that she had wished that I could have heard her. She then went on to say that Lysa was going to be in Normal at Hearts at Home. Not being a mom, I didn't think that I could sneak in on that. But I did start checking out her books.

At one point that spring, I emailed her and told her a bit of my story. I was actually surprised that she responded. But as I cruised the web, I checked out Proverbs 31 and found out about She Speaks. Since I had saved for the Wounded Heart conference, I had some money. Having always loved writing, I decided to step out and go. (Please note that I generally hate large crowds, going somewhere like that alone, and traveling alone.)

While I learned a lot about writing and speaking, God used this conference in a mighty way to mend a hurting heart. When I cried on MaryBeth Whalen while trying to meet with her to talk about writing, I think they called the troops out. They got word to me that Lysa wanted me to go to the prayer room and meet with Luanne. I nervously complied (popping in and out several times before staying put). Somewhere in all of that -- talking to MaryBeth, a prayer with Luanne, talking with Teri, and other people -- God wrapped His arms around me and a spiritual part of me relaxed that I don't think had ever relaxed before.

There was a pronounced difference in my life that summer and fall and winter. It turns out it was visible:

• I got a note from one of the members of the church's leadership team saying how touched he was to see me reaching out and talking to people on Sunday mornings. (Me -- the one who assumed no one would want to talk to her.)


• We had a game night in Dec. Even at those things, maybe even more at those things because of the lack of structure, I often felt out of place and was quiet and reserved. That night however, I belly laughed so hard I cried. A couple people announced that watching me was more fun than playing the game. This normally would have sent my self-conscious self into a spin. But, I took it for the compliment it was.


• In Feb. my pastor had me come up and tell the church about starting a private practice in counseling. He said something about the change in me and the church whooped and hollered!

With starting a private practice, I didn't feel like I had the funds to go last year. And then tragedy struck and a dear friend died very suddenly. After one of the most significant breaks in the depression I had ever had, I felt the depression sink it's teeth into me again.

I am working through it. And have determined to "not just do the same old thing and expect results." While I am still going to counseling and all of that, I've had some more practical pieces to the plan: keeping scripture always in front of me, taking a class through a local Christian group, writing weekly on hope to fix my eyes on Jesus, and finding ways to feed my soul.

So, I want to go to She Speaks again for two reasons. First, I think it would feed my soul. Second, I believe with all the writing I have been doing about hope, that a book is forming and God is calling me to go this time with a complete proposal and pitch it. That's scary since I fear rejection, but . . . . Even if it doesn't get accepted, I think I may be writing it as much for myself as for anyone else.

But money is very tight. The business has never really taken off. Along with the depression there has been an increase in doctor bills. This is not to mention two falls -- one off a horse where I broke my tail bone and one fall down a full flight of stairs while playing with my niece where I fractured a few fingers and sprained a knee and ankle. And my roommate moved out this summer and I haven't been able to find a new one. So, it is tight. Yet, I'm cutting away every inch I can to try to be able to come.

Proverbs 31 is sponsoring a scholarship contest. So, this is what I'm entering. These are the reasons I want to go. You can find out about She Speaks by clicking here and you can enter the contest by clicking P31 Contest

Perhaps, it is selfish to want the scholarship since I've been blessed by being able to go once. I don't know. But, it never hurts to try for something. God will somehow provide a way.

Thanks for reading all of this. I hope you will consider going!

Let Me Out I'm Stuck In Your Pocket -- Hope Chronicles 13

Little girls. You never know what they will find funny! Someone at work sent me this free ring tone. "Let me out I'm stuck in your pocket!" said in a high pitched and English accented voice. Elena and Grace thought this was the best! So, when I had them this weekend, there were about 100 requests to hear it one more time. While I thought it was cute, I apparently didn't know just how much fun it could be!




A friend called me Friday morning while I was at work. She is dong the single mom thing and has been under a bit of stress over the last 6 months. She is the independent sort, so for her to ask me to take her girls for the weekend says something about how much she felt like she need a break.




Though it wasn't in my plans, Elena (7) and Grace (5) and I are pals, so I thought that I could swing it. They came at 10:00 on Saturday. Somehow, it turns out that I had promised two meals on Saturday -- one to someone from church who just had surgery and one for a friend's family who was out of town. I don't renege on promises! So, we dropped a casserole off to Kathy, went to the grocery store (interesting event with 2 girls tagging along), grabbed McDonalds as a reward for being such good helpers, dropped supplies off to Kathy because she needed some things from the store, came home and whipped up baked spaghetti, played a few games while it was baking, and then ran it out to my friend's family -- all the while listening to that ring tone.







We got back to my house and my friend, Debbie, called. She invited me to dinner! She could hear the noise in the background, so I explained that the girls were here. She told me to bring them as her children play better with new kids around. We put in a movie for a couple hours and watched it in a "dog pile." I had the couch first and then Grace climbed on and the cats and then Elena. I couldn't move lest I knock someone on the floor, but it was a happy couple of hours.




We then headed over to Joe and Debbie's where we were treated to homemade pizza. The kids ran, played, and belly slid head first down the stairs! We then frosted mini heart shaped cupcakes. It turns out that when you range in ages from 3-7, cupcakes are reusable. They were getting eaten as fast as they got frosted but then we started running low on cupcakes. The kids decided to lick the icing off and decorate multiple times!






So, we've been to church in pajamas (the girls, not me), had lunch, and now Elena is reading and Grace and Mali are napping in a patch of sun as I write. Contentment is sweet even if I'm a little tired from keeping up with them. It has been a good time.


And, I think there is a hope principal to be found in all of this. Hope is meant to be passed on. I think a lot of hope has been passed around as people have served each other. I helped Kathy and my friend's family. (Though, I should point out that I'm not as domestic as all of this makes me sound!) While I'm helping out Grace and Elena's mom, they have also brightened my generally solitary life. And then, Joe and Debbie and their kids having us all over . . . . Interestingly, they had already spent much of the day having another single mom's kids over! I'm sure when they called to invite me they were just thinking one not three! I also know that my friend's family spent part of their morning helping to clean the church and work on the church library.




Ironically, today in church the message was on service. Mark Savage started the service by saying that he wanted us to each listen to the Holy Spirit and write down something we could do for an anonymous (at that point) struggling family in our midst. We've done it a couple times in the past, but we would also be emptying our pockets or purses as an offering for them. Still, this time he wanted it to go beyond finances so bright orange pieces of paper were passed out to put commitments on. He challenged us that we often look to for serving to be categorized and limited, but we need to know "It's not about me!" We can also try to serve depending on who it is. Jesus didn't do that. He washed the feet of Judas.



A couple months ago, I had a conversation where I was complaining about someone else. Julie said to me, "I've found that the people who grate on me the most are the ones I most need to have compassion on." I've been thinking about it the last couple of hours. I think Julie is right. In someways, the things I've done the last couple of days have been easy because of who they are for. I need to ponder who I might be called to serve when it wouldn't come so easily or naturally.



But what does it mean to have compassion on someone? I looked it up online at http://www.thefreedictionary.com/. It said, "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it." That was humbling to read.



I think it fits biblically. In the gospels, when Jesus feeds the 5,000 it says that he had compassion on them for they were like sheep without a shepherd. There are two things that stand out. First, He understood their plight. Second, He didn't just understand it. He had a deep desire to address it. In fact, that is why He came -- to be the Good Shepherd!



Mark also taught about how in John 12 it talks about how a seed must be planted to multiply. A seed that isn't planted remains alone. The planted seed brings about a great harvest.



So, as Mark talked about us emptying our pockets and (in some ways) our hearts in acts of service, I was reminded of that silly ring tone. Let me out I'm stuck in your pocket! Hope stuck in your pocket is really no hope at all. Hope stuck in your pocket will only wither and die. It's meant to be passed on. Will you let hope out of your pocket today?


_________________________________________________________



One last picture because it is so cute and an anecdote. At Crosswinds we have a kid oriented service at 9:00 with dancing, singing, skits, and contests. It is called Kid Stuf. Anyway, Joe and Debbie's kids, Raquel and Lucas, know all the songs and sing them loudly at home and in the car and dance. However, we've had Kid Stuf for over a year and they have never gone up front to join the other kids on the floor.




Last night, they were having a lot of fun with Grace and Elena, so we planted that idea that at Kid Stuf they could sit with Grace and Elena. Still, they headed to their normal chairs when they arrived this morning. I said something to Raquel but she seemed unsure. So, I said as excitedly as I could to Lucas, "Want to go sit with Elena?" His eyes lit up and I took that as a "Yes," and before he could change his mind, I snatched him up and carried him off to the front. Raquel, not wanting to be left behind, followed.




They stayed up front the entire time! This is Lucas rocking it out in his pajamas. The only catch was that it meant I also stayed up front and sat on the floor too. Since I was trying to engage them, I felt compelled to attempt the dances. Seeing as I have no rhythm, I'm sure it was quite the sight to see!

Faith on the Edge

I may not be around much this weekend, but I did want to take a moment to answer a question or two. Some of you have noticed that I helped write a book -- Faith on the Edge: Daring to Follow Jesus. I really appreciate you asking about it! It's like asking someone about a much loved child . . . .





It came out the end of 1999 and was published by InterVarsity Press. The big push for it was InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's national student mission's conference.

• It is still available. You can get it at Amazon or through IVP or have a bookstore order it.


• It is a written by a group. Paul Tokunaga was our fearless leader. It is usually indexed under him, though it will eventually come up under Amy Brooke as well. The trick there is that there appears to be another Amy Brooke out there who writes as well. How is that for confusing? So, lately, I've been trying to add the "L" to my name -- Amy L Brooke. Though, that doesn't help with things that have already been written!


• It's a discipleship book. It was written as a tool for people to use in mentoring/discipling. Working for InterVarsity, we particularly had college students in mind. However, I still think it has a lot to say to others. But, I may be biased.


• It is probably unique in that it was written by 6 vastly different people in gender, age, ethnicity, background. We were selected for our diversity. We had in common a love for Jesus and a joy in writing.


• The format is 24 chapters that are each 8-10 pages long with discussion/reflection questions at the end. They are broken into 3 broad categories: 1) Rooted in Christ, 2) Committed in Relationships, 3) Disturbing the World.


• My chapters are: Risking Forgiveness, Only Very Good Together (gender relationships), Knowing God's Heart for the World (missions), and my favorite -- Hope When We Fall.

Working on this was a gift from God. I had submitted a few articles to IV's SLJ (Student Leadership Journal) but had not done much more than that. And then suddenly, Cindy Bunch (an editor at IVP) approached me at the National Staff Conference about the possibility of working on this. I had known Cindy through staffing some camps and working for IVP at the Urbana Mission Conference. She knew I liked to write, but I didn't know she knew I could!

Apparently, they wanted a diverse group even in the regions of the country they came from. Cindy was working with Paul on putting the team together. They had someone from New York, Georgia, Florida, and two from California. They needed a representative from the Midwest. Cindy suggested me. The story goes that since Paul had never heard of me, he nixed the idea. But they couldn't figure out who . . . . Cindy finally suggested that they ask Jeff Yourison, the editor of SLJ. Apparently, I was the first person out of his mouth when they asked. (Thank you, Jeff!) So, I was asked and would have been crazy not to. It's got to be a God thing when an editor approaches a writer-wanna-be!

But, I haven't done much writing since. I'm just beginning again. I think it was that life just happened and the depression worsened and I got really afraid of rejection. I started connecting to Lysa's blog and she left really kind comments for me. I don't think that I would have entered the contest if I hadn't had that affirmation.

Here is a blip from the book. It's from the hope chapter since I'm chronicling hope this year:

He died on January 21, 1924, but over seven decades later I stood in line to view his body in a guarded mausoleum in Moscow's Red Square. Vladimir Ilyich Lenin helped usher Communism into Russia, and for some he was a savior, the ultimate source of hope for a better future. But Communism is no longer the leading force in Russia. As I viewed Lenin's body in 1998, I wondered, What good is a hope that is dead?

A friend once asked, "Do you have hope?" I had to think for a minute. Sometimes I don't feel very hopeful. Some of the sins I struggled with ten years ago, I struggle with today. Some of the things that gave me pain years ago still bring tears to my eyes. I still fail miserably, sometimes on a daily basis. But I do have hope. Having hope is some of the essence of what it means to follow Jesus. I am not the same person I was yesterday or the day before. I have hope for some of the same reasons Peter did.

And then I take a long look at Peter . . . . To fail Jesus so miserably by denying Him when he needed him the most . . . . The dude had to have hope if after doing that he could still jump out of a boat and enthusiastically greet Jesus on the beach.

I want hope like that. Maybe that is why I've come back to it after all these years. If I were Peter, I would have sulked ashamedly in the boat. Not Peter. I want that kind of hope. Finding that hope is probably what all this Hope Chronicle stuff is about.

Well, I should get off the computer and go to bed. I have a friend's two girls (5 & 7) tomorrow morning through late Sunday afternoon. I'm glad it is pajama day at church on Sunday! I won't have to worry about getting them dressed! (Seriously, it really is pajama day on Sunday! Only at Crosswinds . . . .)

A Phobic Horse, A Gaggle of Geese, And Other Things about "MeMe."

I have been included in a new game of tag entitled "MeMe." I was tagged by Dandelion Dayz. We have connected over the last few days through Lysa's from Proverbs 31. So, what follows will be totally random and useless information, though I hope it makes you smile . . . .

The rules for this meme are: (1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules on your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.


1. I am full of useless information. Honestly, I may be a bookworm but I am not really a nerd. I have to monkey around with things on the computer before they acutally work and usually then it is pure luck. Still, I have purely useless information that comes out at random times. It's as if it rattles around in my head and then someone says something and it just pops out. Some items include:

• People aren't really allergic to cat hair or dander. Those with cat allergies are rolling their eyes. They are actually allergic to a protien in cat salivia. But given that cats clean themselves with their tongues, their salivia is on their fur, so . . . . Does knowing that make anyone less allergic?



• Just as a square is a rectangle but a rectangle is not a square so a dolphin is a whale but a whale is not dolphin. Dolphins are also one of the only sea creatures that can kill a shark. They do this by ramming them in the gills. (When I was 10 I wanted to be a dolphinologist. I knew there were archeologists and geologists, so I came up with dolphinologist.)



• If you have a lighted match and blow out a burning candle and hold the burning match in the candle's smoke, the fire will jump back down on the wick. This makes a great magic trick! The smoke contains bits of wax and wick and the flame burns/jumps back down there.



• I can name the 13 original colonies/states in the order in which they ratified the constitution.



• Ben Franklin wanted the national bird to be the turkey rather than the Bald Eagle.



• Just as a bunch of puppies is a litter, a bunch of penguins is called a parcel, a bunch of kittens is a kindle, a bunch of geese is a gaggle. These are things you need to know (acording to the book I studied) to get into graduate school!

2. I got stuck in an elevator once. Actually, it was technically a "lift" since I was in England at the time. (Oh, another bit of useless trivia: Margaret Thatcher's birth place was Grantham, England. That's where I was going to school at the time through the University of Evansville's British Campus Harlaxton.) Luckily, it was one of the really old time lifts that were more like a "cage." So, people could talk to us as they walked up the stairs around us.

3. The first word I ever purely sounded out and understood in Russian was the Russian word for ice cream! (What does that say about what I find important?) Without meaning to be irreverent, it was like the point in the Helen Keller movie where Teacher is spelling "water" and there is understanding. Suddenly, all those Russian letters had meaning! I got so excited, I'm sure the Russian student beside me thought I was nutts. I spent 6 weeks in Russian on one of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship's Global Projects. We did it as a cultural exchange. We taught English and they taught us Russian. We each had a Russian roommate and alternated between fun events and Bible studies in the evenings. It was a really stretching summer!

4. I am part of my church's worship team even though I can't sing or play a note! Well, actually, I'm on it because I can put together slides and run power point. Tonight we had worship practice. At one point the leader says to me, "We'll do verse 1, chorus, verse 2, 2nd chorus, bridge, verse 3, and then the 3rd verse. Okay?" To which I replied, "Was that Latin you were just speaking?" I like music, but I'm not musical. What is the bridge? So much for 3 years of piano and 4 years of violin. Not a note or chord stuck in my brain - unless you count chopsticks and the opening of the Star Wars Theme.

5. Due to the amount of things I accomplish, I give the illusion of being organized. The key word is illusion. This is a picture of my table (otherwise known as the mail depository). Please note that there are 3 baskets on the table that I recently bought to try and organize this mess. Those who don't know me well, drop hints that I should help others with their organization! And then, my friends know the truth. I recently called one asking for a phone number because I had put the church directory away and couldn't find it. She quipped, "So has your disorganization caught up with you?" No, it was my attempt at organization that did me in. I knew where it was when it was in a pile!

6. Yes you read the headline correctly. I rode a phobic horse. No one knew why, but Eddie, the horse I often took lessons on, had a phobia of concrete. If he had a saddle on and a tightened girth and stepped on concrete, he would literally fall down and think that he could not get up and thrash about on the ground until they got the saddle off. It was a scary thing, so I had to be careful where I rode him. And then I had a dog, Cassie, with anxiety so bad that the vet put her on anxiety medication. Interestingly, at the time, I was working on my counseling degree! I quipped a number of times, "A phobic hores, an anxious dog, . . . if I had a parakete it would have delusions of grandeur and think itself an eagle!"

Now, onto who I am tagging. I hope you will be good sports and play along:

Julie from Jewlz Sightings She is a new bloggy friend.

Heather from Mummblings of a Mommy Monk She is another new bloggy friend.

Laura at OKane Corral I visited her site this weekend and liked it. She seems very sweet.

Lelia at Write From the Heart Yet another bloggy friend. I was really touched by her post on Monday about a gift of love. You should check it out!

Anne from My Life As A Newlywed I think she'll give a creative response. She had just started college when I started getting to know her family, so I don't know her as well as the rest. But I do appreciate her heart. She is extremely organized. She did amazing things with VBS at the church for a few years -- including castle blocks painted on the walls. (We worship in a warehouse, so why not?)

Lastly, Lysa because I'm dieing to know what kind of gut ripping randomness she might think up.

Well, I'm off. Hope, you've enjoyed yourselves. Let me know if you try the candle trick or manage to work "parcel of penguins" into a conversation.

Do Not Stop On Tracks -- Hope Chronicles 12

Do Not Stop On Tracks. I pass this sign on a daily basis. The tracks run between a tiny section of Linden Street between a set of stop lights a block or two apart. Much to my chagrin, there are trains that actually use this track when I am in a hurry to get somewhere. But please, who would be silly enough to stop on these tracks?

There is a sign, so it must have happened at some time or another some where. And it's such a short piece, if you don't judge it right with the lights, it might be easy to get hemmed in. And then, I can imagine the red and white poles going down and the lights flashing -- and the training coming. Recipe for a disaster!

Still, it seems to be human nature to ignore these kinds of signs. And children who live near train tracks, have to be told over and over, not to play on the tracks. Sometimes, it seems, that we flirt with danger.

I'm fairly law abiding. (I've never gotten a speeding ticket!) So, stopping on these tracks isn't really an issue. But, I found God asking me in the last couple of days, "So, what tracks do you stop on?" Me? Law abiding, Amy?

I recently have become acquainted with a woman, Kathy, who is new to my church. A friend had dinner with her and then told me I had to meet her because we process the entire issue of singleness in the same way. My interest peaked. However, we just got introduced 2 weeks ago and didn't have time for more than a "Hello." Then she had surgery. My friend was trying to find meals for her and I volunteered to make something, but I didn't stay when I dropped it off because she had really just gotten out of the hospital.

Monday night I made my famous chocolate chip cookies to take in for a food day today at work. (Click here for the recipe and my "secret" way of making them). I always make plenty to share, so I decided to drop some cookies off to Kathy. After all, chocolate chip cookies have medicinal purposes after something like surgery.

When I stopped in, two of Kathy's nieces were there visiting. They were just settling in to watch a movie together, so the cookies couldn't have had better timing. I was there for minutes, but I felt my heart sink as I left. I stopped on the tracks.

I have always wanted children. Barring that for the moment, I have always had this fantasy of "aunt-dom." I don't know where it came from. My mom was the youngest of 17 (7 half siblings and 10 full siblings), so I had a plethora of aunts and uncles. (Though, I would be hard pressed to name them all!) With that many siblings, that meant that there were tons of nieces and nephews. So, maybe it is hard to be super aunt to so many. So, I never had much significant contact with my aunts and uncles.

Still, in "aunt-dom" I imagined being the perfect aunt. I would go to soccer games and basketball games, plays and parties, take my nieces and nephews to McDonalds, let them stay up late, raptly listen to their stories, and be an all-around-cool kind of aunt. It hasn't worked out that way. We live to far apart and there are certain family dynamics that have made it an impossible dream. But still, I dream of it.

Walking in on Kathy and her nieces was like walking in on part of that dream. There was an easiness about it. One niece was helping with something. Kathy teased the younger of the two about what her present for her upcoming birthday might be. My heart lept-- I want a day like this with my nieces and nephews!

My heart fell because I was instantly seized with jealousy. And then, I dawdled along those tracks for the rest of the day and evening. I went to a class run by a Christian group in town. I had never really been before. It's running for 6 weeks. I got there early and found a seat. But that jealousy thing crept in. Was I the only one sitting alone?

I prayed about it this morning. God brought to mind this sign. He also brought to mind a friend's comment the other day. Jill was with me when I dropped off my meal to Kathy. We talked briefly and somehow it came up that I often spend time with Jill's children. Jill said something to the affect of not having family in town and me being an "adopted aunt" to them. God reminded me of the tough spring I had. When I was feeling a bit better, I had Austin and Kolya over. One of them said, "It's been 2 months since we spent the night!" I was astonished they had been keeping track. There couldn't have been a sweeter compliment.


How do we get off those tracks when the bars have come down and the lights are flashing? Philippians 4:8 has some good advice. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (NIV)


So I'm counting my blessings. My biological nieces and nephews might be far away, but God has granted me several other kids to invest in -- to go to track meets, play games, indulge in little ways, cheer on during basketball, and hopefully help mold in positive ways. And He nudged me about the class I went to as well. Did I have to sit alone or did I choose to sit alone? (Ouch!) Perhaps, next week I need to approach someone and introduce myself . . . . Perhaps I'll meet a kindred spirit or a future friend.

(Here's a picture of 3 of 8 blessings I was crazy enough to take ice skating for my birthday in December! It was my most memorable birthday.)

We all have to cross the tracks at times. That is a given. Just don't stop on the tracks. It is a sure way to lose sight of hope.